We’ve all met him. The “nice guy”. He’s friendly, he’s charming, he’s always there when you need him. But what if he isn’t as nice as he seems?
The difference lies in genuine kindness and hidden agendas. A truly nice guy treats others with respect and kindness because it’s in his nature. But the “nice guy” we’re talking about here often has ulterior motives.
Spotting the difference can be tricky, but don’t worry, I’ve got your back. As a relationship expert, I’ve seen my fair share of deceptive nice guys.
Today, I share with you seven telltale signs that the “nice guy” in your life might not be so nice after all. Hold onto your hats, ladies, this is going to be an eye-opener!
1) He’s overly agreeable
We’ve all met someone who seems to agree with everything we say. It can be flattering at first, but it’s often a red flag.
The authentic nice guy has opinions and isn’t afraid to share them, even if they don’t align with yours. But the ‘nice guy’ we’re talking about here often agrees with you just to keep the peace or win you over.
This type of behavior is a tactic used by people who may have an ulterior motive. They tend to agree with you because they think it will make you like them more, not because they genuinely share your viewpoint.
A genuine relationship thrives on individuality and respectful disagreements. Don’t be fooled by excessive agreeability; it may not be as nice as you think.
2) He’s always the victim
This one hits close to home.
I once knew a ‘nice guy’ who always seemed to be the victim. No matter what happened, he was never at fault; it was always someone else’s doing.
The ‘nice guy’ often plays the victim card to gain sympathy and manipulate situations in their favor. They use their ‘misfortunes’ as a way to deflect blame, avoid responsibility, and keep you around to provide comfort and support.
True niceness doesn’t involve constant victimhood. It involves taking responsibility for one’s actions and dealing with life’s ups and downs with grace and maturity.
3) He’s quick to guilt trip
Another classic move of the ‘nice guy’ is the guilt trip.
He might say things like, “I did this for you, and now you’re going to leave me?” or “I guess I’m just not important to you.” And worst of all, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
Sound familiar?
This is a clear sign that his niceness might not be genuine. As the folks at Choosing Therapy have noted, these nice guys “expect something in return” for their “niceness.”
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this issue. Guilt tripping is a common tactic used by manipulative individuals to control their partners. It’s a form of emotional manipulation that can lead to codependency, draining your energy and self-esteem.
But for now just know that a genuinely nice man respects your boundaries and understands that you have a life outside of your relationship with him. He doesn’t use guilt as a weapon to manipulate your feelings.
4) He’s too nice, too soon
Counterintuitively, being ‘too nice’ can be a warning sign. If a guy showers you with compliments, gifts, and affection right from the start, it might feel like a fairytale.
But in reality, it can be a red flag.
Genuine connections take time to develop. Genuine men understand this and don’t rush things. They take the time to get to know you and let the relationship progress naturally.
But the ‘nice guy’ we’re talking about?
He might lay it on thick right from the start. This could be an attempt to sweep you off your feet before you have a chance to see his true colors.
5) He’s possessive
Here’s a personal story for you. I once dated a guy who seemed super nice.
But, over time, I noticed that he was overly possessive. He wanted to know where I was and who I was with all the time. At first, I mistook it for concern, but I soon realized it was control masked as niceness.
As the folks at WebMD have noted, “Possessiveness is fundamentally a fear of loss. Possessive people worry that their partners will leave them. This creates feelings of fear, anger, and sadness.”
While this fear is understandable, and we can sympathize with it, we are not therapists and should not have to deal with it all the time.
A genuine nice guy respects your individuality and understands that you need time and space for yourself. On the other hand, a ‘nice guy’ often shows signs of possessiveness. He may try to control your time, your friendships, and even your choices under the guise of care and concern.
Possessiveness is not a sign of love; it’s a sign of insecurity and manipulation.
6) He’s disrespectful to others
This is a raw truth that we often overlook.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat others, especially those they perceive as ‘less’ than them. If your ‘nice guy’ is rude to the waiter, dismissive of the homeless, cruel to animals, or disrespectful to his parents, it’s a huge red flag.
A good guy treats everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of their status or relationship with him. But the ‘nice guy’ we’re talking about might only be nice to you or those he wants to impress.
So, take off the rose-colored glasses and pay attention to how he treats others.
7) He frequently loses his temper
Let’s be brutally honest here.
A genuinely kind man doesn’t lose his temper at the drop of a hat.
However, the ‘nice guy’ we’re talking about might have frequent outbursts of anger, even over minor issues. As noted by Kaytee Gillis, a seasoned therapist, this can often be the case “if their niceness isn’t reciprocated.”
True kindness and respect mean controlling your anger and treating others with patience, even when things don’t go your way.
Conclusion
Navigating the world of ‘nice guys’ can be tricky, but with these signs in mind, you can better protect your heart and make informed decisions about who truly deserves your time and energy.
Remember, a truly good man respects you, values you, and treats others with kindness. Don’t be fooled by the ‘nice guy’ who hides his true intentions behind a façade of niceness.
For more insights on this topic and to learn how to break free from unhealthy relationship patterns, check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
Stay smart and stay vigilant, ladies. You deserve nothing but the best!
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