Love is blind—so the saying goes.
When we’re caught up in the excitement and comfort of a relationship, it’s easy to overlook behaviors or patterns that might actually be harmful. We convince ourselves that things will get better, or that what we’re experiencing is normal.
But what if those feelings of unease are signs that your relationship is doing more harm than good?
Psychology teaches us that certain red flags are more than just bumps in the road—they’re signals that something deeper is wrong. Ignoring these signs can lead to emotional strain, decreased self-worth, and even long-term mental health issues.
In this article, we’ll explore 8 key signs that your relationship may be taking a toll on your mental health. By recognizing these red flags, you can better understand if it’s time to reassess and prioritize your happiness before things go too far.
1) Your happiness takes a backseat
We often hear that love is about compromise and sacrifice. While there’s some truth in that, it shouldn’t mean giving up your happiness entirely.
Love, in its healthiest form, is a balance—a dance between giving and receiving, where both partners feel valued and fulfilled. Compromise should not equate to self-neglect.
If you’re constantly prioritizing your partner’s needs over yours, to the point that you’re always unhappy, it’s a big red flag.
Relationships should be built on mutual respect and understanding, not one-sided sacrifices that slowly erode your sense of self. When the scales tip too far in one direction, it can lead to resentment, burnout, and emotional exhaustion.
This highlights the importance of self-care and self-love. While you can control your own actions, you can’t control someone else’s. You can’t force love or bend yourself to maintain a relationship if it means losing who you are in the process.
So ask yourself: Are you truly happy? Do you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself in this relationship? If the answers are “no,” it’s time to reassess. Step back and see if the relationship still aligns with your needs and who you are.
2) You’re walking on eggshells
You know that feeling when you constantly have to measure your words or actions to avoid upsetting your partner?
It’s like walking on eggshells, and that’s no way to experience a relationship. Constantly adjusting yourself to maintain peace can drain your emotional energy and weaken your sense of self-worth.
In a secure relationship, both partners feel free to express themselves without fear of backlash. Feeling the need to hold back or worry about a partner’s reaction signals that something may be off.
True love should make you feel safe, secure, and understood—not anxious or fearful. A fulfilling relationship thrives on trust, openness, and the freedom to be yourself, without fear of judgment or criticism.
When both partners can communicate openly, it creates an environment where growth and connection flourish.
3) You compromise your core values
I’ve always believed that understanding oneself is the first step towards a fulfilling life. And a big part of that understanding comes from identifying our core values.
In a relationship, it’s normal to compromise on certain things. But when you find yourself compromising your core values to please your partner, that’s a clear warning sign.
Noticing that your relationship is distancing you from these values rather than reinforcing them is a crucial moment for reflection. Reassessing its impact becomes necessary to ensure it aligns with who you truly are.
A healthy relationship should align with your core values and help you become the best version of yourself, not pull you away from who you truly are.
4) You’re constantly hoping for change
Once you start compromising your core values, you’re not just letting go of your principles—you begin clinging to the hope that your partner will change.
Constantly wishing for your partner to transform fundamental aspects of who they are is a major red flag and suggests a deeper issue in the relationship.
While people can certainly grow and adjust their habits, expecting someone to overhaul their core traits—like their values, personality, or deeply ingrained behaviors—is both unrealistic and unfair. These core traits are what define who we are, and asking a partner to change them can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment on both sides.
Living in a state of waiting for your partner to become someone else can be exhausting and emotionally draining. It raises an important question: Are these changes necessary for the relationship to be healthy and fulfilling, or are you holding onto an idealized version of who you want them to be?
Sometimes, we get so caught up in the potential of what a relationship could be that we forget to consider whether it’s working in the present.
5) Your social life is shrinking
It’s easy to get caught up in the thrill of a new relationship and want to spend every moment with your partner. As your circle of friends starts shrinking or you find yourself drifting away from family, it’s a sign to take a closer look.
A healthy relationship should expand your world, not shrink it. Isolating yourself or feeling isolated by your partner is a sign that something might be off.
Your relationship should be a part of your life, not your whole life. Make sure to carve out time for friends, family, and your own interests. Keeping this balance is key to maintaining a healthy perspective and having a strong support system beyond your partner.
6) Your future plans don’t align
Relationships encompass the present and extend into the future. Visualizing where you see yourself in a few years and how your partner fits into that vision is essential for any commitment.
Future plans not aligning indicates a big issue that deserves attention.
Dreaming of traveling the world while your partner desires a settled life, or wanting to start a family while your partner isn’t ready, can lead to major complications over time.
As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wisely said, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” Both partners need to share a vision for the future in order for a relationship to thrive.
Engage in those significant conversations about your future. Addressing these differences early helps avoid surprises later on.
It’s okay to have different interests or hobbies, but when it comes to major life decisions, it’s essential to be on the same page.
7) You’re constantly making excuses for them
In any relationship, it’s natural to want to see the best in your partner. But constantly making excuses for their behavior often signals that something isn’t quite right.
Perhaps they missed your birthday, and you tell yourself, “They’re just really busy at work.” Or maybe they frequently speak harshly to you, and you excuse it by thinking, “They’re just stressed.”
Regardless of the situation, justifying behavior that harms you isn’t helpful.
The saying, “We teach people how to treat us by what we allow, what we stop, and what we reinforce,” by Tony Gaskins comes to mind.
The reality is that we teach people how to treat us. By allowing certain behaviors without addressing them, we’re unintentionally communicating that they are acceptable.
8) There’s more bad times than good
Here’s a simple, practical way to assess your relationship: Look at the balance between good times and bad.
If arguments, frustrations, and sadness outweigh the joy, laughter, and love, it could be a sign that something is amiss. Relationships naturally involve conflicts and challenges, but these should not overshadow the positive moments that strengthen your bond.
A healthy relationship brings more happiness than sorrow. While no relationship is perfect and every couple faces ups and downs, the positive aspects should consistently be more prevalent than the negative ones.
A dominance of negativity suggests it’s time to reflect. Consider how conflicts are handled and whether feelings of being drained occur more often than feelings of upliftment.
In conclusion
It’s important to remember that relationships are meant to add to our lives, not take away from them. A good relationship should lift you up, make you feel secure, and help you grow.
But if your relationship starts to drain you—whether it’s your energy, confidence, or happiness—that’s a clear sign something needs to change. Red flags aren’t the end of the world, they’re just reminders that it’s time to take a step back and reassess.
Change can feel scary, especially when it comes to something as personal as your relationship. But sometimes, it’s exactly what you need to grow and move forward.
Recognizing these signs isn’t about admitting defeat, but about taking control of your own happiness. It’s a chance to reflect on what you need and deserve.
Instead of brushing off the red flags, use them as a moment to pause and reflect. Think about what you truly want in a relationship.
In the end, you deserve a relationship that makes you feel happy, valued, and at peace. Don’t settle for anything less than that. You’re worthy of love that aligns with your core values and brings out the best in you.
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
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