Growing up, my relationship with my parents wasn’t exactly close. We had our fair share of misunderstandings, arguments, and long stretches of silence.
As I got older, I began to realize how much that distance had shaped me—not just in how I approached family but how I viewed relationships in general.
It wasn’t until I made a conscious effort to repair and strengthen my bond with them that I saw how much I’d been missing out on.
What I discovered is that maintaining a strong relationship with your parents as you grow older doesn’t just happen on its own. It requires effort, patience, and some specific behaviors that help build trust, understanding, and mutual respect.
In this article, I’ll share nine behaviors I’ve learned—both from my personal experience and from psychology—that people who maintain close relationships with their parents tend to display.
1) Regular communication
Maintaining a strong bond with your parents as you age isn’t something that just happens. It takes effort, and one of the most basic forms of that effort is regular communication.
No, this doesn’t mean you have to call them every day or be on the phone with them for hours. But a simple text message, a quick call to check in, or an email sharing some news can make all the difference.
Regular communication shows your parents that you care about them and that you value their presence in your life. It keeps them involved in your world and reinforces the bond between you.
Even if you’re busy with your own life, making time to communicate with your parents shows them that they’re important to you. This simple act is a cornerstone behavior of those who maintain strong relationships with their parents into adulthood.
2) Active listening
Another behavior that’s key in maintaining a strong relationship with your parents is active listening. And having seen this firsthand, I can vouch for its importance.
My relationship with my own parents is something I cherish. But, like any relationship, it has had its ups and downs. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that listening – truly listening – is one of the best ways to show someone you care.
I remember once, my mom was sharing a story about her childhood. It was something I’d heard before, but this time, instead of just passively hearing her words, I actively listened. I asked questions, showed interest, and engaged in the story she was telling.
The result?
My mom felt seen and appreciated, and it brought us closer together.
Active listening shows your parents that their words and experiences matter to you. It’s a simple act, but one that can add immeasurable value to your relationship.
3) Showing appreciation
Gratitude is a powerful sentiment that can do wonders for any relationship, including the one with your parents.
It’s easy to take for granted all the things our parents have done for us, especially as we become self-sufficient adults.
However, research has shown that expressing gratitude to your parents not only makes them feel valued but can also increase your own happiness and well-being.
A study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that participants who wrote gratitude letters to someone who had made a difference in their lives showed significant increases in their feelings of happiness and life satisfaction.
So, something as simple as saying “thank you” or writing a heartfelt note can strengthen your bond with your parents and boost your own emotional health. It’s a win-win situation.
4) Flexibility and understanding
As we grow older, our parents grow older too. This often means changes in health, lifestyle, and sometimes, even personality.
It’s not always easy to adapt to these changes, but flexibility and understanding are key behaviors when it comes to maintaining a strong relationship with your parents.
This means being patient when they don’t understand the latest technology you’re trying to explain, or when they repeat stories you’ve heard a dozen times before.
It’s about understanding their point of view and showing them respect, even if you don’t always agree.
Remember, your parents have lived through different times and experiences. They’ve watched you grow up and change, and they’ve adapted along the way. Now it’s your turn to demonstrate the same flexibility and understanding as they navigate their golden years.
5) Establishing boundaries
It might seem counterintuitive, but establishing boundaries is actually an integral part of maintaining a strong relationship with your parents as an adult.
Boundaries help define your individuality and independence. They create a clear distinction between your life as an adult and your childhood role. Essentially, they pave the way for a mature, healthy relationship with your parents.
This could mean setting limits on how often you communicate, or discussing which topics are off-limits. It’s about creating a relationship that respects both your needs and your parents’ needs.
Setting boundaries is not about pushing your parents away. It’s about building a relationship that acknowledges and respects everyone’s personal space and autonomy.
6) Cherishing shared moments
Life is a collection of moments, some ordinary, some extraordinary. The beauty of a strong relationship with your parents lies in the ability to cherish these shared moments.
It’s about finding joy in the simple things, like enjoying a cup of tea together or reminiscing about old family holidays. It’s treasuring those quiet moments of shared laughter or silent understanding that build the foundation of your bond.
As we get older, we start to realize the importance of these shared experiences. They are the threads that weave the fabric of our relationship with our parents. Cherishing these moments is not just about building memories; it’s about acknowledging and appreciating the time you have together.
In a world that’s always rushing forward, taking a moment to slow down and truly cherish these shared experiences can strengthen your bond with your parents in immeasurable ways.
7) Offering emotional support
Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes, our parents need us to be their rock. Offering emotional support when they’re going through tough times is a key behavior in maintaining a strong relationship.
There was a time when my dad fell ill and had to be hospitalized. It was a scary period for all of us.
During that time, I found myself not just being the ‘child’ but also a source of comfort and support for both my parents.
I was there to reassure my mom, to keep her spirits up, and to show my dad that he wasn’t alone in his fight. This experience brought us closer together as a family.
It also taught me that offering emotional support doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers. Sometimes, it’s enough just to be there, offering a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold.
8) Respecting their wisdom
As we grow older and more independent, it’s easy to forget that our parents are a treasure trove of life experience and wisdom. Respecting their wisdom and occasionally seeking their advice is an important aspect of maintaining a strong relationship with them.
This doesn’t mean you have to follow their advice blindly. After all, you’re an adult with your own experiences and perspectives. But acknowledging their wisdom shows them that you value their input and respect their life experiences.
Whether it’s a piece of advice on managing finances or guidance on raising your own children, respecting your parents’ wisdom can go a long way in strengthening your bond with them.
9) Unconditional love
At the heart of every strong relationship with parents is a fundamental, undeniable element – unconditional love. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t keep score, that forgives and forgets, and that sees past flaws.
Unconditional love is about accepting your parents for who they are, not who you want them to be. It’s about celebrating their strengths, understanding their weaknesses, and loving them all the same.
The ability to love unconditionally is perhaps the most crucial behavior in maintaining a strong relationship with your parents as you grow older. It’s the glue that holds everything together, even when times are tough. It’s the kind of love that endures, evolves and strengthens with time.
Final thoughts: It’s about the journey
Maintaining a strong relationship with your parents as you get older is about more than just keeping in touch—it’s about showing up in ways that build trust, respect, and understanding.
The nine behaviors we’ve explored can help bridge gaps and strengthen the bond, whether you’re reconnecting after years of distance or simply deepening an already close connection.
Every phone call, every shared memory, every expression of gratitude or display of understanding – it all adds up. Just as waters over time can shape a mountain, these small but consistent behaviors shape our relationship with our parents.
So take a moment to reflect on your own relationship with your parents. What actions can you take today to strengthen that bond?
Because in the end, it’s not just about maintaining a relationship; it’s about cherishing a precious connection that lasts a lifetime.
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