You know, there’s a huge difference between being genuinely good and just seeming nice.
Sometimes, people put on a polite façade, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re good at heart.
The difference is all about authenticity.
True goodness shines from within, while superficial niceness is simply an act to make one appear better than they really are.
Spotting the difference can be tricky.
But don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
There are actually subtle signs that can help you decipher if someone isn’t as good as they seem on the surface.
In this article, we’ll cover eight signs that indicate someone isn’t really a good person.
1) They’re always playing the victim
Isn’t it strange how some people always seem to find themselves in the middle of a crisis?
Some folks have a knack for playing the victim, constantly positioning themselves as the unfortunate one in every situation.
Now, we all face challenges and hardships—that’s just life.
But when someone consistently portrays themselves as a victim, even when evidence suggests otherwise, it’s a subtle sign they may not be as good-hearted as they seem.
This tendency to play the victim often serves a purpose—it diverts attention from their own shortcomings and manipulative behaviors.
It’s their way of avoiding responsibility for their actions.
Whenever you encounter someone who’s always at the mercy of their circumstances, take a step back and observe.
Are they genuinely unfortunate, or is this a pattern that hints at something deeper?
Remember, true goodness doesn’t seek sympathy or attention; it just is.
2) They’re quick to judge others
You know, I had a friend once who would constantly pass judgment on others.
Even the smallest of actions wouldn’t escape her critical gaze.
For instance, we’d be out for coffee, and she would make snarky remarks about the barista’s attire, or critique how our mutual friends were raising their kids.
It was as if she had set herself up as the standard everyone else should live by.
Eventually, I realized this behavior was a sign.
She was polite on the surface, sure, but her quickness to judge others revealed a lack of empathy and understanding.
It was a subtle but clear indication that she wasn’t as good of a person as she tried to portray herself to be.
Being critical of others is easy; understanding and empathizing takes character.
3) They constantly break promises
Promises are sacred bonds of trust, and breaking them casually is a clear sign of disrespect.
A person might seem polite on the surface, but if they’re always failing to keep their word, they’re showing you a glimpse of their true character.
It’s not enough to say the right things; what truly matters is following through with actions.
A good person understands the value of their word and does their best to honor it.
However, it’s worth noting that just because someone breaks a promise, it doesn’t always imply malice.
Breaking promises is also linked to people who are low in trait conscientiousness.
What I mean is, that some people just have a weaker sense of duty—they’re not necessarily bad.
4) Their kindness has strings attached
Ever met someone whose good deeds always come with a catch?
That’s another red flag right there.
True kindness is selfless, it doesn’t demand anything in return!
But when someone’s niceness always seems to have an ulterior motive, it’s a clear sign that they’re not as good as they project themselves to be.
Maybe they help you out, but then they’re quick to remind you of the favor later when they need something from you—or perhaps their generosity only shows up when they’re trying to impress others.
This kind of conditional kindness isn’t genuine; it’s a tool used to manipulate others.
A truly good person helps out of the goodness of their heart, not because they’re expecting something in return.
5) They don’t respect your boundaries
Respect is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship, and that includes respecting personal boundaries.
We all have our limits, our no-go zones, and it’s crucial that these are acknowledged and respected by those around us.
But when someone continually crosses these lines, even after you’ve communicated your boundaries to them, it’s a heart-wrenching sign they’re not as good as they may seem.
It could be as simple as them insisting on discussing topics you’re uncomfortable with or not respecting your need for personal space or alone time.
They may seem polite on the outside, but this disregard for your personal boundaries shows a lack of respect for you as an individual.
A good person understands and respects the fact that we all have personal boundaries.
They don’t see them as hurdles to overcome but as a vital part of who we are.
So if someone consistently pushes your boundaries, it’s time to question their true nature.
6) They never apologize
There is a point where saying sorry too much can become pathological.
But not saying sorry at all?
I once knew someone who had a knack for twisting situations so they were never at fault.
Regardless of the situation, they would always find a way to shift the blame onto others.
Apologizing seemed to be an alien concept for them, even when confronted with undeniable evidence, they’d evade, deflect, and do anything but admit they were wrong and say sorry.
It was a draining experience, trying to communicate with someone who was so unwilling to own up to their mistakes.
It served as a stark reminder that a good person isn’t someone who never makes mistakes, but someone who can admit when they’re wrong and apologize sincerely.
If you’re dealing with someone who refuses to apologize or admit their mistakes, it’s a clear indication that they are not as good as they might appear on the surface.
7) They spread negativity
The company we keep can greatly influence our outlook on life.
If you find someone constantly spreading negativity, whether it’s through their words or actions, it’s a warning sign about their character.
They might be polite and well-mannered, but if they’re always the one to point out the flaws, focus on the bad news, or pull others down with their pessimistic perspective, it’s revealing of their true nature.
A good person lifts others up.
They spread positivity and hope, not despair and criticism.
They understand that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but they choose to focus on the brighter side of things.
8) They lack empathy
At the heart of every good person lies a deep sense of empathy.
It’s the ability to feel for others, to understand their emotions and experiences.
But if someone lacks this fundamental trait, it’s a glaring sign they’re not as good as they appear.
They might be polite and charming, but when it comes down to truly understanding and caring for others, they fall short.
They struggle to see things from another person’s perspective or to feel genuine sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.
Empathy is the cornerstone of kindness, compassion, and goodness.
Without it, all the politeness in the world is nothing more than a façade, and having a lack of empathy has been linked to narcissism.
Without empathy, how can you ever expect to forge long-lasting relationships?
The mask of niceness
In a world where appearances often take center stage, it’s easy to mistake niceness for goodness.
But as we’ve seen, the two are worlds apart.
Niceness can be a well-crafted mask, hiding ulterior motives, manipulations, or even outright selfishness.
Genuine goodness, on the other hand, is deeply rooted in empathy, kindness, and respect for others.
It’s not about what people say or how polite they seem but about the integrity of their actions, their ability to apologize, and their respect for boundaries.
C.S. Lewis once said, “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”
This quote perfectly captures the essence of true goodness.
It’s about being kind, fair, and honest not because it benefits you, but because it’s simply the right thing to do!
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
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