9 signs a parent is jealous of their own child’s success, says psychology

As a person, it’s vital that we feel valued, supported, and celebrated especially by our parents.

Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Some parents, driven by their own insecurities and disappointments may harbor jealousy towards their child’s success.

Child-parent jealousy is a complex issue, often rooted in psychological factors like low self-esteem, competitiveness, or feeling threatened by their child’s achievements.

As shocking as it may sound, parents can sometimes display behaviors of envy and resentment towards their children’s accomplishments which can lead to emotional strain. Psychology provides us with insights into these behaviors and how to spot them.

1) They belittle

Belittling isn’t always as overt as hurling insults or name-calling. Often, it can take subtle forms and progressively creep into the parent-child relationship.

This could start off with subtle jabs at your achievements, making them seem less significant than they are. You might notice your parent constantly downplaying your success or trying to overshadow it with their own accomplishments.

Perhaps they make a habit of pointing out how they achieved more at your age, or how your success isn’t really that big of a deal. You might sense a lack of genuine joy or pride in their response to your achievements.

In other instances, they might make negative comments about your friends who celebrate your success or try to undermine their importance in your life.

This constant belittling is their way of dealing with their feelings of jealousy. It’s a sign that they are struggling to handle your success and are resorting to demeaning tactics to cope.

2) They compete

Competition is a healthy part of life and can often drive us to achieve more. But when a parent starts viewing their child’s success as a challenge or a threat, and begins competing with them, it can be harmful.

You may notice your parent constantly trying to one-up you, whether it’s about their past achievements, their knowledge, or even their skills. They might start comparing your achievements with their own at your age, always making sure they come out on top.

Perhaps they constantly remind you of how well they did in school when you share your academic achievements or how fast they climbed the corporate ladder when you share your professional progress.

This constant need for competition can stem from feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. When parents see their children excelling, it can trigger these emotions and lead them to compete instead of celebrating their child’s success.

3) They’re overly generous

While it’s natural for parents to want to provide for their children and give them the best, an overabundance of generosity can sometimes mask underlying feelings of jealousy.

Your parent might start buying you extravagant gifts or constantly offering financial help, even when you haven’t asked for it. They might insist on paying for everything, from your bills to your luxury items, under the guise of being supportive.

However, this could be their way of trying to maintain control or assert their importance in your life. By providing for you in this way, they’re indirectly reinforcing the notion that you still ‘need’ them despite your success.

This over-generosity can serve as a subtle reminder that while you may be successful, they still have something to offer. It’s a way for them to cope with their feelings of jealousy and maintain a sense of significance in your life.

4) They dismiss your feelings

Dismissing or invalidating your feelings is a clear indicator of an unhealthy relationship, and it’s no different in the context of a parent-child relationship.

Perhaps when you express your feelings or concerns about their behavior, they brush it off as you being overly sensitive or misinterpreting their actions. They might even turn it around, playing the victim and making you feel guilty for bringing it up.

This lack of empathy and invalidation can be a way for them to avoid confronting their own jealousy. By dismissing your feelings, they’re essentially denying any wrongdoing on their part and escaping any responsibility to change.

It’s a raw truth that dealing with a jealous parent can be emotionally draining and challenging. Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards understanding and addressing the issue.

5) They struggle to share your joy

As your parent, they are expected to be your biggest cheerleaders.

However, if they are grappling with feelings of jealousy, they may struggle to genuinely share in your joy and celebrate your accomplishments.

You might notice a lack of enthusiasm or a forced smile when you share your good news. They might quickly change the subject or offer only a half-hearted congratulations.

This isn’t because they wish you ill, but rather because they’re battling their own complex emotions. It can be hard for them to reconcile feeling proud of you and envious at the same time.

Remember, their struggle with jealousy is about their issues, not a reflection of your worth or accomplishments.

6) They criticize

Criticism can be a helpful tool for growth and improvement, but when it becomes excessive and unconstructive, it can be a sign of underlying jealousy.

Perhaps your parent always seems to find a flaw in your achievements or rarely has anything positive to say. Maybe they constantly pick at your choices or actions, making you feel like you can never quite meet their expectations.

This might remind you of that one friend who always seems to find something to critique, no matter how well things are going. It’s the same principle here – the constant criticism isn’t about your shortcomings but rather their inability to cope with your success.

It’s important to remember that everyone has their own journey and pace, and constant comparison or criticism doesn’t define your worth or success.

7) They exaggerate their own success

We all know someone who loves to embellish their stories a bit, making their fish a little bigger or their hiking trip a little more daring.

Parents can do this too, especially when they’re feeling a twinge of jealousy about their child’s success.

You may catch your parent often reminiscing about their “glory days”, with the tales growing taller each time. Maybe they’ve single-handedly built their company from scratch or were the star player of every sports team in high school.

This light-hearted exaggeration is their way of trying to match up to your achievements, reminding you (and themselves) of their own successes.

Remember, everyone loves a good story, and while your parent’s tales may be a little over the top, it’s their way of dealing with feelings they might not fully understand. It’s not always easy being a parent, especially when faced with the success of your child.

8) They compare you to others

Comparison is the thief of joy, as the saying goes, and this holds true in parent-child relationships as well.

If your parent constantly compares you to others, it’s a sign they might be dealing with feelings of jealousy.

They might mention how your cousin finished their degree faster, or how the neighbour’s kid got a better job. This isn’t about the other person’s success – it’s about them trying to diminish your own accomplishments.

This behaviour can be tough to deal with, but remember, you’re not in competition with anyone except yourself. Your path is unique to you, and no one else’s achievements can take away from your own.

Don’t let anyone make you feel inferior because you’re not following their timeline or path. Your success is yours alone, and it’s something to be proud of.

9) They negate your feelings

Negating your feelings is a significant sign of a parent grappling with jealousy. If you express how their actions make you feel, they might dismiss it, suggesting that you’re overreacting or being overly sensitive.

This is not just about their inability to handle your success, but also about their refusal to acknowledge the emotional impact of their actions on you. This can be one of the most hurtful behaviors as it essentially invalidates your emotions and experiences.

The most important thing to remember here is that your feelings are valid. If their actions are hurting you, it’s essential to acknowledge that and consider seeking professional help if necessary.

Your achievements are something to be proud of, and no one should make you feel otherwise.

Understanding and moving forward

If you’ve recognized some of these signs in your relationship with your parent, it’s important to remember that it’s not a reflection of you or your achievements. It’s about them and their struggles.

Being involved in a relationship where your parent is constantly belittling, competing, or comparing can feel disheartening and emotionally draining. It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and seek help if necessary.

Indeed, dealing with a parent who is jealous of your success can be challenging. Yet, remember that their jealousy is about their insecurities and issues, not about your worth or achievements.

Having one or multiple of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean your parent is jealous of your success. However, it does warrant an evaluation of whether these behaviours are affecting your emotional wellbeing.

Remember, everyone deserves respect and validation for their achievements. You should feel proud of your success and continue striving for your goals, irrespective of anyone else’s reaction.