If you want to feel more loved by your children as you get older, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

Every parent wants to feel loved and appreciated by their children, especially as they grow older.

But the reality is, the strength of that bond isn’t just about how much you love them—it’s about how you treat them over the years.

Some parents unknowingly push their children away with behaviors that create distance, resentment, or emotional exhaustion.

They don’t mean to, but certain habits can make their kids feel unheard or unvalued.

The good news? It’s never too late to shift the dynamic.

 If you want a stronger, more loving relationship with your children as you age, it starts with letting go of these eight behaviors that may be silently driving a wedge between you.

1. Being overly critical

No one likes to feel judged, especially by their own parents. When a child grows up constantly hearing what they’re doing wrong—whether it’s about their career, relationships, or even small daily choices—it creates distance.

Even as adults, they may feel like they can never quite measure up, leading them to withdraw rather than seek closeness.

Criticism, even when well-intended, often does more harm than good. A parent might think they’re offering guidance, but if all their child hears is disapproval, it can erode their confidence and make them hesitant to open up.

Over time, they may start avoiding conversations or keeping parts of their life hidden just to escape the negativity.

If you want to strengthen your bond with your children, focus on encouragement rather than critique. Support their choices, acknowledge their efforts, and offer advice only when it’s truly needed.

When they feel accepted rather than judged, they’ll naturally want to keep you close.

2. Refusing to listen

Now, let me tell you a little story from my own life.

There was a time when my son would come home from school, all excited to share something about his day. He’d start talking and I, in my wisdom, would interrupt with my own interpretation or advice before he could even finish.

Before long, he stopped sharing. He’d just reply with a ‘fine’ when asked about his day. It took me a while to realize that my eagerness to advise or solve problems was actually shutting him down.

Listening is not just about hearing the words but understanding the emotions behind them. If your child feels like they have to compete with you for a chance to express themselves, it could drive a wedge between you.

So, if you’ve been guilty of interrupting or not truly listening, it might be time to let go of this behavior. It’s surprising how much love you’ll feel when your children know they’re being heard.

3. Failing to value their independence

Famed psychotherapist Carl Jung once said, “The greatest tragedy of the family is the unlived lives of the parents.”

Now, let’s dig into what that means for us.

You’ve spent years of your life raising your children, making decisions for them. But as they grow, they crave their independence, their space to make their own decisions and mistakes.

If you’re holding onto the reins too tightly, always trying to steer them on the path you think is right, you might be stunting their growth. And in turn, this could create resentment or distance.

An essential part of growing older gracefully is recognizing and respecting your children’s autonomy. Letting go of this control not only fosters their growth but also deepens your bond with them.

So, appreciate their independence and remember that their lives are not a continuation of yours but a journey all of their own.

4. Overstepping boundaries

Did you know that elephants are known for their incredible memory? But what’s even more fascinating is that they also have a keen understanding of social boundaries within their herds, which is something we can learn from.

As your children grow into adults, their lives will expand to include more than just their immediate family. They’ll have careers, partners, perhaps even kids of their own.

And while it’s natural for you to want to be a part of it all, it’s crucial to remember not to overstep boundaries.

If you’re always dropping by uninvited, calling at odd hours, or prying into their personal affairs, it could seem like you’re infringing on their space. This could lead them to distance themselves from you to maintain their privacy.

Respecting your children’s boundaries is about acknowledging their adulthood and treating them as equals. This could pave the way for a more open, respectful, and loving relationship with them. 

5. Neglecting self-care

We’ve talked a lot about how our actions can impact our children’s feelings towards us. But there’s another aspect we haven’t touched on yet: taking care of ourselves.

You’ve spent a considerable part of your life caring for others, especially your children. But as you get older, it’s equally important to care for yourself. This is not just about maintaining physical health but also about nurturing emotional well-being.

If you’re constantly complaining about ailments, or displaying a negative outlook on life, it can be emotionally draining for your children. They might feel burdened or pressured to make you happy, which could strain your relationship with them.

On the other hand, if they see you actively working on your physical and mental health, pursuing hobbies, and finding joy in life, it can have a positive impact on your relationship.

So, if self-neglect has become a habit, it might be time to say goodbye to it. Not just for your sake, but also for your relationship with your children.

6. Holding on to the past

We all have our share of mistakes and regrets. But dwelling on them or constantly bringing up your children’s past mistakes can create an unhealthy environment.

As your children grow, they’re bound to make mistakes. It’s a part of life and learning. However, if you’re always reminding them of their past errors, it can make them feel like they’re living under a shadow, unable to move forward.

Moreover, if you’re constantly reminiscing about the “good old days”, it might make them feel like they can never live up to your expectations of the past. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment.

It’s important to live in the present and let go of the past. Remember, your children are not their mistakes. They’re individuals growing and learning every day.

By letting go of the past, you pave the way for a healthier and more loving relationship with your children.

7. Avoiding genuine apology

Here’s the thing: nobody is perfect, and that includes us parents too.

There might have been times when you’ve lost your temper, said something hurtful, or made a decision that wasn’t in your child’s best interest. It happens to the best of us. But the key lies in acknowledging these mistakes and apologizing sincerely.

If you’ve been brushing off your mistakes or justifying them instead of apologizing, it could be creating a rift between you and your children. They might feel unheard or unvalued, which can lead to them distancing themselves.

On the other hand, a genuine apology can go a long way in healing wounds and rebuilding trust. It shows your children that you respect and value their feelings.

8. Forgetting to express love

This might sound like a no-brainer, but it’s surprising how often we forget to express love to our children, especially as they become adults.

You might think they know you love them, and they probably do. But hearing it, feeling it through your actions, can make a world of difference.

If you’ve been holding back on expressing your love – whether out of habit, fear of vulnerability, or any other reason – it might be creating a barrier in your relationship. Your children might feel unappreciated or unloved, which can lead them to distance themselves.

On the flip side, expressing your love openly and sincerely can strengthen your bond with them. It reassures them of your love and support, making them feel cherished and valued.

After all, no matter how old your child gets, they still need to know how much you love them. 

What would Jesus say?

Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?

Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.

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Check it out here.

 

Farley Ledgerwood

Farley Ledgerwood

Farley Ledgerwood, a Toronto-based writer, specializes in the fields of personal development, psychology, and relationships, offering readers practical and actionable advice. His expertise and thoughtful approach highlight the complex nature of human behavior, empowering his readers to navigate their personal and interpersonal challenges more effectively. When Farley isn’t tapping away at his laptop, he’s often found meandering around his local park, accompanied by his grandchildren and his beloved dog, Lottie.

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