9 subtle behaviors that can sabotage trust in your relationship, says psychology

Trust is a fundamental pillar in any relationship. It is the glue that binds us, providing security and comfort. Without it, a relationship can quickly crumble, leaving feelings of loneliness and despair.

Sadly, trust can be sabotaged in subtle ways that we may not immediately recognize. These behaviors, often inconspicuous and insidious, can slowly erode the trust between partners.

It’s not always about the grand betrayals or blatant lies. Sometimes it’s the little things – the secrets, the omissions, the lack of transparency – that can cause the most damage.

In this article, we’ll explore these behaviors so you can recognize them and take steps to address them before they wreak havoc on your relationship.

1) They avoid difficult conversations

Avoidance of tough conversations can be a subtle sign of trust issues in your relationship. It might not seem harmful at first, but over time it can create a significant barrier to open communication.

Your partner might steer clear of discussions about the future, or avoid conversations about their past. They might change the subject when you bring up something that bothers you, or they may dismiss your feelings altogether.

This avoidance can create a lack of transparency in your relationship. When your partner avoids difficult conversations, they’re essentially saying they don’t trust you with their thoughts, feelings, and fears.

This can leave you feeling like you’re not a part of their life or that they’re hiding something from you.

Over time, this behavior can erode trust and create a deep divide between you and your partner.

2) They’re inconsistent with their words and actions

Inconsistency can be a subtle, yet powerful way to erode trust in a relationship. It can manifest in different ways; from promises made and not kept, to behaviors that contradict what they say.

You may notice your partner praising honesty, but then catch them in small lies. They might profess their love for you, but their actions don’t reflect the same sentiment.

Or they could promise to spend more quality time with you, only to continually prioritize other aspects of their life.

This inconsistency between words and actions can create confusion and doubt.

You start questioning their sincerity and your trust in them begins to wane. You may begin to feel insecure about their feelings for you and the future of your relationship.

In the realm of psychology, this is akin to cognitive dissonance – where one’s actions do not align with their professed beliefs or values. And it’s a surefire way to sabotage trust in a relationship.

3) They’re overly agreeable

On the surface, a partner who agrees with everything you say or do might seem like a dream come true. You may feel like you’ve found someone who truly understands you and shares your perspective on everything.

But in reality, this behavior can subtly undermine trust in your relationship. A partner who is always agreeable might be avoiding conflict or suppressing their true feelings to keep you happy.

This lack of authenticity can make you question whether they’re being genuine or just telling you what you want to hear.

When disagreements or differing opinions never surface, it can mean your partner isn’t being completely honest with themselves or you.

This can lead to feelings of doubt and mistrust, as you wonder what else they might be hiding.

While healthy relationships involve compromise and understanding, they also require honesty, authenticity, and the ability to express differing opinions without fear of repercussion.

4) They brush off your feelings

Nothing can quite erode trust like having your feelings dismissed or invalidated. It’s raw, it’s painful, and it can leave you questioning your worth in the relationship.

When you express your feelings, fears or concerns, and they are met with indifference, it can leave you feeling alone and unimportant.

Your partner might tell you that you’re overreacting, being too sensitive, or they might simply change the topic.

This behavior subtly communicates that your emotions, your experiences, and by extension you, are not valued.

Over time, this can undermine trust in your relationship. You might stop sharing your feelings altogether, leading to emotional distance.

Trust is built when partners feel heard, acknowledged and validated. If your emotions are constantly brushed off, it’s a clear sign that something is amiss in the trust department.

5) They don’t share their vulnerabilities

In a relationship, sharing your vulnerabilities can be a powerful way to connect and build trust. It shows your partner that you trust them enough to reveal your weaknesses, fears, and insecurities.

However, if your partner rarely or never shares their vulnerabilities, it can be a subtle sign that they don’t fully trust you.

They might seem always strong and composed, never letting you see their struggles or moments of self-doubt.

While it’s natural to want to appear strong for your partner, a lack of vulnerability can create distance. It can make you feel like you’re not truly getting to know them, leading to feelings of disconnect and mistrust.

Remember, it takes courage to be vulnerable. It’s okay if your partner takes time to open up.

But if they consistently avoid showing any vulnerability, it might be time to have a conversation about trust in your relationship.

6) They’re constantly on their phone

In today’s digital age, it’s no surprise that our phones have become an integral part of our lives. But when your partner is constantly on their phone, even when you’re spending time together, it can subtly erode trust.

It may start innocently enough. They’re just checking work emails during dinner or scrolling through social media while you’re talking about your day. But over time, it can make you feel like you’re competing for their attention.

You may start wondering why they’re so engrossed in their phone. Are they hiding something? Is there someone else? These thoughts can lead to feelings of insecurity and mistrust.

It’s important for both partners to be present and engaged during their time together. If the phone is becoming a third wheel in your relationship, it might be time to address it.

7) They’re always late

We all have those moments when we lose track of time and end up running late. But when your partner is consistently late, it can subtly chip away at your trust in them.

Whether it’s showing up late for dinner dates, forgetting to call when they said they would, or always making you wait, these seemingly small lapses can add up over time.

You might start to feel like you’re not a priority or that they don’t respect your time. This can create doubts about their reliability and commitment to the relationship, weakening the trust you have in them.

Of course, nobody’s perfect and we all run late sometimes. But if tardiness becomes a habit, it might be worth having a heart-to-heart talk about how it affects your trust in the relationship.

8) They’re reluctant to make commitments

Commitment is a cornerstone of any solid relationship. If your partner is constantly shying away from making commitments, whether big or small, it can be a subtle indicator that trust is lacking in your relationship.

Maybe they’re always non-committal about future plans, or they hesitate when it comes to defining the relationship. Perhaps they avoid talking about moving in together or balk at the idea of joint bank accounts.

While it’s important to respect your partner’s pace and comfort level in a relationship, a consistent reluctance to commit can signal a lack of trust or fear of vulnerability.

This can erode your faith in the relationship and leave you questioning their intentions.

If commitment issues persist, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation about where your relationship stands. It may be tough, but it’s vital for maintaining trust and understanding between partners.

9) They don’t follow through

When it comes to trust, one of the most important things to remember is the power of follow-through.

If your partner consistently fails to follow through on their promises or commitments, it can significantly undermine your trust in them.

They might promise to help with the dishes, but then forget. They might commit to spending more time with you, but then always seem too busy.

Or they could pledge to work on their temper, but then lose control at the slightest provocation.

These broken promises, however small, can accumulate over time and cause you to question their reliability. Trust is built on consistency and reliability, and when these are lacking, trust can quickly start to crumble.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. If your partner’s actions consistently fail to match their words, it’s a clear sign that trust is being sabotaged in your relationship.

Reflecting on trust in your relationship

Being in a relationship with someone who subtly sabotages trust can leave you feeling insecure and uncertain.

You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly questioning their motives and your worth in the relationship.

If you’ve identified some of these behaviors in your partner, it’s crucial to have open, honest communication.

Discuss your feelings and concerns without blame. You might be surprised to find that they’re oblivious to the impact of their actions.

However, if these behaviors persist despite your efforts, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

It takes two committed individuals to build and maintain trust in a relationship. If only one person is making the effort, it can lead to a lot of pain and heartache.

Reflect on these signs and consider whether or not you feel secure, valued, and trusted in your relationship.

Because at the end of the day, you deserve a relationship where trust is given freely, nurtured consistently, and valued deeply.