9 subtle behaviors that indicate you’re in a relationship with a very difficult person, according to psychology

I’ve often wondered how to tell if someone is just having a bad day or if there’s something more to their behavior.

In my own experience, the subtle signs can be the most telling. Psychology has helped me see that certain actions, the ones we might brush off in the moment, can actually reveal a lot about the person we’re with.

So, let’s explore these nine behaviors that might signal you’re dealing with someone who brings more challenges than comfort into your life.

1) They often shift the blame

When it comes to relationships, accountability is very important. However, when you’re dealing with a difficult person, you might notice a pattern of blame-shifting.

This behavior is a common trait in difficult people.

When things go awry, instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they tend to place the blame on others.

This can be a subtle indication that they struggle with accepting their faults and mistakes.

It could be a small matter, like forgetting to pick up groceries, or larger issues like failing to communicate effectively.

If you find that your partner often points the finger at you or others when things go wrong, it might be time to take note. 

2) They don’t respect your boundaries

A personal boundary is a limit we set to protect our well-being. When in a relationship with a difficult person, you might notice that they often disregard these boundaries.

Take my case for example. I remember having a partner who would constantly invade my personal space.

Despite several discussions about needing some alone time to recharge, they simply couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to spend every waking moment with them.

They took it as a personal slight instead of respecting my need for solitude.

This kind of behavior can be subtle but it’s an indication of a lack of respect for personal boundaries. If you’re experiencing something similar, try to communicate your needs clearly and assertively.

It’s important for any healthy relationship that both partners respect each other’s boundaries.

3) They frequently display negative emotions

Negative emotions are a part of life. Everyone has bad days and it’s completely normal to feel sad, angry, or frustrated at times.

However, if your partner is constantly displaying negative emotions, it could be a sign of a deeper issue. Psychologists often call it emotional dysregulation.

People who frequently express negative emotions often struggle with emotional stability.  This doesn’t imply that they’re bad people, but it can make relationships challenging.

For instance, if your partner is consistently pessimistic, gets easily irritated, or is always anxious, it might lead to a stressful environment.

It’s important to address these issues openly and consider seeking professional help if necessary.

4) They’re excessively controlling

In a balanced relationship, both partners should feel free to express their thoughts, make decisions and have some level of autonomy.

However, a difficult person might often try to control your actions, decisions or even thoughts.

This can manifest in various ways. They might insist on making all the decisions, from where you eat dinner to how you spend your free time.

Or they may attempt to control who you interact with or how you dress.

It’s okay to compromise in a relationship but it should never feel like you’re losing your freedom or individuality.

Psychotherapist Amy Lewis Bear suggests that a healthy compromise in a relationship involves preserving your individuality while addressing the needs of both partners, rather than pleasing only one party.

If your partner often displays controlling behavior, it’s time to address the issue and establish a more equal ground.

5) They’re rarely empathetic

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a crucial element in maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

However, a difficult person might struggle with expressing empathy.

If your partner rarely shows understanding or sympathy when you’re going through a tough time, it can feel like you’re emotionally isolated. They might dismiss your feelings, or worse, belittle them.

This lack of emotional support can be damaging in the long run. If empathy seems to be missing in your relationship, it might be time to have a serious conversation about it.

6) They seldom apologize

We all make mistakes. That’s part of being human. But the real test comes in acknowledging our fault and apologizing sincerely.

In a relationship with a difficult person, you might notice a lack of apologies. Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they may find it hard to say those three little words – “I am sorry”.

This reluctance to apologize can leave you feeling unheard and invalidated. It can create a wall between you two, causing emotional distance.

An apology is an acknowledgment of wrongdoing and a pledge to do better, which is why it’s so important. If your partner rarely apologizes, it’s a subtle sign that they may be a difficult person to be with.

7) They have a knack for creating drama

Life has its ups and downs, and we all experience our fair share of drama. However, if your partner seems to thrive on conflict, it could be a sign of a difficult personality.

I’ve been in such a situation myself. There was always some issue, some argument waiting to happen. It was like walking on eggshells, never knowing when the next outburst would occur.

It felt draining, as if all the joy was being sucked out of our relationship.

If you find yourself constantly caught up in unnecessary drama or conflicts, it may be time to reassess your relationship. Peace and harmony should be the norm, not the exception.

8) They tend to be self-centered

In a relationship, both partners’ needs and feelings should be considered. But if you’re with a difficult person, you might notice that they often put their needs and feelings above yours.

Self-centered behaviour can range from talking too much about themselves to showing little interest in your life or feelings. It can feel like you’re always playing second fiddle to their wants and needs.

If your partner frequently displays self-centered behaviour, it’s worth addressing the issue for the sake of your relationship’s health.

9) They belittle your achievements

In a healthy relationship, your partner should be your biggest cheerleader. They should celebrate your victories, big or small, and encourage you to reach your full potential.

However, a difficult person might belittle your achievements or even try to overshadow them with their own. Instead of feeling proud and happy, you might find yourself feeling small and insignificant.

This type of behavior can deteriorate your self-esteem and happiness. You deserve someone who values you, respects you, and rejoices in your successes.

Final thoughts: Don’t expect them to change overnight

Human behavior is a complex mix of emotions, attitudes, and actions. And relationships, being an intense manifestation of these behaviors, can be even more complicated.

Usually, a difficult person’s behavior is deeply ingrained and may not change overnight. These behaviors can stem from various factors including past experiences, learned behaviors, or even their innate personality traits.

Having said that, no one is perfect. We all have our quirks and flaws. But if your relationship leaves you feeling drained more often than not, it might be time to reassess.

You may want to consider having an open conversation with your partner, seeking professional help, or making the decision to walk away – your happiness and mental health should always be a priority.

Acceptance, understanding, and patience might just be the answer to managing relationships with difficult people.