People who become distant from others as they get older without realizing it usually display these 7 behaviors

For years, I found myself drifting away from the people around me without even realizing it.

Sound familiar?

– Fewer social engagements

– Less communication with friends and family

– An overall feeling of isolation.

This was my reality as I got older.

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit, and a self-professed psychology enthusiast. A few years back, I recognized a pattern of 7 distinct behaviors in myself that were causing me to unintentionally distance myself from others.

I was surprised at first, but as I delved deeper into the realms of psychology and human behavior, it all started making sense.

In this article, I will share these 7 behaviors with you in the hopes that it may bring about a positive change in your life as it did mine.

Let’s dive in.

1. Spending more time alone

The first behavior that signaled my growing distance was a sudden preference for solitude.

It wasn’t a conscious decision, but I noticed myself choosing to spend more time alone. An evening reading a book at home suddenly seemed more appealing than a night out with friends.

I started to enjoy my own company more than that of others, and this shift was subtle yet significant.

This behavior isn’t necessarily negative. Solitude can lead to self-discovery and personal growth. But in my case, it was a symptom of a larger issue – I was unknowingly distancing myself from others.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, take a step back and assess your behavior. If you’re spending all your time alone by choice and not because of circumstances, it might be the first sign of you becoming distant.

2. Becoming less expressive

As I became more distant, I noticed a shift in how I communicated. I was always a talkative person, but I found myself becoming less expressive and open.

I remember a particular conversation with a close friend. He was sharing his struggles at work, and instead of actively engaging, I found myself just nodding along. My responses were short, and my emotions were subdued.

Looking back, it’s clear that my reticence was another sign of my growing distance. As psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “What is most personal is most universal.” But in my case, I was holding back the personal, cutting off the universal connection we all share.

If you find yourself becoming less expressive or empathetic in your interactions, it might be a sign that you’re distancing yourself from others. Recognising this behavior is the first step towards reconnecting. Engage in conversations genuinely and expressively. After all, our relationships are nurtured through shared stories and emotions.

3. Avoiding social events

The third behavior came as a shock to me because I was always someone who enjoyed social gatherings.

As time passed, however, I found myself declining more and more invitations. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet people, but the allure of social events was gradually fading for me.

I clearly remember one instance when I had two options for a Saturday night: attend a friend’s birthday party or stay home and catch up on my favorite Netflix series. To my surprise, I chose the latter without a second thought.

This avoidance of social events was a clear sign that I was distancing myself from others. If you find yourself making similar choices, it might be time to reflect on your behaviors and attitudes towards social interactions.

4. Prioritizing work over relationships

Another behavior I noticed was that I started prioritizing work over my relationships. Work became an excuse to avoid social gatherings and interactions.

I was working late hours, even bringing work home. My friends and family were concerned, but I brushed it off, saying that I was just busy.

A study conducted by the American Psychological Association backs up this point. It found that individuals with high job demands are more likely to experience social isolation. The study suggests that work-related stress may lead to less time and energy for social activities, contributing to feelings of loneliness.

Looking back, it’s clear that my work-life imbalance was pushing me further away from my loved ones. If you’re sacrificing your relationships for work, it might be time to reassess your priorities.

Your work is important, but so are your relationships. Strive for balance and ensure that you’re not letting one aspect of your life overshadow the others.

5. Neglecting communication

The fifth behavior that hinted at my growing distance from others was my neglect of regular communication.

I’ve always been someone who stayed in touch with friends and family. But over time, I found myself responding less to messages and calls. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months without proper communication with my loved ones.

I remember a close friend confronting me about it. She was hurt and confused by my sudden silence, and it was then that I realized how my lack of communication had affected those around me.

If you’re experiencing something similar, it might be a sign that you’re distancing yourself from others. Regular communication is key to maintaining relationships. Make an effort to stay connected with your loved ones, not just through social media, but through meaningful conversations as well.

6. Losing interest in shared activities

The sixth behavior that signaled my growing distance was losing interest in shared activities.

I used to love playing basketball with my friends every weekend. But as I started distancing myself, I lost interest in this shared activity. Instead of looking forward to the game, I started to see it as a chore.

Famed psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.” Similarly, engaging in shared activities that we love brings us closer to others and adds to our sense of peace and happiness.

If you notice yourself losing interest in activities you once enjoyed with others, it might be time to reassess your situation. It’s important to keep the spark alive in our relationships by participating in shared interests and activities. It brings us closer and helps us maintain a strong bond.

7. Becoming overly independent

My final realization was somewhat counterintuitive: I was becoming too independent.

Independence is generally regarded as a positive trait, and I prided myself on being self-reliant. But in my case, it was contributing to my growing distance from others.

I was so focused on handling everything on my own that I stopped reaching out for help or advice. I remember when I was moving apartments, I decided to do it all by myself rather than asking friends for help – something I’d done in the past.

Renowned psychologist Dr. Robert Brooks has spoken about the importance of interdependence – a mutual reliance between individuals. He emphasizes that while independence is important, we should also understand and appreciate the value of depending on others.

If you’re becoming overly self-reliant, it might be time to step back and reassess. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and lean on others when needed. As a practical step, try to reach out to a friend or family member this week for advice or assistance with something you’d usually handle alone. You might be surprised at how warmly they respond, and how good it feels to reconnect.

Conclusion

Ultimately, recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards bridging the gap that you’ve unknowingly created.

Remember, it’s okay to enjoy solitude and be independent, but don’t let these things distance you from your loved ones.

Balance is key. Make a conscious effort to stay connected, be expressive and maintain your social life.

Start with small steps: Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, join an event you would normally skip, or ask for help when you need it. You’ll be surprised at how these small actions can help mend the growing distance and bring you closer to the people in your life.