People who never communicate their needs in a relationship typically display these 8 behaviors, according to psychology

In every relationship, communication is key.

But, what happens when one partner habitually fails to express their needs? As Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and seasoned relationship guru, I’ve seen this scenario play out far too often.

According to psychology, those who consistently withhold their needs in a relationship tend to exhibit eight telltale behaviors.

Recognizing these signs can help us navigate relationships with more empathy and understanding.

So, let’s dive in and explore these behaviors that point to a lack of communication in relationships.

Knowledge is power – and it’s the first step towards better, more fulfilling relationships.

1) They are masters of deflection

Communication is a two-way street, but what happens when one person consistently diverts the conversation away from their needs or feelings? You’ve found yourself a master of deflection.

People who struggle to communicate their needs in relationships often become adept at changing the subject.

They’ll pivot the conversation, redirecting focus onto you, or a completely unrelated topic. It’s a defense mechanism, a way of avoiding vulnerability and keeping things surface level.

This behavior can be subtle and can sometimes even come off as being considerate or selfless.

However, consistent deflection can lead to a lack of understanding and intimacy in a relationship.

So, if you notice your partner consistently steering clear of their own needs or feelings, it may be time to gently address this behavior.

It’s not about accusations but understanding. Encouraging open communication can strengthen your bond and help both partners feel seen and understood.

2) They tend to be people pleasers

As a relationship expert, I’ve noticed a common thread among those who hold back their needs – they’re often chronic people pleasers.

They’ll go to great lengths to ensure their partner is happy, often at their own expense.

People pleasers struggle with the fear of rejection or conflict. Therefore, they tend to suppress their needs, wants, and feelings to avoid any potential confrontation or disappointment.

They believe that by always accommodating the other person, they can keep the peace and maintain the relationship.

Always remember, it’s okay to prioritize your feelings and desires. A healthy relationship is a balanced one, where both partners’ needs are acknowledged and respected.

3) They often display signs of codependency

In my years of experience, and as I elaborate in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I’ve found that those who refrain from expressing their needs often exhibit signs of codependency.

A codependent person tends to rely excessively on their partner for emotional or psychological support.

They’re usually so caught up in fulfilling their partner’s needs that they forget to address their own. This unhealthy dependency can lead to resentment and an imbalance in the relationship.

If you or your partner are showing signs of codependency, it’s important to address them.

My book provides practical strategies for understanding and overcoming this pattern. Remember, taking care of your own needs isn’t selfish—it’s essential for a healthy and balanced relationship.

4) They appear overly independent

Now, this might seem counterintuitive, but stick with me. Some people who don’t communicate their needs in a relationship often project an image of extreme independence.

They’ll insist they don’t need anything from their partner, creating a facade of self-sufficiency.

While independence is usually a positive trait, in this context, it can be a defense mechanism to avoid expressing needs or desires.

It’s as if they’re saying, “I don’t need you to meet my needs because I can take care of myself.”

This can create distance in a relationship and make the other person feel unnecessary or unimportant.

Expressing your needs doesn’t make you weak or needy—it makes you human and adds depth to your relationship.

5) They’re experts at ‘guessing games’

Oh, the guessing games. I’m sure many of us have been there. People who don’t communicate their needs often expect their partners to read their minds.

They believe if their partner truly loves and understands them, they’ll intuitively know what they need or how they feel.

In my own experience, I’ve seen this play out time and again. It’s frustrating for both parties involved. One feels misunderstood and neglected, while the other feels confused and under pressure.

But here’s the truth – no one is a mind reader.

Clear communication is the only reliable way to ensure your partner understands your needs and emotions.

Dropping hints or expecting them to guess only leads to misunderstandings and disappointments. So, let’s step out of the guessing game and step into open communication.

6) They harbor resentment

Let’s get real for a moment. When people continuously suppress their needs in a relationship, resentment inevitably builds.

It’s like a toxic slow poison that silently erodes the foundation of a relationship.

The person might feel that their partner doesn’t care about their needs, when in reality, they’ve just never been voiced.

This can lead to a build-up of negative emotions and, eventually, an explosive argument over seemingly insignificant issues.

It’s a painful cycle that can cause serious harm to the relationship.

However, it’s crucial to understand that it’s never too late to start communicating. Open up about your feelings, express your needs – it might just save your relationship.

7) They display passive-aggressive behavior

In my line of work, I’ve seen a pattern in those who suppress their needs – they often resort to passive-aggressive behavior. It’s their way of expressing discontent without directly communicating their needs or feelings.

They might use sarcasm, silent treatment, or subtle actions to express their dissatisfaction. The problem is, these behaviors can create confusion and tension in the relationship.

It’s far healthier and effective to communicate openly about your needs and feelings.

8) They often feel unfulfilled

It’s time for some brutal honesty. People who don’t communicate their needs in a relationship often end up feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.

It’s like being perpetually thirsty in a room full of water—you see what you need right in front of you, but you just can’t bring yourself to reach out and grab it.

They might put on a content facade, but deep down, they’re yearning for more. Yet, they lack the courage or skills to express their needs, leading to a cycle of dissatisfaction and frustration.

It’s heartbreaking because this cycle can be broken. It takes courage and maybe some uncomfortable conversations, but expressing your needs and desires can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship. It’s okay to want more. It’s okay to express your needs. You deserve to be happy.

Conclusion

Recognizing these behaviors in yourself or your partner is the first step towards open and honest communication. It may not be easy, but it’s essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

If you’ve resonated with any of these points, remember that it’s never too late to make a change. Communicating your needs doesn’t mean you’re needy—it means you’re human.

For further advice and practical strategies on overcoming such patterns, I invite you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

Here’s to healthier, happier relationships!