If you want to be a grandparent your grandkids will always cherish, say goodbye to these 9 habits

1. Criticizing their parents in front of them

It’s no secret that parenting styles can differ across generations. Maybe you don’t always agree with how your child is raising their kids. That’s normal.

But saying, “Back in my day, we never let kids get away with that” or “Your mom is way too soft on you” does more harm than good.

Your grandkids love their parents, and hearing them criticized puts them in an awkward position. They don’t want to pick sides, and they shouldn’t have to.

Instead of pointing out flaws, focus on being a supportive presence. If you really have concerns, discuss them privately with their parents—not in front of the kids.

The best grandparents know how to build up, not tear down. Show your grandkids that family is about love, respect, and having each other’s backs. That’s what truly lasts.

2. Being overly controlling or intrusive

It’s natural to want to be involved in your grandkids’ lives, but there’s a fine line between being present and being overbearing.

Insisting on unannounced visits, questioning every decision their parents make, or expecting to be the first to hear about every milestone? That can get overwhelming fast.

Grandkids thrive when they have space to grow into their own people. They don’t need another authority figure constantly telling them what to do. They need a safe, loving grandparent they can turn to without fear of judgment.

If you let go of the need to control, you’ll actually be closer to them. Give them the freedom to share their world with you on their terms, and they’ll want you around even more.

3. Dismissing their feelings or experiences

It’s easy to look at kids’ problems and think, “That’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through.”

But to them, those experiences feel huge. Telling them to “toughen up” or “stop being dramatic” only teaches them that their emotions don’t matter.

Instead, validate what they’re feeling. If they’re upset about a friendship, school stress, or even a silly argument with a sibling, listen. Say things like, “That sounds really frustrating” or “I can see why that hurt your feelings.” Sometimes, they just need to be heard.

Your grandkids will always remember how you made them feel. If they know they can come to you without being brushed off, they’ll treasure that relationship forever.

4. Guilt-tripping them into spending time with you

Everyone wants to feel wanted, and it can be disappointing when your grandkids don’t visit or call as often as you’d like. But saying things like, “You never come see me” or “I guess I’m not that important to you” only makes them feel guilty—not closer to you.

Guilt-driven relationships aren’t fun. They make visits feel like obligations rather than something to look forward to.

Instead of pressuring them, create an environment where they want to be around you. Plan fun activities, show interest in their lives, and let them know you’re always happy to see them—without making them feel bad when they can’t.

The best way to have a close relationship? Make your presence a joy, not a duty. That way, they’ll keep coming back because they want to, not because they have to.

5. Expecting them to follow outdated traditions without question

Just because something was a big deal when you were younger doesn’t mean it has to be now.

Maybe you love the idea of a big Sunday dinner, but your grandkids have busy schedules. Maybe you expect them to follow certain cultural traditions that no longer fit their lifestyle.

Forcing traditions can make them feel resentful rather than connected. Instead, be open to change.

Ask them what traditions they love and find ways to create new ones together. Maybe it’s a fun movie night instead of a formal dinner. Maybe it’s celebrating holidays in a way that works for everyone.

The best family traditions are the ones that bring people together—not the ones that feel like an obligation.

6. Making everything about yourself

Kids love talking about what excites them. But if every conversation somehow turns back to your childhood, your struggles, or your preferences, they’ll lose interest fast.

Being a great grandparent means letting them have the spotlight. Ask about their favorite shows, what they’re learning in school, or the hobbies they love. Let them tell you their stories without rushing in with your own.

When you show genuine interest in their world, they’ll be more excited to share it with you.

You don’t have to love what they love, but showing curiosity goes a long way. Maybe you won’t understand half of it, but they’ll love that you care.

At the end of the day, relationships thrive on connection. The more interest you show in their world, the more they’ll want you to be part of it.

7. Comparing them to their siblings or cousins

No kid enjoys being told, “Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” or “Your brother was much more responsible at your age.” It doesn’t inspire them—it just makes them feel like they’re never enough.

Every child is unique, and they need to be appreciated for who they are, not how they measure up to someone else. Instead of comparisons, highlight what makes them special. Say things like, “I love how creative you are” or “You have such a kind heart.”

Kids remember how they were spoken to. Make sure your words lift them up, not make them doubt themselves.

8. Holding grudges over small things

Kids forget things. They might forget to call, to say thank you, or even to wish you a happy birthday. But holding onto those little disappointments and bringing them up again and again only creates distance.

Instead of keeping score, practice forgiveness. If something really bothers you, talk about it once and move on. Most of the time, they didn’t mean to upset you—they just got caught up in their own world.

Being easygoing and understanding makes you the kind of grandparent they feel comfortable around. And that’s what makes a bond last.

9. Not keeping up with technology