9 signs your adult child doesn’t appreciate the sacrifices you made for them

We pour our heart and soul into raising our kids. We make sacrifices, big and small, to ensure they have the best life possible.

From working long hours to pay for their education to setting aside personal dreams, we do it all in the hope that, one day, they’ll look back with gratitude for everything we’ve done.

But what happens when that appreciation never seems to come?

If you’ve ever felt like your adult child takes you for granted, this article will help you recognize the signs and offer insight on how to approach the situation.

Here are 9 subtle signs your efforts may be going unnoticed—and what you can do about it.

1) They rarely say thank you

Gratitude goes a long way in life. It’s a simple gesture that can make a world of difference.

But what happens when this gesture is missing from your adult child’s behavior?

Often, a lack of gratitude can be a clear sign that your adult child doesn’t appreciate the sacrifices you made for them.

This isn’t about expecting grand gestures of thanks or elaborate displays of gratitude. It’s about the small, everyday acknowledgements that show they understand and appreciate the effort you’ve put into raising them.

It could be as simple as thanking you for a home-cooked meal or acknowledging how hard you worked to provide for their education.

Gratitude is key to fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding. So if these small tokens of gratitude are missing or scarce, it might be a sign of a deeper lack of appreciation.

2) They disregard your advice

As a parent, I’ve spent years guiding my children, offering them advice based on my own experiences and the wisdom I’ve gained over the years.

But there comes a time when they grow up and start making their own decisions.

There was one time when my adult daughter was facing a challenging situation at her job. I offered her some advice, drawing from my own experiences in the workplace.

To my surprise, she brushed it off, disregarding what I had to say and went ahead with her own solution.

Sure, she’s an adult now and has every right to make her own decisions.

But completely disregarding my advice made me feel like she didn’t value the wisdom that came from the sacrifices and experiences I had gone through in my life.

If your adult child consistently disregards your advice without giving it any consideration, it could be a sign that they don’t appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made and the wisdom you’ve gained as a result.

3) They don’t invite you into their life

A healthy adult-child and parent relationship often includes an open invitation into each other’s lives.

This doesn’t mean infringing on their privacy or expecting a constant update on every detail of their life. But it does involve sharing significant moments, achievements, and even challenges.

In a survey by Pew Research, 18% of young adults say their relationship with their parents is fair or poor. This emotional distance can be a sign that they might not fully appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made for them.

If your child is not inviting you into their life voluntarily, it might be time to have an open conversation about the dynamics of your relationship.

4) They don’t consider your feelings

Empathy is a key component of any relationship, and the one between parents and adult children is no exception.

If your child consistently makes decisions without considering the impact on you, it could be a sign of a lack of appreciation.

For instance, if they frequently make plans that involve you without consulting you first, or they fail to consider how their actions might affect you emotionally, it might be an indication that they don’t fully appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made for them.

Remember, it’s about mutual respect and understanding. If you feel like your feelings are not being considered, it might be time to address this issue with your adult child.

5) They are self-centered in your interactions

Having a two-way conversation with someone involves both talking and listening.

If your adult child tends to dominate the conversation with their own issues, thoughts, and experiences, without showing interest in yours, this could be a red flag.

It’s natural for young adults to go through phases where they’re figuring out their lives and need to focus on themselves.

However, if this self-centeredness continues well into their adulthood and becomes the norm in your interactions, it could be a sign that they don’t appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made for them.

Balanced communication, where both parties are equally heard and valued, is crucial in maintaining a strong parent-child relationship in adulthood.

6) They don’t make time for you

Time is a precious gift we give to the people we value and love. As parents, we devoted countless hours to our children’s upbringing, attending to their needs and ensuring their well-being.

But as our children grow up, their lives can become busy with work, friends, and their own families. Sometimes, it may feel like they can’t seem to find the time for us anymore.

If you often find yourself on the receiving end of cancelled plans or your adult child seems to be too busy to spend some quality time with you, your heart might feel a little heavy.

This could be a sign that they do not fully acknowledge the time, energy, and sacrifices you made for them..

7) They don’t ask about your well-being

Being a parent doesn’t mean you’re invincible. We all have our ups and downs, and sometimes, we too need a listening ear or a comforting word.

I remember going through a challenging period in my life. I was dealing with health issues and, at the same time, struggling with some personal matters.

I kept waiting for my adult son to ask how I was doing or show any concern about my well-being. But that conversation never came.

If your adult child seldom or never checks in on your well-being, it might indicate a lack of appreciation for the sacrifices you made. It’s essential to remember that even parents need care and attention sometimes.

8) They take more than they give

Relationships are about give and take. As parents, we tend to give more to our children, especially when they’re young.

However, as they grow older and start their own lives, we hope to see them reciprocate in small ways.

If you notice that your adult child frequently asks for favors or help but rarely offers their help in return, it could be a sign of imbalance in your relationship.

It’s not about keeping a tally, but a one-sided relationship can be an indication that they don’t appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made.

It’s important to foster a relationship that encourages mutual help and support, not just one-way assistance.

9) They react negatively to discussions about the past

Our past experiences and sacrifices often shape the lives of our children.

If your adult child reacts negatively or dismissively when you talk about the struggles you went through for their sake, it could be a significant sign of a lack of appreciation.

This reaction might not be a direct dismissal of your sacrifices, but it can show a lack of empathy or understanding towards your experiences.

Conversations about the past should be open and respectful, acknowledging the efforts you put into providing a better life for them.

Final thoughts: It’s about connection

Noticing signs of ingratitude isn’t about keeping score or fostering guilt. It’s about understanding our relationship with our adult children and finding ways to strengthen it.

So if you see these signs of unappreciation surface, see it as an opportunity to initiate open dialogue and set healthier boundaries.

By addressing the issue head-on, you not only honor your own efforts but also create the space for a deeper, more respectful relationship.

At the end of the day, you deserve to feel valued for the love and dedication you’ve poured into their lives.