As humans, we need to be validated, understood, and treated with kindness.
In contrast, deeply judgmental individuals often lack these qualities. They may subtly use certain phrases that can leave us feeling small, invalidated, and misunderstood.
Deeply judgmental people are those who tend to quickly form negative opinions about others without understanding or empathizing with their circumstances.
This behaviour can be subtle and is often masked by phrases that seem harmless on the surface.
Psychology has identified certain phrases that these individuals frequently use, which can slowly wear down our self-esteem and confidence over time.
1) “You always…” or “You never…”
It’s common for deeply judgmental people to communicate in absolutes, often using phrases such as “You always” or “You never”.
This way of speaking can feel very black and white, leaving little room for understanding or empathy.
You may notice that they tend to generalize your behaviors and actions, giving no consideration to the circumstances or your feelings.
This can be a subtle way of passing judgment without appearing overtly critical.
These phrases can be especially damaging as they not only critique a single action but make sweeping assertions about your character.
It’s essential to remember that we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and no one is defined by a single action or mistake.
2) “If I were you…”
The phrase “If I were you…” is another subtle tool used by judgmental people.
It’s a way of imposing their perspective and values onto you, implying that their way of doing things is the only acceptable or correct way.
You might hear them say, “If I were you, I would have handled that differently.”
This implies that your way of handling the situation was wrong or inadequate, which can slowly erode your self-esteem over time.
This phrase is a clear indicator of a lack of empathy. Empathy involves understanding and sharing another person’s feelings from their point of view, not from one’s own perspective.
When someone uses this phrase, they’re showing a lack of understanding and consideration for your unique experience and feelings.
3) “I’m just being honest…”
The phrase “I’m just being honest…” is often used by judgmental people as a cover for their harsh or critical comments.
It’s a way of justifying their judgement, making it seem like they’re doing you a favor by telling you the ‘truth’.
They might say something hurtful and then follow it with, “I’m just being honest”.
This can make you feel as though you’re overreacting or being too sensitive, when in reality, they’re using honesty as an excuse to be unnecessarily critical.
While honesty is a valuable trait, it should never be used as a weapon to hurt others.
True honesty is constructive and comes from a place of kindness and respect, not judgement.
4) “Why can’t you be more like…?”
Hearing the phrase “Why can’t you be more like…?” can feel like a punch in the gut. It’s a comparison that not only criticizes you but also puts someone else on a pedestal.
Whether they’re comparing you to a friend, a sibling, or even an ex, this phrase is a clear sign of judgment.
It implies that you’re not good enough as you are, and that you should strive to be more like someone else.
This can be deeply damaging to your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
It’s not fair or healthy for anyone to compare you to others. You are unique and valuable just as you are, and no one should make you feel otherwise.
5) “You’re too sensitive…”
The phrase “You’re too sensitive…” is often used by judgmental people to invalidate your feelings or reactions.
It’s a subtle way of blaming you for feeling hurt by their words or actions, rather than taking responsibility for their own behaviour.
If you express that you felt hurt by something they said or did, they might reply with, “You’re too sensitive”.
This can make you question your own feelings and feel guilty for having them.
It’s important to remember that everyone has a right to their feelings. If someone’s words or actions hurt you, your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to express them.
No one has the right to judge you for how you feel.
6) “It’s just a joke…”
Ever been stung by a hurtful comment, only for the person to brush it off with “It’s just a joke”?
This phrase is a classic move by judgmental people. It allows them to pass off their criticism as humor, leaving you feeling belittled and confused.
They might make a snide remark about your appearance, your job or your interests and then quickly add, “It’s just a joke”.
This can make you feel like you’re overreacting if you express hurt or annoyance.
Jokes should bring joy, not pain. If someone’s ‘joke’ makes you uncomfortable or hurts your feelings, it’s not a joke – it’s thinly veiled judgement.
Your feelings are important, and you have every right to express them.
7) “That’s just how I am…”
The phrase “That’s just how I am…” is often used by judgmental people as a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or words.
It’s as if they’re saying, “I can’t change, so you’ll just have to put up with me.”
They might frequently criticize or belittle you and then shrug it off with, “That’s just how I am”.
This can make you feel as though you’re expected to tolerate their judgement without complaint.
But here’s a light-hearted truth; we’re all works in progress! Growth and change are possible for everyone.
You’re not obliged to put up with someone’s judgmental behavior just because they’ve decided they can’t or won’t change.
8) “You’re overreacting…”
“You’re overreacting…” is another phrase judgmental people love to use.
It’s a way of dismissing your feelings and making you question your reactions.
For instance, if you express upset about something they’ve said or done, they might quickly label you as overreacting.
This can lead to self-doubt and make you question your own emotional responses.
Here’s the tough love: Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to express them without being dismissed or belittled.
Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. It’s okay to stand up for yourself and demand respect.
9) “You’re just not good at…”
The phrase “You’re just not good at…” is a powerful tool in the hands of judgmental people.
It’s a way of highlighting your weaknesses or failures, often without any constructive feedback or encouragement.
For example, they might say, “You’re just not good at cooking” or “You’re just not good at sports”.
This can make you feel inadequate and can damage your self-confidence.
But here’s the most important thing to remember: Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it’s completely okay. No one is perfect.
You are more than capable of learning, growing, and improving in areas you may struggle with.
Don’t let anyone’s judgment define your worth or abilities. You are much more than what you’re ‘not good at’.
Final thoughts
Interacting with deeply judgmental people can be emotionally draining.
Their subtle, yet constant, criticism can have a profound impact on your self-esteem and well-being.
Renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown once said, “Don’t try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.”
This quote underlines an important point: you cannot change judgmental people, and it’s not your responsibility to do so.
If you find yourself constantly on the receiving end of these subtle phrases, it’s essential to recognize the impact they’re having on you.
It might be time to reconsider the nature of these relationships and set boundaries to protect your mental health.
Remember, this article isn’t meant to label or diagnose anyone in your life.
It serves as a guide to help you identify certain patterns of communication that may be harmful.
Having one or two of these phrases thrown at you occasionally doesn’t necessarily mean you’re dealing with a deeply judgmental person.
But if these phrases are part of a consistent pattern, it’s a cause for reflection.
Are these interactions helping you grow, or are they diminishing your sense of self-worth? You deserve respect, understanding, and kindness in all your relationships.
Reflect on this as you navigate your path forward.
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