People who pretend to be nice but actually aren’t often exhibit these 9 behaviors

Don’t be fooled, not everyone who smiles at you has good intentions.

People can put on a facade of niceness while concealing their true colors beneath. Such individuals often resort to subtle, indirect ways of expressing their negativity, making it difficult for us to identify their deceit.

Recognizing these hidden behaviors can empower us to make informed decisions about the relationships we cultivate, guiding us towards more authentic and fulfilling interactions.

Let’s delve into some behaviors often exhibited by people who just pretend to be nice but actually aren’t.

1) Subtle undermining

Masks can slip in the art of conversation. Among those who feign niceness, a common tactic is subtle undermining. They might cloak their negativity in seemingly innocent comments, making their intention less discernable.

This behavior involves the individual making remarks that initially seem supportive or harmless but carry an undercurrent of criticism or demeaning intent. It’s their way of diminishing your self-esteem without appearing outright hostile.

Subtle undermining is a manipulative tactic that allows them to maintain their facade of niceness while discreetly sowing seeds of doubt or insecurity in you.

Recognizing this behavior can help you ensure that your interactions and relationships are based on mutual respect and authenticity, not masked negativity. Remember, genuine niceness doesn’t involve hidden jabs or veiled criticism.

2) Excessive flattery

It’s lovely to receive compliments, isn’t it? However, when it comes to individuals who pretend to be nice, flattery can become a double-edged sword. They often use excessive compliments as a means to win over your trust and approval.

Now, it’s important to differentiate between genuine appreciation and insincere flattery. Genuine compliments are specific and come from a place of honesty. But those pretending to be nice often resort to vague or over-the-top praise. It may feel good initially, but over time, too many unfounded accolades can feel hollow and inauthentic.

As Maya Angelou wisely said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” This quote serves as a reminder that actions speak louder than words. Authenticity cannot be faked indefinitely, and it’s up to us to discern between the two.

3) Feigning concern

People who pretend to be nice often exhibit a behavior that I call ‘feigning concern.’ This is when they show an exaggerated level of worry or interest in your life, not out of genuine care but as a way to gain personal leverage or create a false sense of closeness.

This behavior can sometimes be hard to identify, as it is wrapped under the guise of concern and care. However, it’s important to remember that genuine concern doesn’t come with strings attached. It’s about supporting and caring for someone without expecting anything in return.

I delve deeper into the dynamics of authentic versus inauthentic behavior in one of my videos. I believe it might provide valuable insights for understanding this topic better:

4) Inequality in relationships

Relationships are about balance and mutual respect, but those who only pretend to be nice often tend to create an imbalance. They may put themselves above others, subtly asserting dominance or superiority. It’s their way of maintaining a subtle power dynamic while keeping up the front of being ‘nice.’

This behavior reflects the unfortunate reality of rigid dominance hierarchies that I fundamentally reject. It contradicts my belief in the dignity and worth of every individual and the necessity for mutual respect and cooperation.

Reciprocity is a cornerstone of genuine relationships. Anyone who constantly positions themselves as superior, even under the pretense of being nice, is not fostering a healthy or equal relationship. Recognizing this behavior can be a step towards cultivating more authentic and balanced relationships.

5) Lack of genuine empathy

Empathy is the ability to truly understand and share the feelings of others. However, those who pretend to be nice often lack genuine empathy. They may feign understanding or concern, but their actions and responses often reveal a lack of emotional connection.

This behavior contradicts my belief in empathy as a fundamental element in human relationships. True empathy involves not just understanding another person’s perspective, but also responding with kindness and compassion. It’s about truly connecting with others on an emotional level.

Understanding this can empower us to seek connections that are based on genuine empathy, promoting healthier and more fulfilling relationships. A lack of empathy doesn’t align with authentic niceness – it’s just another mask that can be worn.

For more insight into the importance of authenticity and empathy in relationships, I recommend watching my video on choosing a life partner based on authentic connections:

6) Unsolicited advice

While it may seem helpful on the surface, people who mask their true intent often resort to giving unsolicited advice. This behavior is a subtle way of asserting control or superiority over others, often under the guise of being helpful or nice.

However, it’s important to remember that real kindness respects boundaries. Giving advice without being asked can be an invasion of personal space and a disregard for individual agency. True empowerment comes from individuals making their own decisions and learning from their experiences.

With this in mind, respecting others’ boundaries becomes a key element in maintaining authenticity in our relationships. It’s not about controlling others’ actions or decisions but about offering support when it’s needed and asked for.

7) Exploiting your vulnerabilities

Another behavior common among those who pretend to be nice is exploiting others’ vulnerabilities. They may present themselves as understanding and supportive when you share your fears or insecurities, only to later use this information for their advantage.

This behavior is a betrayal of trust, a fundamental element in any relationship. It’s a clear indication of manipulative behavior masked as empathy. My belief in self-awareness and personal growth emphasizes the importance of confronting our fears and vulnerabilities, but in a safe and supportive environment.

Recognizing this behavior allows us to protect ourselves from such manipulations and cultivate relationships that respect and honor our vulnerabilities instead of exploiting them.

8) False humility

False humility is another tell-tale sign of those pretending to be nice. They might downplay their achievements or deflect compliments, not out of genuine modesty, but as a strategy to appear humble and thereby gain approval or admiration.

However, true humility isn’t about denying one’s accomplishments or value. It’s about recognizing one’s worth without feeling the need to constantly prove it to others.

Aligning with my beliefs, it’s crucial for us to take full responsibility for our lives, including acknowledging our achievements and strengths. It’s not about boasting, but about being honest with ourselves and others about who we are.

By recognizing false humility, we can steer clear of inauthentic interactions and work towards relationships that value honesty and authenticity.

9) Non-reciprocal help

Lastly, non-reciprocal help is a common behavior among those pretending to be nice. They offer help or do favors for you without expecting anything in return – at least, that’s how it seems initially. Later on, they might use these acts of ‘kindness’ to manipulate you or make you feel indebted to them.

This behavior contradicts my belief in mutual respect and cooperation in relationships. Genuine help is offered out of empathy and kindness, not as a tool for manipulation or control.

Understanding this can empower us to establish boundaries in our relationships and to cultivate mutual respect and cooperation, where help is given and received without hidden agendas.

Understanding the Mask and Embracing Authenticity

The complexity of human behavior is an intriguing tapestry interwoven with myriad threads of emotions, intentions, and actions. It’s fascinating to realize how ‘niceness’ can sometimes be a mask that conceals a different reality.

Recognizing these behaviors in people around us can sharpen our discernment, allowing us to navigate our relationships more effectively. But more than that, it can also act as a mirror, helping us reflect on our own behaviors and motivations.

Are we truly being authentic in our interactions, or are we too wearing masks at times? Are there instances where we might unconsciously adopt some of these behaviors?

By understanding these nuances, we empower ourselves to foster healthier, more authentic relationships based on mutual respect, empathy, and genuine kindness. Moreover, this awareness cultivates within us a deeper sense of authenticity, freeing us from the need to pretend or manipulate.

Remember, true niceness isn’t about putting on a facade but about embodying kindness, empathy, and respect in all interactions. Because at the end of the day, genuine connections are built not on pretense but authenticity.