People with poor social skills use these 10 phrases without realizing how they come across (according to psychology)

There’s a thin line between coming off as genuine and appearing socially inept.

The difference lies in awareness. Those with poor social skills often unknowingly use phrases that make them come across in a negative light, completely oblivious to the impact of their words.

On the flip side, people with strong social skills are adept at navigating conversations, choosing their words carefully to make a positive impression.

Psychology tells us that there are telltale phrases often used by those struggling socially. And the surprising part? Most aren’t even aware of how they’re coming across!

In this article, I’ll be sharing 10 phrases that people with poor social skills often use without realizing how they come across. 

Let’s get started. 

1) You always…

Navigating social situations isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to addressing issues or disagreements.

People with poor social skills often resort to using absolute terms like “always” or “never”. This can lead to a negative perception, as it implies a rigid and unforgiving perspective.

The problem with these words is that they don’t promote constructive dialogue. Instead, they generalize behavior and can make the other person feel attacked or defensive.

According to psychology, using such blanket terms can hinder effective communication and create unnecessary friction. It’s an easy trap to fall into without realizing the potential negative implications.

When you’re in a conversation and find yourself resorting to these absolute terms, take a step back and consider how it might be perceived. 

2) It’s not my fault…

Personal responsibility is a key ingredient in healthy relationships and effective communication. However, those with poor social skills often struggle with this concept.

I recall a situation where a friend of mine always seemed to deflect blame whenever things went south. He’d often say, “It’s not my fault…” before launching into explanations that shifted responsibility onto others.

I remember one specific incident where he forgot to make reservations for a group dinner. Instead of accepting his oversight, he immediately said, “It’s not my fault, no one reminded me.”

Psychology tells us that this kind of behavior can come across as defensive and evasive. It’s a phrase that can make others feel unappreciated or unheard, and it doesn’t foster trust or mutual respect.

Admitting mistakes doesn’t make you look weak – it shows that you’re self-aware and considerate of others. 

3) I’m just being honest…

Honesty is definitely a virtue, but there’s a fine line between being honest and being brutally frank. People with poor social skills often blur this line without realizing it.

The phrase “I’m just being honest…” is often used as a preface to a potentially hurtful or harsh statement. The intention may be to provide constructive criticism, but the outcome can often be damaging.

Our brains process negative information more thoroughly than positive information. This means that harsh words can linger longer in a person’s mind, leading to hurt feelings and damaged relationships.

Being mindful of how we deliver feedback can make all the difference. It’s possible to be honest without being hurtful – it just takes a bit more thought and empathy. 

4) I don’t care…

While it’s not realistic or healthy to be overly invested in every situation or person’s feelings, it’s equally detrimental to come across as apathetic. The phrase “I don’t care…” is often used by those with poor social skills in a misguided attempt to appear nonchalant or unaffected.

However, instead of coming across as cool and collected, this phrase can make you appear dismissive and uninterested. It’s an easy way to shut down a conversation and create distance between you and the other person.

In the realm of psychology, emotional intelligence is a key component of successful social interaction. This includes the ability to express interest and concern for others’ feelings and experiences.

Instead of resorting to indifference, try expressing your thoughts and feelings in a more considerate way. This can go a long way in improving your social interactions and relationships.

5) Whatever…

A word that masks a world of emotions – that’s “whatever” for you. Often used as a verbal shrug, this phrase can be a social minefield if not used correctly.

People with poor social skills might resort to “whatever” to end an uncomfortable conversation or to express indifference. But in reality, this can come across as dismissive, apathetic, or even passive-aggressive.

Psychology tells us that effective communication involves not just speaking but also listening and responding thoughtfully. Using “whatever” can send a message that you’re not interested in engaging in a meaningful conversation.

6) I knew that…

Nothing stings quite like having your moment of sharing something new or exciting cut short by someone saying, “I knew that…”. It’s a phrase often used by those with poor social skills without realizing how it can deflate the conversation and discourage further sharing.

This phrase can come across as dismissive or even arrogant, undermining the other person’s enthusiasm. Instead of creating a bond over shared knowledge, it creates a divide, making the other person feel less valued.

Relating to others is at the heart of our social interactions. Psychology emphasizes the importance of validating others’ experiences and contributions, not belittling them. It’s about creating a space where everyone feels heard and appreciated.

When you’re tempted to respond with “I knew that…”, consider expressing your shared knowledge in a way that encourages further conversation. Something as simple as “Oh yes, I’ve heard about that too! Isn’t it fascinating?” can make a world of difference in your social interactions.

7) Why can’t you be more like…?

Comparisons can be a slippery slope, especially in social interactions. I remember being on the receiving end of this phrase during my school days. A teacher once said, “Why can’t you be more like Susan? She always gets her assignments done on time.”

This phrase, often used by those with poor social skills, not only undermines the individual’s self-esteem but also damages the dynamics of the relationship. It can foster resentment and insecurity, leading to a breakdown in communication.

Psychology encourages us to appreciate individuals for their unique qualities and achievements. Instead of comparing, we should focus on encouraging progress and celebrating growth.

When you’re tempted to draw a comparison, remember to appreciate the person for who they are and acknowledge their efforts. This approach can help to foster a more positive and supportive environment.

8) No offense, but…

Here’s a phrase that often precedes something offensive. “No offense, but…” is frequently used by those with poor social skills as a preface to a negative comment.

The irony is that this phrase usually signals that the speaker knows they are about to say something potentially hurtful but proceeds anyway, hoping to soften the blow.

People tend to remember negative comments more vividly than positive ones, making this phrase even more damaging than it might seem at first glance.

9) That’s just who I am…

While it’s important to be true to oneself, using the phrase “That’s just who I am…” can often be a roadblock to personal growth and improvement. It’s a common phrase used by those with poor social skills as a defense mechanism to justify certain behaviors or attitudes.

However, this phrase can come across as stubborn or unyielding, giving the impression that you’re not open to change or feedback. It also overlooks the fact that we all have the capacity for growth and self-improvement.

Embrace change and see it as an opportunity for growth, rather than a threat.

Instead of resorting to “That’s just who I am…”, consider saying, “I appreciate your feedback, I’ll take it into consideration.” This shows that you’re open to improving yourself and your social skills.

10) I don’t need anyone…

As human beings, we are wired for connection. Yet, a phrase often used by those with poor social skills is “I don’t need anyone…”. While it might be intended as a declaration of independence, it can often come across as standoffish or isolating.

This phrase can create barriers and discourage others from reaching out or offering support, even when it might be needed. It undermines the very essence of human connection and interdependence.

Admitting that we need others is not a sign of weakness. It’s the acknowledgement of our inherent human nature to connect, share, and grow together.