10 signs your partner secretly wants an open relationship (even if they won’t admit it)

We live in a time where relationships are more diverse and open than ever before, but not everyone finds it easy to talk about their desires.

Have you ever felt like your partner might be hinting at wanting something different, like an open relationship, but won’t come out and say it?

Sometimes, the clues are there, just beneath the surface.

In this article, we’ll explore 10 signs that your partner might secretly want an open relationship, even if they haven’t admitted it yet, helping you recognize the signals and start an honest conversation.

1) They’re more interested in your fantasies

When it comes to identifying signs, a partner’s sudden interest in your fantasies is an intriguing place to start. Romantic relationships thrive on shared dreams and aspirations.

Yet, when your partner begins to specifically inquire about your fantasies—especially those involving multiple partners or less conventional scenarios—it may indicate something deeper.

This curiosity could go beyond innocent curiosity. They might be testing the waters to gauge your openness to non-traditional relationship arrangements.

This reminds me of a quote by the legendary psychologist Sigmund Freud: “No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.”

Essentially, even if your partner isn’t openly expressing a desire for an open relationship, their comments may hint at underlying feelings. Those seemingly innocent “what ifs” could signal a deeper yearning they hesitate to admit.

While this doesn’t guarantee that they want an open relationship, it certainly raises questions worth considering.

2) They frequently mention open relationships

Personal experience has taught me that people discuss topics that are on their minds. Case in point, my last partner, who suddenly started bringing up open relationships in our conversations.

At first, I just thought it was a topic of general interest, a relationship trend they’d read about somewhere.

But over time, the frequency of these conversations increased. It became a regular topic of discussion, even when we were just casually chatting.

In retrospect, it’s clear they were subtly communicating their desire for an open relationship. At the time though, I missed the signs and thought they were just interested in the concept.

3) They increase their focus on personal freedom

Open relationships naturally offer more personal freedom compared to monogamous ones. So, it’s not surprising that individuals interested in such arrangements may start placing greater importance on their independence.

A noticeable shift in your partner’s conversations, highlighting their need for space and individuality, might reveal their inclination toward exploring an open relationship.

This growing focus on autonomy isn’t just about personal growth; it could signal a deeper interest in reshaping the dynamics of your connection, hinting at a desire for more freedom in the relationship.

4) They exhibit less jealousy and more encouragement

Jealousy is a natural emotion, especially in romantic relationships. However, a partner who appears unusually calm in situations that might typically trigger jealousy could be signaling something more.

For example, they might seem unphased when you spend time with attractive friends, or even encourage it.

This openness could indicate a comfort level with the idea of you being with others, a common trait in open relationships.

That said, it’s important to approach this with caution. It might also just reflect deep trust, where your partner feels secure and unthreatened by your interactions with others.

5) They’re open about their attractions

In monogamous relationships, people tend to downplay their attractions to others to avoid conflict. A partner who begins openly discussing their interest in others could be hinting at a desire for something different.

They might casually comment on a coworker’s appearance or openly admire someone’s looks while you’re together.

While it’s normal to notice others’ attractiveness, bringing it up directly might suggest an underlying interest in exploring non-monogamous possibilities within the relationship.

6) They’re becoming distant

One of the hardest things to face in a relationship is the feeling of your partner pulling away. It’s a gut-wrenching experience that can lead to questioning everything.

A partner growing distant or becoming secretive doesn’t necessarily mean love has faded. They may be wrestling with their own desires, trying to understand them before speaking up.

This emotional distance might be tied to their contemplation of an open relationship, unsure of how to approach such a sensitive topic while managing their complex emotions.

7) They’re curious about your past relationships

Once, in a relationship I was in, my partner started showing a keen interest in my past relationships. They wanted to know how it was like with other people, what I enjoyed, what I missed, and if I ever considered revisiting those experiences.

Initially, I believed they were simply trying to get to know me better. But over time, it became clear that there was more to it. They were subtly testing how open I might be to reconnecting with old relationships or exploring new ones.

A sudden focus on your past relationships can indicate your partner’s interest in an open relationship. Their questions might serve as a way to assess your receptiveness to the idea, using your previous experiences as a reference point.

As the renowned psychologist Carl Jung noted, “We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the path of life.” This curiosity about your past could be their way of navigating their own desires and discovering how you might respond to them.

8) They increase affection and attention

Here’s a twist. You’d think a partner wanting an open relationship would pull away, right?

But sometimes, they might actually become more loving and attentive.

This could be their way of reassuring you of their love and commitment before broaching the subject of an open relationship. They might be trying to make you feel secure in your relationship before suggesting any changes.

9) They bring up friends in open relationships

When your partner discusses friends or acquaintances in open relationships, it warrants attention. This conversation may go beyond casual chat; it could be a deliberate attempt to introduce the concept into your own relationship.

They might share insights about how these friends navigate their open relationships, the rules they establish, and the benefits they experience. This approach aims to normalize the idea, showcasing it as a feasible option for both of you.

Such discussions may serve as a subtle indicator of your partner’s interest in exploring an open relationship, even without direct expression of their thoughts.

10) They’re experiencing consistent dissatisfaction

This one can be difficult to accept, yet it’s crucial to recognize. Constant expressions of dissatisfaction from your partner, despite your sincere efforts to enhance the relationship, may indicate a desire for change.

Such feelings aren’t necessarily a reflection of your actions or love. Your partner may hold deep affection for you while still yearning for the freedom and variety that an open relationship could provide.

Esteemed psychologist Abraham Maslow once remarked, “In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.”

Your partner might be yearning for growth in a way that doesn’t align with a traditional monogamous relationship. And their dissatisfaction could be a sign of this inner struggle between stepping forward into what they truly desire and stepping back into the safety of what is expected or accepted.

Understanding the unspoken

Human behavior in intimate relationships reveals hidden desires and unspoken longings. By understanding these nuances, we can connect with our partner’s deepest needs.

In the context of open relationships, every sign or hint isn’t definitive proof but rather a potential indication. It’s crucial to avoid jumping to conclusions and instead foster open, honest conversations.

Whether your partner is contemplating an open relationship or not, these discussions can strengthen your bond, deepen understanding, and cultivate mutual respect. Such understanding paves the way for relationships rooted in shared values, creating space for authentic connection and growth.

Ultimately, the real question isn’t just whether your partner desires an open relationship; it’s whether you’re truly listening and recognizing each other’s needs.

Are you nurturing an environment for open dialogue regarding your relationship structure? Are both of you feeling fulfilled and authentic? These are the questions that truly matter.