Friendships aren’t just about filling time—they’re about meaningful connection.
People with high standards for friends often display traits like valuing loyalty, expecting honesty, and prioritizing quality over quantity in their relationships.
These traits ensure they build strong, lasting bonds.
So, let’s dive in and understand these high-standard friend seekers a little better.
1) They value quality over quantity
Nothing against having a large group of friends, but for those who have high standards for friends, it’s often more about quality than quantity.
Psychology suggests that these people aren’t looking for a crowd to fit into, but rather a select few who truly understand, appreciate and reciprocate their level of care and commitment.
They prefer to invest their time and energy into a few meaningful relationships rather than spread themselves thin across numerous surface-level friendships.
This doesn’t mean they’re introverted or antisocial; they simply understand the value of deep, substantial connections.
This preference for quality might sometimes be mistaken as exclusivity or snobbishness, but in reality, it’s about recognizing their own worth and seeking those who do the same.
2) They’re not afraid of conflict
Conflict and disagreement can be uncomfortable for many, but those with high standards for friendships don’t shy away from it. They see conflict as a necessary part of any meaningful relationship.
I remember a situation with one of my closest friends. We had a significant disagreement about a business decision. It was uncomfortable, and there was a period where we didn’t speak as much.
However, instead of letting that disagreement fester and potentially ruin our friendship, we decided to have an open and honest conversation about it.
It wasn’t easy, but we both aired our views, listened to each other, and eventually found common ground. This experience actually deepened our friendship because it showed that we could disagree, even argue, but still respect and value each other.
People who have high standards for friends recognize that conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s an opportunity to understand each other better, to grow as individuals and strengthen the bond of friendship.
They’re not interested in ‘yes-men’ or ‘yes-women.’ They seek friends who will challenge them, disagree with them when necessary, but always with mutual respect and understanding.
3) They’re comfortable with vulnerability
True friendships are built on trust, and trust requires vulnerability. Those with high standards for friendships understand this and are comfortable opening up to their friends.
According to the research done by Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned professor at the University of Houston, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but rather a testament to courage. It’s about having the strength to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.
This is highly evident in people who have high standards for friends. They don’t just share their achievements and happy moments; they also reveal their fears, insecurities, and failures.
They know that being authentic and vulnerable is key to forming deep and meaningful connections.
4) They respect boundaries
Setting and respecting boundaries is a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship, and this is something people with high standards for friends understand well.
They know that every individual has their own personal space, both physically and emotionally, which needs to be respected.
They don’t push their friends to share more than they’re comfortable with, nor do they allow themselves to be pushed beyond their own comfort zone.
These people also understand the importance of balancing time spent together with time apart. While they cherish their friendships, they also value their personal time and the personal time of their friends.
In essence, they don’t cling to their friends or demand constant attention. Instead, they respect their friends’ other commitments and personal needs, just as they expect their own to be respected.
5) They’re supportive in times of need
People with high standards for friendships are there for their friends in times of need.
They understand that real friendships aren’t just about having fun together, but also about supporting each other during tough times.
When a friend is going through a difficult phase, whether it’s a personal issue, work stress, or health concerns, these folks step up.
They offer a listening ear, sound advice, and sometimes just silent support. They don’t disappear when things get tough.
They also show their support in their friends’ endeavors, celebrating their successes and encouraging them during failures. They believe in empowering their friends rather than bringing them down.
6) They believe in reciprocity
Reciprocity, the act of mutual exchange, is at the heart of any successful friendship. Those with high standards for friendships understand this deeply.
These people don’t keep a scorecard, but they believe in a balance of give and take. They’re generous with their time, their resources, and their emotional support.
But they also expect their friends to reciprocate this generosity when they themselves are in need.
They know that a one-sided friendship, where only one person is always giving and the other is always taking, isn’t sustainable in the long run.
It’s not about expecting something in return for every favor, but rather about a general balance over time.
Friendship to them is like a heartfelt dance of mutual respect and care. They’re there for their friends and they know their friends will be there for them too.
This shared understanding is what makes their friendships meaningful and satisfying.
7) They’re not afraid to grow
People with high standards for friendships understand that change is inevitable. They’re not afraid to grow and evolve, and they don’t expect their friends to remain static either.
I remember when I decided to switch careers, it was a difficult and uncertain time. I was leaving the comfort zone of a job I knew well for something completely new.
But my friends, those who I had high standards for, were there for me. They supported my decision, encouraged me during my doubts, and celebrated with me when I finally made the transition.
They didn’t try to hold me back or discourage me from making changes because they valued our friendship more than their comfort. They understood that growth is a part of life.
If you’re someone who isn’t afraid of growing and changing, and you value friends who do the same, then you indeed have high standards for friendships.
You understand that real friendships aren’t about staying the same but growing together.
8) They appreciate alone time
While it might seem odd, people with high standards for friendships often cherish their alone time. Despite the deep connections they form with their friends, they understand the importance of personal space and self-reflection.
These people know that to be a good friend to others, they need to first take care of themselves.
They value their alone time as a period of rejuvenation and introspection, which enables them to bring their best selves into their friendships.
They don’t see this as being selfish or antisocial. Instead, they see it as an essential part of maintaining their mental health and overall well-being.
9) They respect differences
Another key trait of people with high standards for friends is their respect for differences. They understand that everyone is unique, with their own strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, and values.
They don’t seek friends who are carbon copies of themselves. Instead, they appreciate and respect the differences that make each person unique. They see these differences not as barriers but as opportunities to learn and grow.
These people know that a good friendship isn’t about agreeing on everything. Rather, it’s about respecting each other’s views and learning from each other’s experiences.
They’re comfortable with disagreements and see them as a chance to gain a new perspective rather than a reason for conflict.
10) They’re genuine
The cornerstone trait of people with high standards for friends is their authenticity. They’re genuine in their interactions and seek the same from their friends.
They don’t put on a façade or try to be someone they’re not, and they don’t appreciate pretense in others. They value honesty, openness, and authenticity.
These people believe in being true to themselves and their friends. They understand that genuine friendships can only be built on a foundation of truth.
The power of choice
Our friendships, much like our lives, are largely shaped by the choices we make. The decision to maintain high standards for the people we let into our lives is just that – a choice.
And it’s a powerful one.
So, as you reflect on your own friendships and what they mean to you, consider the power of your choices. Are you choosing quality over quantity? Authenticity over pretense? Growth over comfort?
The choice is yours, and it’s a powerful one indeed.
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