Spending time alone is a great way to figure out what’s happening in your mind.
It’s a really important thing to do if you want to self-evaluate and continue growing towards your personal goals.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in social life, and we can forget the merit of spending time in our own company.
The thing is, the less we do it, the more difficult it becomes to do.
This is because our brains are wired to constantly seek out that which is pleasurable and easy — being alone isn’t always a walk in the woods.
You might notice certain people in your life who can’t seem to spend even a few minutes alone.
It’s like they’re constantly stuck in a loop of chasing external pleasure and running away from themselves.
How can you tell a person can’t stand their own company?
They’ll usually display the following subtle behaviors.
1) Constant need for communication
You’ll notice that people who don’t feel comfortable with solitude need to constantly communicate.
Whether it’s through phone calls, text messages, emails, or social media, they just can’t seem to put their devices down.
It’s as if the connection to the outside world is their lifeline, and without it, they can’t feel grounded.
This incessant need for communication isn’t just about staying updated or being sociable.
It’s more of an attempt to fill the silence and space that solitude brings with it.
They might not even realize they’re doing it, but this behavior is a clear sign of their discomfort with being alone.
It’s more about avoiding feelings of loneliness than about genuine interaction.
While there’s nothing wrong with staying connected, we should also feel comfortable in moments of solitude and not resort to panic if there’s nobody to talk to.
2) Overbooking their schedule
The second behavior that people who struggle with being alone display is a tendency to overbook their schedule.
I’ve seen this in action personally. My friend Jane is such a person.
She fills her schedule with back-to-back outings, appointments, and activities. Her calendar was packed from morning till night.
At first, I thought she was just a very social person who loved being around people.
But one day, her schedule unexpectedly cleared up due to a few cancellations.
She panicked and started frantically reaching out to everyone she knew in an attempt to fill up her day.
That’s when it hit me – Jane wasn’t just sociable; she was afraid of being alone.
The thought of spending time by herself seemed to make her really uncomfortable.
She didn’t have the capacity to be alone.
If you or someone else seems to be always on the go, take a moment to reflect. Is it really about staying busy, or is it an unconscious way of avoiding solitude?
3) Inability to enjoy quiet moments
While we all differ in our preference for solitude, the inability to spend time alone in silence can also be linked with anxiety.
After all, what can be so bad about your own company?
This might surprise you, but research suggests that many people would rather administer electric shocks to themselves than be left alone with their thoughts. Pretty wild, right?
This extreme example illustrates how uncomfortable quiet moments can be for those who struggle with solitude.
People who are not at ease with being alone often find it hard to enjoy quiet moments.
Whether it’s a peaceful morning coffee or a tranquil walk in the park, they struggle to embrace the silence.
Instead, they might feel an inexplicable restlessness or anxiety creeping in.
This inability to enjoy quiet moments is a trait commonly seen in individuals who can’t handle prolonged periods of solitude.
They are always seeking out noise or distractions, so they don’t have to confront the tranquility of being alone.
4) Difficulty in self-reflection
How often do you really take time to self-reflect?
One clear sign that someone has a hard time being alone is their difficulty in self-reflection.
But how can we self-reflect in the midst of a crowd?
Being alone gives us the space to reflect, to look inward, and to understand ourselves better.
But for those who struggle with solitude, such introspection can be challenging.
They may avoid personal introspection and shy away from deep conversations about feelings or emotions.
Instead, they tend to keep the conversation light and surface-level, steering clear of anything that might require a deeper level of thought or self-awareness.
Reluctance to self-reflect can be a defense mechanism — an attempt to avoid the discomfort that solitude brings.
They may not even realize they’re doing it — but it’s shows they struggle with being alone for extended periods.
5) Struggle with sleeping alone
Sleeping alone is something I’ve personally had a hard time with.
When it’s just you in the quiet of the night, your mind can start to wander.
Thoughts and fears can creep in and make it difficult to fall asleep.
For people who struggle with being alone, bedtime can be particularly challenging.
The silence and solitude of the night can be daunting, leading to restlessness and insomnia.
It’s not just about having someone physically present. It’s about the comfort of knowing there’s someone else there, a presence that can somehow make the solitude less overwhelming.
If this sounds like you, it might be worth training your mind to think positively before bedtime.
Did you know having a gratitude practice is scientifically linked with improved sleep quality?
6) Reliance on background noise
Another behavior commonly seen in people who can’t handle being alone is their reliance on background noise.
They might always have the TV or radio on, or constantly be listening to music or podcasts.
This isn’t about enjoying a favorite show or song; it’s more about filling the silence that comes with being alone.
The background noise serves as a distraction, a way to avoid the discomfort of solitude.
Constantly surrounding themselves with noise helps them avoid confronting their thoughts and feelings that might surface in silence.
When someone always needs some form of audio stimulation, it might show that they struggle with being alone.
7) Fear of missing out
FOMO might sound like a meme — but fear of missing out is a real phenomenon.
Perhaps the most telling sign that someone struggles with being alone is their fear of missing out, commonly known as FOMO.
People who can’t handle solitude often worry that they’re missing out on experiences, interactions, or opportunities when they’re alone.
This fear can compel them to always be in the loop, constantly checking social media and keeping tabs on what everyone else is doing.
The irony is that by focusing so much on what they might be missing, they often miss out on the benefits solitude can offer – time for introspection, creativity, and self-discovery.
It takes recognizing these faults to fix them.
The struggle of solitude
Our society constantly emphasizes connection and external engagement. As a result, it’s easy to overlook the power of solitude.
Spending time alone is crucial for growth, self-reflection, and emotional balance.
When we shy away from solitude, we shy away from ourselves.
If you or someone you know is like this, it’s worth leaning into it and asking the key question: why?
Why be afraid of yourself?
The discomfort of being alone shouldn’t be something to fear — it’s an opportunity to deepen our understanding of who we are and what we truly need.
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
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