People who seem strong on the surface but are emotionally suffering deep down often display these 8 subtle behaviors

When someone appears strong or always smiling, we often think they’re invincible or happy.

But reality is more complex.

Like an iceberg, much of what’s beneath the surface remains unseen.

Those who seem the strongest may carry the heaviest burdens.

This article explores 8 subtle behaviors of those who hide their pain behind a mask of resilience.

1) They’re always busy

Life is full of ups and downs. We all have our share of struggles, but some people seem to be constantly on the go.

Ever noticed that friend who’s always busy? Like they can’t sit still for a minute? Well, sometimes, that’s more than just an active lifestyle.

Often, those who seem strong on the surface use busyness as a shield, a way to keep their mind occupied so they don’t have to face the emotional turmoil brewing deep within. They’re constantly on the move, filling their time with tasks and activities to distract themselves.

They might appear strong and stable, but underneath that bustling exterior, they might be suffering internally. Their incessant activity is just their way of coping, their attempt to outrun the pain that they’re not ready to face.

And while being busy isn’t inherently a bad thing, it’s important to recognize when it becomes a wall built to hide the deep emotional suffering.

2) They’re perfectionists

Here’s the thing – I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist. I thought it was just a part of my character, my need to be the best at everything I did.

But over time, I realized it was more than that. It was a defense mechanism, a way for me to mask my inner struggles.

I would obsess over every detail, trying to ensure everything was perfect. It was like I was trying to prove to myself and others that I was okay, that I had everything under control.

But deep down, I was emotionally suffering. The constant striving for perfection, the fear of making mistakes – it was all a facade. A way for me to hide my insecurities and emotional pain.

If you see someone who’s always striving for perfection, who’s never satisfied with “good enough”, they might be using perfectionism as a shield against their deeper emotional struggles.

3) They avoid emotional conversations

Picture this – you’re trying to have a heart-to-heart with a friend who always seems strong and together. But as soon as the conversation takes a deeper, emotional turn, they steer it back to safer, lighter topics.

This isn’t just a coincidence.

Research in psychology suggests that people who are emotionally suffering often avoid conversations that require them to express or confront their deeper feelings. It’s a defense mechanism, a way for them to avoid facing their pain.

This avoidance might appear as a desire to keep conversations light and casual, or an inclination to deflect personal questions with humor or change the subject entirely.

4) They have difficulty accepting help

Ever had a friend who refuses to ask for help, even when they’re visibly struggling? That’s not just stubbornness. It’s a sign of emotional suffering hidden beneath a facade of strength.

Those who seem strong on the surface often have trouble accepting help from others. They see it as a sign of weakness, an admission that they can’t handle everything on their own. But more than that, it’s a protective measure – a way to avoid exposing their vulnerabilities and the emotional turmoil they’re dealing with internally.

They might insist they’re fine, reject offers of assistance or downplay the gravity of their problems. But this behavior is often a mask, hiding the deep emotional suffering they’re experiencing beneath the surface.

5) They’re overly critical of themselves

I’ve always been my own worst critic. Every mistake, every misstep, I’d beat myself up over it. I thought it was just me being hard on myself, pushing myself to be better.

But over time, I realized it was more than that.

People who seem strong on the surface often have a habit of being overly critical of themselves. They hold themselves to impossibly high standards and berate themselves for every perceived failure. It’s like they’re constantly fighting to prove their worth to themselves and others.

For me, this self-criticism was a way to control the chaos brewing inside. If I could perfect every external aspect of my life, maybe the internal pain would lessen.

If you notice someone who’s harsh on themselves, who never gives themselves a break, they might be using self-criticism as a way to deal with deeper emotional struggles.

6) They’re always helping others

You’d think that someone who’s always there for others, always ready to lend a hand or offer support, is emotionally strong, right?

Well, not necessarily.

Sometimes, those who seem strong on the surface use their own struggles as fuel to help others. They’re often the first to offer a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear because they understand what it feels like to be emotionally overwhelmed.

But while they’re always there for everyone else, they often neglect their own needs. They might be suffering deep down, but they channel their energy into helping others as a way to distract themselves from their own pain.

7) They’re prone to insomnia

Sleep is crucial for our well-being, but for those who seem strong on the surface yet are suffering deep down, it can often be elusive.

It’s not uncommon for these individuals to struggle with insomnia.

According to the National Institute of Health (NIH), insomnia is a common sleep disorder where you struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get quality rest, even when conditions are ideal. It can interfere with daily activities and leave you feeling tired during the day.

Their minds are often so filled with thoughts, worries, and hidden emotional turmoil that they find it difficult to switch off and relax when it’s time for sleep.

They might spend hours tossing and turning, their mind racing with thoughts they’d rather avoid in the daylight. Or they might wake up frequently throughout the night, their sleep disrupted by their inner struggles.

8) They rarely show their true emotions

This is perhaps the most tell-tale sign of all. Those who seem strong on the surface, but are emotionally suffering deep down, they rarely show their true emotions.

They’ve mastered the art of keeping their feelings under wraps, presenting a composed, unflappable exterior to the world. They might laugh off serious matters, brush aside personal questions or simply put on a brave face even in the toughest of times.

But behind that mask of strength, they’re battling powerful emotions. Their true feelings are hidden away, locked deep within, as they try to navigate their emotional turmoil without letting it show.

Hidden strength in vulnerability

As Brené Brown, a renowned research professor, once said, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

The key takeaway from this article is that strength isn’t just about being stoic. Often, the strongest people are those fighting unseen battles.

These individuals shouldn’t be pitied but admired for their resilience. It’s okay to show emotions, ask for help, and admit you’re not okay.

If you see these behaviors in someone, reach out and remind them they’re not alone—you’re not alone.