People who chase happiness as a goal often display these 8 frustrating behaviors

Happiness is a pursuit we all share, but for some, it becomes an end-all-be-all goal. Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. The problem arises when the pursuit of happiness becomes an obsession, often causing certain behaviors that can be quite frustrating.

People who chase happiness as a goal tend to display some common patterns. And if you’re hanging out with me today, it’s because you’ve noticed these patterns too and are looking for some insights.

In this article, “People who chase happiness as a goal often display these 8 frustrating behaviors”, we’ll dive into these behaviors and shed some light on what might be going on beneath the surface. Stay tuned.

1) Pursuing happiness to the detriment of other aspects of life

Chasing happiness as a goal often means putting it above everything else in life. This pursuit can become an obsession, leading people to neglect other critical aspects of their life.

It’s not uncommon to see these individuals sacrificing relationships, career progression, or even their health in their quest for happiness. They’re so focused on achieving this one goal, they lose sight of the balance that’s essential for a fulfilled life.

This tunnel vision can lead to frustration not just for them but also for those around them. It’s difficult to maintain relationships or work effectively with someone who is constantly prioritizing their personal happiness over everything else.

The trouble here is not the desire for happiness itself, but the lack of balance and the willingness to sacrifice too much in its pursuit. The key is to understand that true happiness often comes from a blend of different aspects of life, not just one singular pursuit.

2) Falling into the “I’ll be happy when…” trap

This is a trap I’ve personally fallen into. It’s a common behavior among those of us who are goal-oriented and even more so among those who chase happiness as a primary goal.

You know the phrase, “I’ll be happy when… I get that promotion, I lose those last 10 pounds, I find my soul mate, etc.” This line of thinking suggests that happiness is something external, something to be achieved or acquired.

In my case, it was, “I’ll be happy when…I finish my novel.” I focused so much on the end goal that I almost missed out on the joy of the writing process itself. It was only when I realized that I was placing my happiness in the future, rather than finding it in the moment, that things started to change.

This “I’ll be happy when…” mindset can leave us perpetually unsatisfied and frustrated. It defers happiness to an uncertain future and overlooks the potential for joy in our present circumstances. So while it’s good to have goals and to strive for improvement, it’s just as important to find contentment in our current situation.

3) Overvaluing material possessions

People who chase happiness often believe that the path to contentment is paved with material possessions. They associate joy with the latest gadgets, a bigger house, or a fancier car.

However, a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that life satisfaction isn’t strongly correlated with how many material possessions you own. It’s the experiences, relationships, and personal growth that contribute more significantly to people’s contentment.

Yet, those who are on a relentless pursuit of happiness tend to overlook this. They spend their time, energy, and resources acquiring things they believe will make them happy. This constant need for more can become frustrating and exhausting, not only for them but also for those around them.

The key takeaway is that while material possessions can provide temporary pleasure, they are not a reliable source of long-term happiness. It’s the intangible things in life—like love, friendship, and personal growth—that truly enrich our lives and bring us joy.

4) Ignoring the present moment

In their quest for happiness, some people are so focused on the future that they completely overlook the present. They’re constantly planning, dreaming, and setting goals, often missing out on the beauty of the here and now.

Living in the future can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety. After all, the future is uncertain and largely out of our control. This obsession with what’s to come can rob them of the joy that comes from appreciating the simple pleasures of daily life.

There’s a saying that goes, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, which is why we call it the present.” Those who chase happiness would do well to remember this. While it’s important to plan for the future, it’s equally critical to savor and appreciate the present moment. It’s in those moments that we often find true happiness.

5) Discrediting small joys

In the relentless pursuit of happiness, people often develop a skewed perception of what happiness should look like. They start to undervalue the small, ordinary moments of joy in favor of grand, extraordinary ones.

Perhaps it’s the quiet contentment of a good book on a rainy day, the shared laughter with a loved one, or the peaceful solitude of an early morning jog. These moments might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but they’re the threads that weave the fabric of our everyday happiness.

I’ve seen instances where people disregard these small joys because they’re holding out for that big promotion, that dream vacation, or that perfect relationship. But in doing so, they miss out on the happiness that’s right in front of them.

So while it’s important to dream big and strive for more, let’s not forget to celebrate and cherish the little moments of joy. Because often, it’s these small moments that make life truly worth living.

6) Believing happiness is a constant state

There was a time when I believed that achieving happiness meant being in a state of joy and contentment all the time. But life, with its ups and downs, soon taught me otherwise.

Happiness isn’t a constant state; it’s more like a wave, with crests and troughs. There are times of joy and contentment, and then there are times of sadness and frustration. It’s part of being human.

Those who chase happiness often fall into the trap of thinking they need to be happy all the time. They see moments of sadness or frustration as failures, which can lead to feelings of disappointment and inadequacy.

But the truth is, it’s perfectly normal to experience a range of emotions. It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated or anxious at times. These feelings don’t mean you’re failing at being happy; they’re simply part of the human experience.

Accepting this can lead to a healthier and more realistic understanding of what it means to be happy.

7) Neglecting self-care

In the pursuit of happiness, people often neglect to take care of themselves. They’re so busy chasing the dream, the goal, the vision of happiness, that they forget to tend to their own physical and mental wellbeing.

They might work long hours, skimp on sleep, eat unhealthy foods, or ignore signs of stress and burnout in their quest for happiness. But in doing so, they’re not doing themselves any favors. In fact, they’re likely undermining their own ability to feel happy.

Research shows that self-care practices like getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and taking time for rest and relaxation are all crucial for our overall wellbeing and happiness.

So while it’s good to be goal-oriented and motivated, it’s important not to neglect self-care. Only when we take care of ourselves can we truly be in a position to experience and appreciate happiness.

8) Trying to go it alone

The pursuit of happiness can sometimes become a solitary journey. People may feel that their happiness is their responsibility alone, or they might fear burdening others with their struggles.

But humans are social creatures. We thrive on connection, empathy, and shared experiences. Trying to achieve happiness in isolation can often lead to feelings of loneliness and frustration.

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to lean on others and seek help when needed. Sharing your journey with friends, family, or a mental health professional isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step towards building a support network, which is crucial for resilience and long-term happiness.

Happiness isn’t just an individual journey; it’s a collective one. So don’t be afraid to reach out, connect, and share your experiences with others. It might just make the journey a little easier and a lot more fulfilling.

Final thoughts: Happiness is a journey, not a destination

The pursuit of happiness is a universal human endeavor. It’s something we all strive for in life. But as we’ve seen, chasing happiness as a goal can lead to some frustrating behaviors.

What’s important to note is that happiness isn’t a finite state to be achieved; it’s an ongoing process. It’s found in the small moments of joy, in the connections we make with others, in the balance of life’s different aspects, and in the acceptance of life’s ebb and flow.

The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.” This perspective invites us to see happiness not as a goal to be chased, but as a byproduct of living authentically and engaging fully with our lives.

So instead of chasing happiness, perhaps we should focus on living meaningfully; nurturing relationships, pursuing passions, and taking care of our wellbeing. In doing so, we might just find that happiness has been there all along, quietly accompanying us on our journey through life.