8 subtle behaviors you don’t realize drive people away from you

Ever wonder why some people seem to pull away, but you’re not quite sure what went wrong?

It’s a tough spot to be in, no doubt.

We all have certain habits or behaviors that, without even realizing it, might push people away. The tricky part?

These actions are often so subtle we don’t even know we’re doing them.

As someone who’s spent a lot of time navigating the complexities of human relationships, I’m here to shine a light on eight of those quiet behaviors that could be driving others away.

Let’s get into ’em. 

1) You’re always “too busy”

Between work, family, and trying to squeeze in a little me-time, our schedules can get pretty packed.

Here’s the kicker, though. When we constantly tell people we’re “too busy”, it can create distance.

You see, relationships – whether they’re professional or personal – require investment, and time is a big part of that.

When we’re constantly too swamped to spend time with others, it can send a message that they’re not a priority for us.

Sure, we’re all legitimately busy at times. But if you find yourself perpetually pleading a packed schedule, you might be unknowingly pushing people away.

It’s not about having time – it’s about making time. The next time someone important to you asks for your attention, try to make room for them. It could make all the difference in your relationships.

2) You “don’t take no for an answer”

Persistence is a virtue, right?

Well, not always.

In my line of work, I’ve seen relationships strained because one party just couldn’t accept a simple “no”.

Respecting boundaries is a crucial part of any relationship. When we don’t take “no” for an answer, it can come across as being disrespectful and even aggressive.

I’ve been guilty of this myself at times. I mean, who doesn’t want to get their way?

However, I’ve learned that pushing too hard can drive people away rather than bring them closer.

3) You’re a chronic complainer

Life can be tough sometimes and it’s completely natural to vent a little when things go awry. But there’s a fine line between venting and chronic complaining.

When we’re constantly negative, it can be emotionally draining for the people around us. No one wants to be around a perpetual rain cloud, and without realizing it, your complaints could be driving people away.

I’m not suggesting that you should bury your feelings or problems. After all, we’re only human! But try focusing on the good, and you might find that people are more attracted to your sunny disposition.

4) You’re overly agreeable

Now, this one might surprise you. Are you always the one nodding along, agreeing with everything that’s said?

While it might seem like a surefire way to avoid conflict and get along with everyone, it could actually be putting people off. 

Why?

Constant agreement can come across as insincere, and it can make people question whether you have your own opinions or if you’re just saying what you think they want to hear.

In fact, healthy disagreement can actually strengthen relationships. It shows that you trust the other person enough to express your true feelings and thoughts.

Don’t be afraid to disagree every now and then. As long as you do it respectfully, it could actually bring you closer to others.

5) You’re guilty of “phubbing”

“Phubbing”—a combination of “phone” and “snubbing”—refers to the act of ignoring someone in favor of your phone.

And it’s all too common nowadays; in a small survey, nearly half (46%) of the respondents said their partner had “phubbed” them, and 23% admitted it caused problems in their relationship.

I’ll be honest; I’ve been guilty of it, too—endlessly scrolling through social media or checking emails when I should be focused on the person in front of me.

The problem is, most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

But here’s the thing—while our phones keep us connected to the larger world, they can sever the connection with the people right in front of us.

Constant phone use during conversations sends the signal that you’re not fully present, leaving others feeling overlooked.

The person in front of you is more important than the one on your screen. Put the phone down, engage, and show them they matter. It’ll strengthen your bonds and make them feel truly valued.

6) You’re not accountable for your actions

This one’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s crucial. As humans, we all make mistakes. And how we handle these blunders can make or break our relationships.

When we constantly deflect blame and refuse to take responsibility, we create an environment of mistrust and resentment. It’s a behavior that screams “I don’t value you enough to be honest”.

I’ve learned that owning up to my mistakes hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been necessary. It shows maturity and respect for the other person’s feelings.

Accountability fosters trust and understanding – it reassures people that you value the relationship enough to be honest, even when it’s difficult.

So, next time you mess up (because we all do), own it. You’ll be surprised at how this simple act of honesty can mend bridges and strengthen bonds.

7) You’re a conversation hogger

I’ve been there – excited about a topic, I’d dive in headfirst, forgetting to come up for air and give others a chance to speak.

But the truth is, people want to be heard.

They crave validation and understanding just as much as you do. If you’re always the one doing the talking, it can make them feel marginalized and unimportant.

Next time you’re in a conversation, pause. Listen. Engage with what the other person is saying instead of planning your next monologue. You might learn something new and make the other person feel valued at the same time.

8) You’re overly critical

Last but not least, if you’re always pointing out flaws and rarely appreciating the good in others, it can make them feel inadequate and unloved.

It might come from a good place, but nobody enjoys being around someone who makes them feel like they’re never good enough.

Worse yet, as noted by the folks at Psych Central, “Too much negative feedback can affect a person’s mental health, often playing a role in the developing and recurrence of conditions such as depression.”

None of us want that. 

Try to offer constructive feedback when necessary, but remember to also highlight the positive. A kind word can go a long way in building strong, lasting relationships.

Wrapping up

There you have it – 8 subtle behaviors that might be driving people away from you.

Do you recognize any in yourself?

If so, remember it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being self-aware and willing to change and grow.

As always, I hope you found this post useful.

Here’s to healthier, happier relationships!