People who try too hard to be liked and accepted usually display these 7 behaviors

We all want to be liked and accepted. It’s human nature. But sometimes, people push it a bit too far, and their efforts backfire.

You see, when you try too hard, it often comes off as desperate or fake. And let’s be honest, nobody enjoys that.

The thing is, people who try overly hard to fit in usually exhibit certain common behaviors. Recognizing these can help us avoid falling into the same trap.

Today, we dive into seven such behaviors. Are you guilty of any of these? 

Let’s find out. 

1) Being overly agreeable

We’ve all met them. Those people who agree with everything you say, no matter what.

It’s like they’re allergic to having their own opinions. Anytime there’s a discussion, they are quick to nod and echo your thoughts, even when it’s obvious they don’t necessarily share the same viewpoint.

This is a classic behavior of someone trying too hard to be liked. They believe that by aligning with your perspective, they’ll win your approval and acceptance.

However, this approach often backfires. Being overly agreeable can come across as inauthentic and deceptive. People tend to respect and appreciate those who express their genuine opinions, even when they differ from their own.

Not only that, as noted by Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences, research suggests that being overly agreeable is sometimes linked to lower life satisfaction.  

If you notice this behavior in yourself or others, it might be time for a reality check. 

2) Constantly seeking validation

I remember a friend of mine who had this uncanny knack for turning every conversation into a fishing expedition for compliments.

She’d often make self-deprecating comments about her looks or abilities, not because she truly felt that way, but because she was hoping for reassurance.

“I’m so terrible at this,” she would sigh, waiting for the inevitable “No, you’re not! You’re great at it!”

This is a classic sign of someone trying too hard to be liked and accepted. They constantly seek validation from others to boost their self-esteem. Why do people feel the need to do this?

Well, as noted by experts like those at Psych Central, this sometimes stems from childhood experiences. 

The problem with this behavior is that it can be exhausting for those around them and can actually push people away. It’s important to find confidence within oneself and not rely solely on the approval of others.

3) Frequently changing personal style

Chameleons are known for their ability to change their skin color based on their surroundings. Interestingly, a similar behavior can be seen in people who are trying too hard to be liked.

They frequently alter their personal style, interests, or hobbies to match those of the people they are seeking approval from. One day they’re into classic rock because their friend loves it, the next they’re all about yoga because someone they admire is into it.

This constant flipping and flopping can be confusing for those around them, and it often comes off as inauthentic. It’s far more appealing when someone has a clear sense of who they are and what they enjoy, regardless of what’s popular or trendy.

4) Being overly generous

Generosity is a wonderful trait. However, when it’s overdone, it can be a glaring sign of someone trying too hard to be liked and accepted.

These people often go out of their way to do favors, give gifts, or lend a hand. While this seems noble, the underlying motive is often to win approval rather than a genuine desire to help.

The issue here lies in the imbalance it creates. It can make others feel uncomfortable, obligated to return the favor, or suspicious of their intentions.

5) Fearing confrontation

Nobody really enjoys confrontations. They’re uncomfortable, awkward, and can be emotionally draining. But sometimes, they’re necessary for healthy relationships and personal growth.

People who try too hard to be liked often have a deep-seated fear of confrontation. They avoid disagreements like the plague, fearing that any form of conflict might tarnish their likability.

This fear can be so paralyzing that they end up tolerating unfair treatment or relinquishing their own needs just to keep the peace.

It’s heartbreaking to see, as everyone deserves to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of rejection. It’s important to remember that disagreements are a natural part of life, and having them doesn’t make you any less likable or worthy of acceptance.

6) Over-apologizing

This is one I was guilty of. 

I used to have a habit of saying sorry for absolutely everything, even when it wasn’t my fault or within my control. I’d apologize for the weather, for someone else’s bad mood, or for a delay caused by traffic.

This over-apologizing was a defense mechanism, a way of ensuring I didn’t upset anyone or become a target of their frustration. 

Turns out, this is a common behavior among people trying hard to be liked and accepted. They believe that by taking the blame, they can avoid conflict and keep everyone happy. 

However, as a bestselling author, Caroline Levitt, aptly noted in a Psychology Today post, “Apologies are meant to show regret, not to people-please.”

Moreover excessive apologies can actually undermine your credibility and self-esteem.

As put by Empowerment Psychologist Jay Rai in a Forbes post, by doing so, it sends “a message to those you’re speaking to that often undermines the validity of your statements or implies that you lack confidence in expressing yourself or asserting your own needs.”

It’s essential to understand that not everything is our fault, and we don’t need to apologize for things beyond our control.

7) Always being available

Being there for others when they need you is a wonderful quality. But people who have an unhealthy need to be liked often take this to an extreme level.

They’re always available 24/7, ready to drop everything at a moment’s notice to cater to others’ needs. They rarely say no, even when they’re overloaded or it’s inconvenient for them.

While their intention might be to show they’re reliable and supportive, this behavior can lead to burnout and resentment. It also sets up unrealistic expectations among their peers.

Sound familiar?

It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. You’re not obligated to be on call all the time. You’re allowed your own time and space too.

Final thoughts: It’s about authenticity

It’s easy to fall into the trap of morphing ourselves into what we think others want us to be.

But here’s the truth – people are drawn to authenticity. They appreciate individuals who are true to themselves, who have a strong sense of self-worth, and who aren’t afraid to show their real colors.

Instead of trying too hard to fit in, let’s focus on being true to ourselves. Let’s value our own opinions, set healthy boundaries, take care of our needs, and embrace our unique quirks.