People who constantly make everything about them typically display these 8 traits (without realizing it)

Ever feel like your voice gets lost in conversations with certain people? You share a win, a struggle, or just a passing thought, and somehow it turns into a monologue — but not your monologue. 

Their stories take over, and you’re left feeling sidelined, like your words didn’t matter as much. It’s exhausting, right?

If this sounds familiar, you may be dealing with someone who has a habit of making everything about themselves. 

It’s not always intentional, but it can leave you feeling unseen and unheard.

The good news? Understanding why people act this way can help you respond with more patience, boundaries, or both. 

Let’s explore what’s behind this behavior and how you can navigate it without losing your sense of self.

1) They’re the perpetual star of their own narratives

Living life with them can sometimes feel like you’re a character in a one-person show, where they are the star and everyone else merely plays a supporting role. 

Every conversation, every situation, every single event somehow ends up revolving around them.

It’s like they have this innate ability to twist and turn the narrative, so it aligns perfectly with their experiences, their feelings, and their perspectives.

It’s not always as blatant as outright hijacking the conversation.

It can be subtle, like subtly steering the topic back to themselves or using every opportunity to share their stories, experiences or opinions. 

You might even find yourself nodding along, unwittingly pulled into their world while your own thoughts and feelings get pushed to the sidelines.

It’s not that they’re intentionally trying to overshadow you or anyone else; in fact, they might not even realize they’re doing it. 

But this constant need to be the center of attention can be emotionally draining for those around them and often leads to one-sided relationships where one person’s voice is heard more often than others.

2) Empathy seems to be in short supply

You know, it was my birthday last year and I was going through a particularly rough patch. I had just lost my job and was feeling quite low.

I confided in this friend about my struggles, expecting a bit of comfort or at least a listening ear.

But, before I even finished my sentence, they had already started on a monologue about their own job woes.

How their boss didn’t appreciate them enough, how they were overworked and underpaid. It was like my problems just served as a launchpad for their own grievances.

That’s another thing with people who make everything about themselves.

They struggle to empathize with others because they’re so wrapped up in their own world. 

They might nod sympathetically or make the right noises, but you can tell that they are just waiting for their turn to talk.

It’s not that they don’t care about you – it’s just that their own experiences always seem to take precedence.

The lack of empathy doesn’t stem from malice, most of the time they don’t even realize they’re doing it. 

3) They have a need for constant validation

I’m reminded of a quote by American author and motivational speaker, Les Brown: “Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”

Now, while this quote is generally about not letting others’ opinions define us, it takes on a different meaning when we look at people who constantly make everything about themselves. 

They seem to have this insatiable need for validation.

Every conversation, every social interaction becomes a platform for them to showcase their achievements, their experiences, their successes.

They’ll drop hints about their latest vacation, their new car or their promotion at work, subtly (or not so subtly) fishing for compliments and affirmation.

It’s like they’re constantly seeking approval, needing others to validate their worth.

And when they don’t get the response they were hoping for? They might sulk or get defensive or even go on an overdrive trying to prove their point.

It’s as if they’re living in a constant state of proving themselves to the world.

It’s often an unconscious behavior stemming from a deep-seated need for validation and acceptance.

But it can make conversations with them feel like an endless cycle of one-upmanship, leaving little room for genuine connection or mutual growth.

4) They exhibit a tendency towards excessive self-focus

You know, there’s actually a term for this in psychology.

It’s called ‘self-referential thinking,’ and it’s basically when someone links everything happening around them back to themselves.

When in conversation, people who have a high degree of self-referential thinking will often bring the discussion back to their life, their experiences, their feelings.

It’s as if they view the world through a lens that is solely focused on themselves.

So, you might be talking about a movie you recently watched, and they’ll immediately relate it to a similar movie they’ve seen. Or you share about your latest hiking trip, and they’ll quickly bring up their own adventure.

In each instance, the conversation circles back to them.

It’s not that they’re trying to belittle your experiences or intentionally divert the spotlight onto themselves. 

