7 subtle body language cues that show someone is deeply upset (even if they are trying to hide it)

Decoding non-verbal cues can be a tricky task. Especially when it comes to identifying if someone is deeply upset, even if they’re doing their best to hide it. It’s an art that requires careful observation, intuition, and a deep understanding of the subtle signs of human behavior.

Body language can often convey more than words. It’s the unspoken dialogue that reveals hidden emotions and intentions. If you’ve ever wondered how you can sense if someone is truly upset, despite their efforts to mask it, then this guide is for you.

In this article, we’re going to explore seven subtle body language cues that can reveal if someone is deeply distressed. Each sign may seem minor on its own, but when combined they paint a clearer picture of what the person might be feeling internally.

1) Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is one of the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication. It’s a way of connecting with others, showing interest, and expressing emotions. When someone is upset, they might avoid eye contact in an attempt to hide their distress.

A person trying to conceal their upset feelings may frequently look away or down. They might also blink more often than usual or have a glazed-over look in their eyes. This avoidance is not always due to a lack of confidence or shyness. It can be a subtle sign they are wrestling with inner turmoil.

It’s important to note that cultural differences can influence eye contact norms. In some cultures, direct eye contact is considered disrespectful or aggressive. Always consider the context and individual’s background while interpreting this cue.

2) Closed-off posture

Body posture can reveal a lot about someone’s emotional state. When an individual is deeply upset, you might notice a shift in their body language towards a more closed-off posture.

They might cross their arms or legs, hunch their shoulders, or lower their head. These gestures can act as a sort of protective barrier, a way to shield themselves from further emotional discomfort.

It’s as if they are unconsciously trying to create a physical barrier between themselves and the source of their distress.

It’s crucial to take into consideration the person’s usual body language. Some people naturally have a more closed-off posture due to comfort or habit. It’s when these changes are out of character that they may indicate underlying upset feelings.

3) Unusual fidgeting

Fidgeting is a common response when someone is feeling uneasy or upset. It’s a way for the body to deal with stress and dissipate nervous energy. If you notice someone fidgeting more than usual, it could be an indication they are upset.

This could manifest as restless movements like tapping fingers, shaking a leg, constantly adjusting their position, or playing with objects such as a pen or piece of jewelry. These movements are often unconscious and can be a reliable sign that something is off emotionally.

Of course, some people naturally fidget more than others due to anxiety or restlessness. Recognize deviations from their normal behavior. 

4) Changes in vocal patterns

One’s voice can be a telling sign of their emotional state, even if they’re trying to hide it. When a person is upset, their voice might undergo subtle changes that can be picked up if you’re attentive.

The pitch of their voice might increase, or they might start speaking faster than usual.

On the other hand, some people may speak slower and in a lower tone when they are upset. Stammering, stuttering, or frequent use of fillers like “um” and “you know” could also be indicators of distress.

It’s crucial to remember that everyone reacts differently when upset. The key is to notice any significant deviation from their regular speech patterns.

5) Touching the face often

Another body language cue to notice is frequent touching of the face. This can be a sign of discomfort or distress, indicating someone might be upset.

When people are upset, they often touch their face more than usual. They might rub their forehead, cover their mouth, or touch their cheeks or neck. These actions can be part of a self-soothing behavior to manage discomfort.

As always, it’s important to compare these actions to their normal behavior. If they usually touch their face often, then this may not be a reliable sign. But increased frequency compared to their norm might suggest something is amiss.

6) Excessive sighing

Sighing is a natural human response to stress or fatigue. However, excessive sighing can be a subtle indicator that someone might be deeply upset.

A sigh can be a way of releasing built-up tension or stress, almost like a non-verbal expression of “I’m struggling.” If you notice someone sighing more often than usual, especially in situations that are not physically tiring, it could be a sign they are dealing with emotional distress.

While occasional sighs are normal, an increase in frequency may suggest that a person is trying to cope with inner turmoil. As ever, it’s important to compare this behavior to their norm to discern the difference.

7) Shifts in personal space

The space people maintain between themselves and others can also give clues about their emotional state. When someone is upset, they might unconsciously increase their personal space or distance themselves from others.

This could mean stepping back during a conversation, sitting farther away than usual, or avoiding close proximity to others. It’s as if the physical distance mirrors the emotional distance they are trying to create to cope with their feelings of distress.

If you notice someone consistently adjusting their position to maintain more distance, it could be an indication of emotional discomfort.

Having covered these seven subtle cues, in the next section, we’ll further delve into how to approach and communicate with someone who might be deeply upset, ensuring we do so with empathy and understanding.

Approaching with empathy

Noticing these subtle cues is only the first step. The next is approaching and communicating with empathy. This can be a delicate task, especially if the individual is trying to hide their feelings of distress.

It’s essential to approach them in a non-confrontational way, showing that you are there to offer support, not to pry or judge. Expressing genuine concern for their well-being can help them feel more comfortable opening up about their feelings.

This is not about fixing their problems or offering unsolicited advice.

It’s about providing a safe space for them to express their emotions, validating their feelings, and offering comfort. Offering a listening ear can make a world of difference for someone who is deeply upset.

Let’s continue this journey of understanding and empathizing with others, further nurturing our relationships with those around us.