Childhood experiences shape us in ways that we often don’t understand until much later in life.
One of those experiences is the feeling of not being a priority.
Not being a priority means growing up with a sense of being overlooked or undervalued, which can lead to specific behaviors that individuals may not even realize they are exhibiting.
These behaviors can reveal deeper issues related to self-worth or the need for external validation.
In this article, we’ll explore the behaviors commonly displayed by those who struggle with these feelings of neglect and the psychological roots behind them:
1) Over-apologizing
People who’ve never felt like a priority as a child often grow up with a heightened sense of guilt and responsibility.
It’s like they’re always on their toes, ready to take the blame even when it’s not warranted. You’ll often hear them say “sorry” for things they didn’t do, or had no control over.
They apologize not because they’re at fault, but because they’re used to feeling like the problem. It’s a reflex, born out of the habit of trying to minimize conflict and maintain peace.
Understanding this habit can help us empathize with their constant need for approval and reassurance. It also serves as a call to reassess our own reactions and responses – are we quick to blame, or do we take the time to understand?
2) People pleasing
Growing up, I always felt the need to make everyone around me happy. It was like an incessant drive, a constant urge that wouldn’t let me be at peace unless I was doing something to please others.
Looking back, I realize it was a habit I had picked up as a child. Never feeling like a priority, I had learned to find my worth in making others happy.
Even if it meant sacrificing my own desires and needs, I would go out of my way to ensure that everyone else was satisfied.
This habit of people-pleasing can often lead to burnout and resentment. It’s not healthy to constantly put others before yourself, especially when it comes at the cost of your own happiness.
If you find yourself constantly going out of your way to keep others content, it might be time to reevaluate why you’re doing it.
3) Difficulty accepting compliments
Individuals who never felt like a priority as a child often struggle to accept compliments gracefully. It’s not that they’re being modest or humble, it’s more about not believing they’re deserving of praise.
This habit can be traced back to a lack of positive reinforcement during their formative years. When children are not used to being praised or acknowledged, they grow up doubting their worth and accomplishments.
Interestingly, a study conducted by the University of Southampton found that people with low self-esteem have a tendency to dismiss compliments and downplay their achievements. They often attribute their successes to luck or external factors, rather than their own capabilities.
4) Seeking validation
Another common habit of people who didn’t feel like a priority as a child is seeking validation. This often translates into a constant need for approval and affirmation from others in their adult lives.
Whether it’s their work performance, personal decisions, or even their appearance, they’re always looking for someone else to affirm that they’re doing well. They may fish for compliments, or constantly look for reassurance.
This stems from not receiving enough validation during their childhood. When children don’t receive the affirmation they need from their caregivers, they grow up feeling uncertain and insecure about their own worth and abilities.
It’s crucial to understand that everyone needs validation to some degree. But if it becomes a constant pursuit, it might be time for some introspection and possibly professional help to build a healthier self-image.
5) Fear of abandonment
At the core of many people who never felt prioritized as a child, lies a deep-seated fear of abandonment. For some, this fear may manifest subtly, while for others it can be overwhelmingly palpable.
This fear can drive them to form unhealthy attachments, cling on to relationships, or even push people away preemptively to avoid being left first.
It’s heartbreaking to think that the people we care about might carry this fear within them. A fear that was born from not feeling secure, valued, or important in their own homes during their formative years.
If someone you know struggles with this fear, remember patience is key. It takes time to unlearn these fears and build trust.
Show them they’re valued and loved!
6) Struggle with self-care
Growing up, I always put others before myself. I thought it was selfish to take time for myself when I could be helping others. As a result, self-care was a foreign concept to me.
I often found myself working to the point of exhaustion, never taking breaks, and always pushing myself to do more. It wasn’t until I found myself completely burnt out that I realized how crucial self-care is.
People who never felt like a priority as a child often struggle with self-care. They feel guilty taking time for themselves, believing they should always be doing something productive or beneficial for others.
This habit can lead to burnout and can have serious repercussions on mental and physical health. It’s important to remember that taking care of oneself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
You can’t pour from an empty cup—self-care isn’t just a luxury, it’s a necessity!
7) Fear of confrontation
For individuals who never felt valued as a child, confrontation can be a daunting prospect. They often view disagreements or conflicts as threats to their relationships.
Afraid of upsetting others or causing discord, they might suppress their feelings or opinions. They’ll often agree with others, even when they don’t truly feel the same way, just to maintain harmony.
This fear of confrontation can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. It’s important to understand that healthy disagreements are a part of any relationship.
Expressing one’s opinion doesn’t mean starting a conflict; it simply means having a voice and using it.
8) Overcompensating in relationships
One of the most significant habits displayed by individuals who never felt like a priority as a child is the tendency to overcompensate in their relationships.
They often give more than they receive, hoping to prove their worth and secure their place in other people’s lives.
They’ll go the extra mile, always be there for their friends, family or partners, often neglecting their own needs in the process.
They believe that by being indispensable to others, they can prevent being overlooked or abandoned.
You don’t need to prove your worthiness of love or friendship. You are enough, just as you are.
Final thoughts: It’s all about understanding
Understanding human behavior is a complex endeavor.
We often carry the imprints of our childhood experiences, which shape our habits, responses, and interactions as adults.
People who never felt like a priority as a child often develop behaviors that reflect their quest for recognition, approval, and validation.
These habits are not flaws, but coping mechanisms developed over time in response to their environment.
The American psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.'”
As we navigate life’s complexities, remember that everyone has unique experiences that shape them.
Sometimes, all it takes is understanding, patience, and a listening ear to make someone feel seen and heard.
Let’s strive to better understand ourselves and others—everyone deserves to feel valued and understood!
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
We brought Jesus back to life with the help of AI. Ask your toughest life questions, and Jesus will tell you exactly what to do.