They genuinely believe that by sharing their experiences and perspectives, they’re contributing to the conversation. 

But this excessive self-focus can often result in other people feeling unheard or overlooked.

5) They struggle with listening

You know that feeling when you’re telling a story, and you can just tell the person you’re talking to is not really listening?

It’s like they’re physically present, their eyes are on you, but their mind is somewhere else entirely.

With these individuals, this tends to happen quite often.

They’ll nod along as you speak, maybe even throw in a few ‘uh-huhs’ and ‘reallys?’ but the moment you stop speaking, they’re right back to talking about themselves.

This struggle with active listening often stems from their preoccupation with their own thoughts and feelings.

They’re so caught up in what they want to say next or how they can relate the conversation back to themselves that they end up missing out on what you’re actually saying.

This doesn’t mean they don’t value you or your words.

In fact, more often than not, they might not even be aware that they’re doing it. 

This lack of active listening can leave you feeling unheard and unappreciated, making it harder to foster a deep and meaningful connection with them.

6) They have a hard time accepting criticism

Constructive criticism is an essential part of growth. It helps us identify our weaknesses and work on them to become better versions of ourselves.

But for people who make everything about themselves, this can be a tough pill to swallow.

When faced with criticism, they often get defensive or go on the offensive, turning the situation into a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth.

It’s like their self-identity is so intertwined with their actions that any critique of their behavior feels like a personal affront.

For instance, if you point out that they interrupted you during a conversation, they might quickly dismiss it as you being oversensitive or even turn it around to criticize you instead.

In their mind, it’s not about what they did wrong; it’s about how you’re reacting to it.

Again, it’s not that they’re intentionally trying to deflect blame or avoid taking responsibility.

It’s just that their self-focus makes it harder for them to see things from another person’s perspective.

7) They struggle with genuine compliments

Complimenting others is a simple way to show appreciation and build connections.

You’ll often notice that their compliments tend to come with a twist. 

For instance, if you share about your recent job promotion, they might congratulate you, followed quickly by a remark about their own achievements or experiences.

It’s like they can’t let the spotlight stay on you for too long without bringing it back to themselves.

This isn’t to say they’re incapable of appreciating others or expressing it.

It’s just that their excessive self-focus often overshadows their ability to genuinely acknowledge others’ achievements without linking it back to themselves.

While they might not even realize they’re doing this, this can make conversations feel like a constant tug-of-war for attention, leaving little room for authentic and reciprocal interactions.

8) They often miss out on the bigger picture

Their world often revolves around their thoughts, their experiences, their feelings to such an extent that they miss out on the broader perspective.

This could mean overlooking other people’s feelings, ignoring different viewpoints, or simply failing to acknowledge the complexity of a situation because they’re so focused on how it relates to them personally.

Take a group discussion, for instance.

They might be so fixated on getting their point across that they completely miss out on the collective wisdom and diverse perspectives that come from listening to others.

But this lack of perspective can limit their understanding and empathy, making it hard for them to forge deep, meaningful connections with others.

It not only affects their relationships but also hinders their personal growth as they continue to view the world through a narrow, self-focused lens.

Concluding thoughts

If you recognize some of these traits in yourself, it’s important to remember, we’re all works in progress.

The first step towards change is awareness, and if you’re aware, you’re already halfway there.

It’s not about blaming or shaming yourself, but rather understanding that these patterns often stem from a deep-seated need for validation and acceptance. 

And while it’s completely natural to want to be seen and heard, it becomes a problem when it starts overshadowing our ability to genuinely connect with others.

The journey of self-improvement is a marathon, not a sprint.

It’s about making small, consistent changes in our behavior and mindset. 

Start by catching yourself when you start making everything about you.

Pause, reflect, and redirect the conversation to include others’ perspectives.

Embrace the idea that everyone has their own unique experiences and stories to share.

That true connection comes from mutual understanding and respect, not from one-upmanship or the need to be the center of attention.

And most importantly, remember that change takes time.

So be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about being perfect.

It’s about growing into a more empathetic and understanding version of ourselves – one conversation at a time.