8 signs you don’t do enough to protect your boundaries from others

Have you ever felt drained after a conversation, like you gave too much of yourself without getting anything in return?

Or maybe you find it hard to say “no” even when you know you should.

These are just a couple of signs that you might not be protecting your boundaries well enough.

If you’ve noticed that people often overstep or that you feel overwhelmed by others’ demands, it could be a signal that it’s time to take better care of your boundaries.

Here are eight signs to look out for.

1) You constantly feel drained

Personal boundaries are like the walls of a home – they protect you, keep you safe.

One significant sign that you’re not doing enough to protect your boundaries is if you often feel emotionally drained.

This can happen when you habitually put others’ needs before your own, overextend yourself, or allow people to overstep your boundaries without taking any action.

It’s like leaving the doors and windows of your house wide open, letting all your energy seep out.

If you notice that interactions with certain people leave you feeling drained, it’s time to reconsider how much of yourself you’re giving away.

This could mean that you need to establish stronger boundaries, assert yourself more, or perhaps distance yourself from energy-draining individuals.

2) You’re often left with feelings of resentment

Another telltale sign that you’re not protecting your boundaries enough is a lingering sense of resentment.

It’s a feeling that creeps up on you when you continually give more than you receive or when you’re consistently doing things you don’t want to do.

I remember one time, a friend of mine was constantly asking for favors. I became her go-to person for any problem – be it small or big.

At first, I didn’t mind helping out – after all, that’s what friends are for. But as time went by, this one-way dynamic began to take its toll on me.

I found myself constantly drained and resentful. It wasn’t until I started feeling this resentment that I realized I was allowing her to overstep my boundaries consistently.

3) You have trouble saying no

The iconic artist and musician, Madonna once said, “No is a complete sentence. It does not require justification or explanation.”

If you find it difficult to say no, even when it’s in your best interest, you are likely not protecting your boundaries enough.

The inability to say no is like having a house with walls but no doors – people can come and go as they please without any restriction.

I’ve found myself in several situations where I felt obligated to say yes, even when everything in me was screaming no. It’s a constant struggle between wanting to be liked and respected, versus preserving my own energy and peace of mind.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation and it’s perfectly okay to turn down things that don’t serve your wellbeing or align with your values.

If you find yourself always saying yes when you really want to say no, this could be a clear sign that you need to work on setting better boundaries.

4) You’re always seeking validation from others

Psychology tells us that people who constantly seek validation from others often have weak personal boundaries.

This is because they’re overly concerned with pleasing others, often at their own expense.

I’ve noticed this in my own life too. I used to crave approval from others to the point where I’d compromise my own needs and desires.

It felt like I was living for other people’s opinions rather than for myself.

This constant need for validation can become exhausting and it’s certainly not healthy.

It can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction with life.

5) You feel guilty for prioritizing yourself

When setting boundaries, guilt is often an unwanted companion. If you frequently feel guilty about prioritizing your needs over others, it’s a clear indication that you’re struggling to maintain healthy boundaries.

I used to grapple with this guilt. Whenever I chose to do something for myself, there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I was being selfish or unkind.

But it’s important to understand that self-care is not selfish. It’s necessary.

Like they say on airplanes, you have to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others with theirs.

If you’re constantly feeling guilty for looking out for yourself, it’s likely that your boundaries need some serious bolstering. It might be time to accept that putting yourself first isn’t a sign of selfishness but a critical aspect of self-preservation.

6) Your relationships are mostly one-sided

In a balanced relationship, there’s give and take – it’s a two-way street. But if you find that your relationships are mostly about giving, with very little receiving in return, it’s a clear sign that your boundaries aren’t being respected.

I’ve been in relationships where I was the one always making the effort, always being there for the other person, but when I needed support, they were nowhere to be found.

It felt like I was pouring my energy into a bottomless pit, getting nothing back.

This kind of one-sided relationship is a clear indication that you’ve been letting others trespass your boundaries without realizing it.

7) You keep making excuses for others

If you find yourself regularly making excuses for other people’s behavior, especially when it’s at your expense, it might be a sign that you’re not protecting your boundaries effectively.

In the past, I was often the one justifying the actions of others towards me. “He didn’t mean it,” or “She’s just having a bad day,” were frequent thoughts. I was downplaying their disrespect towards me and in doing so, I was disregarding my own feelings and self-worth.

This habit of constantly excusing others not only undermines your boundaries but can also lead to a diminished sense of self-worth.

It’s crucial to recognize that everyone should be held accountable for their actions, regardless of their intentions or circumstances.

8) You struggle to express your feelings

One of the most telling signs that you’re not protecting your boundaries enough is if you struggle to express your feelings, particularly when you’re uncomfortable or upset.

In the past, I found it difficult to voice my discomfort or displeasure. I was more concerned about keeping the peace and not upsetting others, even if it meant suppressing my own emotions.

However, this often led to feelings of frustration and resentment.

Your feelings are valid and they matter. If you are unable to express them freely, especially when your boundaries are being crossed, it’s a clear indication that you need to strengthen your boundaries.

Final reflections

If you find yourself nodding along to these signs, chances are you’ve been neglecting your personal boundaries.

Don’t fret, though – this isn’t set in stone.

With self-awareness and intentional effort, you can shift this dynamic. The first step is recognizing when and where your boundaries are being overlooked. Notice when you agree to things out of obligation, suppress your feelings, or neglect your needs for the sake of others.

Once you identify these patterns, it becomes easier to pause, reflect and ask yourself – is this truly what I want? Does this align with my values and priorities?

Change doesn’t happen overnight – and that’s okay. Each time you choose to uphold your boundaries, you’re taking a step towards self-respect and self-care.

So take this as an invitation to start treating yourself with the same kindness and respect that you offer others. It’s not just okay to prioritize your needs – it’s essential.