Words are powerful—especially when used by a narcissistic man. His phrases might sound sweet or innocuous at first, but they often carry a hidden agenda.
Every compliment, apology, or offhand remark could be a subtle tool to manipulate, control, or keep you in his grip without you even realizing it.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how these carefully crafted words can chip away at your confidence and leave you questioning your reality. They’re not just words—they’re weapons.
In this article, I’ll uncover seven subtle phrases narcissistic men love to use, exposing the manipulative tactics behind them.
By understanding these red flags, you’ll be better equipped to protect your boundaries, your self-worth, and your emotional well-being.
1) “You’re too sensitive”
Swimming in the dating pool, you’re bound to come across a shark. And often, that shark will be a narcissistic man.
One phrase they love to use is “you’re too sensitive”.
It sounds benign, right? But it’s actually a clever tool to shift blame and control the narrative.
Here’s how it works.
Let’s say you express your feelings about something that upset you. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, he’ll tell you that you’re just being too sensitive.
But here’s the thing – it’s not about sensitivity. It’s about manipulation, shifting the blame from his actions onto your reaction.
It’s an insidious way to make you question your own feelings and responses and to keep you on your toes.
2) “I’m only joking”
Counterintuitively, this seemingly harmless phrase can pack a potent punch when used by a narcissist. “I’m only joking” is often a cover-up for offensive or hurtful remarks.
Imagine this scenario: he makes a cutting comment about your appearance, your friends, or your dreams. Seeing your hurt reaction, he quickly follows it up with “I’m only joking”.
The purpose?
To pass off his negative comment as humor and make you question your own reaction. If you protest, you’re deemed as lacking a sense of humor or being too sensitive.
It’s a clever way to belittle you while avoiding any responsibility for the hurt caused. It allows the narcissist to maintain an image of being ‘funny,’ while simultaneously tearing down your self-esteem.
3) “No one else would put up with you”
One phrase that has always struck a chord in my relationship studies is “No one else would put up with you”.
It’s a phrase that’s designed to make you feel unworthy and dependent on the narcissist for love and acceptance.
Here’s how it works: He’ll tell you that you’re too demanding, too emotional, or too something. And then he’ll add that no one else would tolerate you the way he does.
It’s a cruel way to make you feel grateful for his ‘patience’ and ‘understanding’.
What it really does is undermine your self-worth, making you believe that you’re lucky to have him, despite his mistreatment. It’s a subtle but powerful manipulation tactic that can keep you stuck in a toxic relationship.
In my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“, I delve into this and other manipulative tactics used by narcissists and provide strategies on how to break free from these toxic patterns.
4) “I never said that”
Gaslighting is a favorite tool in a narcissist’s manipulation toolbox, and the phrase “I never said that” is a classic example.
Imagine this: He makes a promise and then, later on, completely denies it. Or he says something hurtful and then refutes ever saying it.
This is a technique used to make you question your own memory and perception.
The intention is to create an atmosphere of confusion and self-doubt. It’s an extremely harmful tactic, as it can lead you to question your own sanity and reality.
As an expert in relationships, I’ve seen this play out time and again. It’s important to trust your own memories and experiences, even when someone tries to convince you otherwise.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and no one deserves to be treated that way.
5) “It’s your fault”
Another phrase that narcissistic men love to use is “It’s your fault”.
This is a classic example of blame-shifting, where the narcissist avoids taking responsibility for his actions by shifting the blame onto you.
Here’s how it works: If something goes wrong, even if it clearly has nothing to do with you, he’ll find a way to make it your fault. It’s his way of maintaining control and avoiding culpability.
During my years of counseling, I’ve seen this pattern repeat itself in many relationships. It can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and can make you start to believe that you’re always in the wrong.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes. But in a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions.
If you constantly find yourself being blamed for things that aren’t your fault, it’s a sign of manipulation. Trust your instincts. You know when you’re being treated unfairly.
6) “You can’t take a joke”
“You can’t take a joke” is another phrase that narcissistic men often use. It’s a clever way of dismissing your feelings and making light of their own hurtful behavior.
Picture this: He makes a derogatory comment about you, disguised as a joke. When you express your hurt, he brushes it off, saying you’re just too sensitive and can’t take a joke.
This tactic not only invalidates your feelings but also puts the blame on you for not being able to ‘take a joke’. It’s an effective way for him to avoid taking responsibility for his actions.
7) “You’re just like my ex”
Finally, one of the most hurtful phrases a narcissistic man can throw at you is “You’re just like my ex”.
It’s a phrase designed to cut deep, comparing you to a person he’s presumably had a negative experience with.
By drawing this comparison, he’s not only belittling you but also setting up a situation where you feel compelled to prove him wrong.
It’s a manipulative way of making you work harder in the relationship to suit his whims and fancies.
It’s raw and it’s ugly, but it happens. And it’s important to acknowledge that.
If you hear this phrase being used against you, remember: it says more about him than it does about you. You are not defined by someone else’s past relationships or negative experiences.
Final thoughts
Navigating the world of relationships can be tough, especially when you encounter these sorts of manipulative tactics.
But remember, knowledge is power. The more we understand these tactics, the better equipped we are to identify them and protect ourselves.
It’s important to remember that you are not alone in this journey. There are resources available to help you understand the complexities of these relationships and guide you towards healthier interactions.
In fact, I would like to recommend a video by Justin Brown who explores the complexities of finding a life partner.
He shares insights from his personal experiences and discusses the importance of shared values, growth, and mutual support in a relationship.
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