Self-compassion—though often overlooked—is vital to our mental and emotional well-being.
It goes beyond just being kind to yourself; it’s about recognizing your own pain and struggles and responding with empathy rather than harsh self-criticism.
However, lacking self-compassion can be hard to spot.
It doesn’t always show up as obvious self-criticism or negative talk; sometimes it’s hidden in subtle, unnoticed behaviors.
In this article, I’ll help you uncover those subtle signs!
Together, we’ll explore 9 common behaviors that indicate a struggle with self-compassion—many of which people aren’t even aware of:
1) They’re harsh on themselves when they make mistakes
In the world of self-compassion, making mistakes isn’t a crime.
It’s actually quite the opposite.
People with a high degree of self-compassion understand that we are all human, and to err is human.
They see their mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning, instead of reasons for self-punishment or criticism.
However, if you notice that you’re constantly berating yourself for every little mistake you make, it might be a sign of low self-compassion.
This isn’t about being carefree or irresponsible.
It’s about acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to be imperfect.
2) They struggle with self-care
Ever heard of the term ‘self-care’? It’s a common buzzword these days and for a good reason.
Self-care is all about taking care of your own needs and doing activities that nourish your physical, mental, and emotional health.
Now, you might be wondering: What does this have to do with self-compassion?
Well, a lot actually.
If you regularly neglect your own needs or feel guilty for taking time out for yourself, it’s a tell-tale sign of lacking self-compassion.
People who are compassionate towards themselves understand the importance of self-care.
They value their wellbeing and ensure they’re doing what it takes to keep themselves healthy and happy.
3) They often feel guilty for prioritizing themselves
Building on the idea of self-care, it’s not just about neglecting our needs.
Sometimes, on the rare occasions when we do prioritize our needs, we might be flooded with feelings of guilt or selfishness.
This is especially common in people who lack self-compassion.
While it might seem counter-intuitive, feeling guilty for taking care of ourselves is actually a sign that we are lacking in self-compassion.
Why?
Because at the heart of it, self-compassion is about acknowledging that our needs and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.
It’s about being kind to ourselves and understanding that it’s okay to put ourselves first sometimes.
4) They’re always racing against time
Are you always rushing from one task to another, feeling like there’s never enough time?
This constant race against the clock could be a sign of little self-compassion.
Here’s why:
People with high levels of self-compassion understand the importance of taking things slow.
They value moments of stillness and quiet in their day-to-day lives.
They know that sometimes it’s important to pause, breathe, and simply be in the moment, rather than constantly hustling and bustling.
On the contrary, people who lack self-compassion often feel the need to be constantly busy.
They might equate being busy with being productive or successful.
But this isn’t always the case.
In fact, this constant busyness can lead to burnout and stress, which are detrimental to our mental health.
If you find yourself always on the run, feeling like you can’t afford to take a break or slow down, it might be a sign that you need to cultivate more self-compassion.
5) They’re constantly comparing themselves to others
In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison.
However, this constant comparison with others can be a clear indicator of low self-compassion.
Here are some signs you might be caught in the comparison trap:
- You scroll through social media and feel inadequate or less successful compared to others.
- You meet someone new and immediately size them up, comparing their achievements to yours.
- You constantly feel like you’re falling behind or not doing enough, no matter how much you accomplish.
These feelings stem from a lack of self-compassion.
People who are compassionate towards themselves understand that everyone’s journey is different.
They don’t measure their worth or success based on others’ achievements. Instead, they focus on their own growth and progress.
6) They’re dismissive of their achievements
When was the last time you truly celebrated your achievements?
I’m not just talking about the big ones, like landing a dream job or buying a house.
I mean the small victories too—like finishing a book, sticking to an exercise routine for a week, or even cooking a new dish.
In my experience, we often overlook these small wins in our lives.
But here’s the thing: they’re just as important as the big ones.
People with high self-compassion understand this.
They celebrate their victories, big and small, because they know each one is a step towards growth and progress.
Let’s start acknowledging our achievements and give ourselves the credit we deserve.
After all, recognizing and celebrating our victories is a significant part of self-compassion.
We’ve earned it!
7) They’re unable to forgive themselves
Imagine this scenario: you’ve made a mistake at work, and it’s caused some problems.
You apologize, make amends, and learn from it.
But even after all this, you can’t shake off the feeling of guilt.
You keep replaying the incident in your mind, wishing you could have done things differently.
Does this sound familiar?
This inability to forgive ourselves for our mistakes is a common sign of low self-compassion.
People who are compassionate towards themselves understand that everyone makes mistakes.
They see these mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.
Once they’ve done what they can to make things right, they forgive themselves and move on.
Ask yourself: Would I hold someone else to the same standards I’m holding myself? Would I be as unforgiving to them as I am to myself?
If not, it’s time for some self-compassion.
8) They’re constantly seeking approval from others
I remember a time in my life when I would bend over backward to please others.
I thought their approval was the key to my happiness.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized this constant need for validation was draining me emotionally and mentally.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
Constantly seeking approval from others is a clear sign of low self-compassion.
People high in self-compassion understand their self-worth isn’t dependent on others’ opinions.
They strive for personal growth and fulfillment, not external validation.
Your worth isn’t determined by how others perceive you, it’s inherent.
Appreciating your own self-worth is an act of self-compassion.
9) They neglect their feelings
We’ve talked about a lot of behaviors that suggest low self-compassion, but this final one could be the most crucial of them all.
Neglecting your feelings.
People with high levels of self-compassion pay attention to their feelings.
They allow themselves to feel without judgment.
They understand that their feelings are valid and important, and they deserve to be acknowledged and addressed.
Your feelings matter–they’re a part of who you are.
Acknowledging and addressing your feelings is not only an act of self-compassion, but it’s also the first step towards better mental and emotional health.
Where do we go from here?
Now that we’ve identified some of the common behaviors associated with low self-compassion, it’s time to look forward.
You might be asking yourself, “How can I cultivate more self-compassion?”
Here are a few simple yet effective strategies:
- Practice mindfulness
- Use positive affirmations
- Seek professional help
Keep in mind, building self-compassion is a process, not a quick fix.
It’s okay to take small steps and even to stumble along the way.
What matters is that you’re moving forward!
Let’s embark on this journey toward self-compassion together, because you deserve kindness—not just from others, but from yourself as well.
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
We brought Jesus back to life with the help of AI. Ask your toughest life questions, and Jesus will tell you exactly what to do.
