People who lose the respect of their own kids often display these 8 behaviors (without realizing it)

Respect is one of the most fragile aspects of any relationship, and it’s especially delicate between parents and children.

Once lost, it’s not easily regained.

While many parents strive to be the best role models, they may unknowingly display behaviors that erode the trust and admiration their kids once held.

These subtle, unnoticed actions can shift the dynamic of the relationship in ways that can be hard to reverse.

Here are 8 surprising behaviors that can cause your kids to lose respect—without you even realizing it.

1) You’re not open to their perspectives

In the world of parenting, listening is more than just hearing words.

It involves understanding, empathizing, and valuing your child’s viewpoint, even when it doesn’t align with yours.

Parents who lose the respect of their children unknowingly dismiss their kids’ perspectives.

This isn’t some sort of conscious disregard for their children’s thoughts or feelings.

Rather, it can stem from the age-old belief that adults always know better.

But here’s a reality check: We don’t.

Children and teenagers, though young, can have insightful thoughts and unique perspectives worth considering.

If you frequently find yourself brushing off your kids’ viewpoints without giving them due consideration, you might be treading on thin ice in terms of their respect for you.

2) You’re perpetuating the cycle of criticism

Criticism is more than just expressing disapproval; when it’s frequent and harsh, it can slowly chip away at a person’s self-esteem and confidence.

Now, let’s apply this concept to parenting.

Parents use criticism as a tool to correct behavior or instill discipline. Sound familiar?

However, excessive criticism, especially when not balanced with praise and encouragement, can erode respect.

Your children may begin to feel that they can never meet your expectations, leading to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.

This constant negativity can ultimately create a strained relationship, making respect difficult to maintain.

The bottom line?

It’s essential to be mindful of how often and in what way you criticize your children. “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice,” according to Peggy O’Mara.

There’s a significant difference between constructive feedback and destructive criticism.

3) You’re over-praising and not acknowledging their efforts

Interestingly, just as excessive criticism can erode respect, so can excessive praise.

This might seem counter-intuitive at first.

Shouldn’t children feel good when they’re praised?

They absolutely should, but praise has the most impact through genuine recognition.

For example, after your child cleans up their toys, a sincere “I appreciate how you put everything back in its place” acknowledges their effort without exaggeration.

On the other hand, saying, “You’re the best kid ever!” for a small action might set up unrealistic expectations, making future compliments feel less meaningful.

Conversely, ignoring their efforts can leave them feeling unappreciated.

A child who spends extra time on a school project yet hears no acknowledgment may feel that their hard work goes unnoticed.

Striking the right balance is key.

Authentic, meaningful praise focused on their effort and determination—rather than just outcomes—shows them that their hard work is valued.

This approach strengthens the bond between you and fosters a sense of mutual respect.

4) You’re not practicing what you preach

Ever wondered why your words don’t seem to have the impact you hope for with your children?

One reason could be that actions aren’t aligning with the words being spoken.

Parents are the first role models children have.

They look up to us, mimic our behaviors, and internalize our values.

Constantly emphasizing honesty, yet being caught in moments of dishonesty, creates a disconnect.

Children notice the gap between what’s preached and what’s practiced.

Such inconsistency can be confusing and may ultimately erode respect.

As Albert Schweitzer wisely observed, “Example is not the best way to teach; it is the only way.”

In the end, actions resonate louder than words.

To earn our children’s respect, we must lead by example, embodying the values we wish to impart.

5) You’re not respecting their boundaries

Respect is a give-and-take process. To win our children’s respect, we must first respect them.

And respecting them includes honoring their boundaries.

Here are some ways parents often unknowingly disrespect their children’s boundaries:

• Invading their private space without permission
• Not allowing them to make age-appropriate decisions
• Overstepping during their social interactions with peers

These actions, though seemingly harmless, can signal a lack of respect for their autonomy and individuality.

Over time, this can result in a loss of respect for you as a parent.

6) You’re not showing empathy

Empathy is a powerful tool in any relationship, and parenting is no exception.

As parents, we’ve all been in situations where our children are upset or frustrated.

In those moments, it’s easy to dismiss their feelings as ‘childish’ or ‘overreactive’.

But let’s take a step back.

Instead of brushing off their emotions, let’s try to put ourselves in their shoes.

Yes, their problems might seem trivial compared to the challenges we face as adults.

But for them, those issues are as real and significant as ours are to us.

When we empathize with our children, we validate their feelings.

We show them that we understand and care about what they’re going through.

And I believe that this understanding and validation can foster a deep sense of respect in our children towards us.

After all, who wouldn’t respect someone who truly understands and appreciates their feelings?

7) You rarely apologize

Apologies are powerful. They’re an admission of our mistakes, a sign of humility, and a step towards mending fences.

But when it comes to our kids, we sometimes forget this simple act.

Here are some instances when an apology could make a world of difference:

• When you’ve yelled in anger.
• When you’ve broken a promise.
• When you’ve dismissed their feelings.
• When you’ve not been there when they needed you.

Apologizing to your child when you’re wrong not only teaches them the importance of taking responsibility but also shows them that respect is a mutual thing.

It helps build trust, deepen your connection, and maintain their respect for you.

8) You’re often absent, even when you’re present

Physical presence doesn’t always equate to emotional availability.

You might be in the same room with your child, but your mind could be elsewhere—lost in work, distracted by your phone, or caught up in other concerns.

This disconnect is where the issue lies.

Children don’t just need their parents to be physically nearby; they need emotional connection.

They thrive on attention, engagement, and genuine interaction.

When you’re present in body but absent in spirit, it can create confusion and feelings of neglect.

Over time, this emotional unavailability can cause a breakdown in trust and respect.

Your child may begin to feel like they aren’t important enough to deserve your full attention.

“The best thing to spend on your children is your time,” as Louise Hart reminds us.

Reassess how you spend time together.

Quality always trumps quantity.

It’s not about being present all the time—it’s about making each moment meaningful.

Are you ready to foster respect in your relationship with your child?

Parenting is a journey filled with challenges, surprises, and learning opportunities. It’s a delicate dance of guiding, supporting, and letting go.

As we’ve seen, certain behaviors can unknowingly lead to a loss of respect from our children.

But by being mindful of these behaviors and making conscious changes, we can cultivate a relationship based on mutual respect.

Here are some additional points to consider:

• Having regular open conversations with your children about their day, their thoughts, their dreams
• Setting clear and fair expectations for behavior while also allowing room for mistakes
• Regularly spending quality time with them, doing activities they enjoy

Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about growth – both ours and our children’s.

So as we continue this journey, let’s strive to be parents who not only love and care for our children but also respect them.

And in doing so, may we earn the respect we seek from them.

After all, isn’t that what all parents truly desire – the genuine respect and love of their children?