9 subtle signs you need to brush up on your people skills, says psychology

Whether you’re an entrepreneur, an office worker, or a stay-at-home parent, the ability to interact effectively with others is a crucial life skill.

Our personal and professional lives revolve around social interactions. However, not everyone is naturally gifted when it comes to people skills.

You might think you’re doing just fine, but there could be subtle signs that you’re missing out on.

Psychology points out that there are telltale signs that your interpersonal skills might need a little boost. Let’s delve into these subtle indicators and find out what they are saying about your people skills.

1) Misinterpreting social cues

In the world of human interactions, social cues are your compass. They guide you, signaling how to respond and react in social situations.

But what happens if you’re misreading these signals? Or even worse, completely missing them?

Well, this could be a sign that your people skills could use some work.

Let’s take an example. You’re at a gathering and someone is sharing a story. You notice their voice is shaking slightly and they’re avoiding eye contact.

These are classic signs of discomfort or nervousness.

Brushing off these signals and pressing for more details can lead to increased distress for the other person. This serves as a clear example of misinterpreting social cues.

Understanding and correctly interpreting these cues is essential for building strong, healthy relationships.

2) Struggling with empathy

Empathy is a term we often encounter, yet what does it truly mean?

At its essence, empathy is the ability to understand and share the emotions of others. It goes beyond merely recognizing someone’s feelings; true empathy involves stepping into their shoes and experiencing their emotions alongside them.

Psychologist Brené Brown insightfully states, “Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’”

Experiencing difficulty in connecting emotionally with others or grasping their feelings can serve as a signal to enhance interpersonal skills.

The good news is that empathy is not a fixed trait; it’s a skill that can be nurtured and developed over time. The journey toward becoming more empathetic is not only transformative but also incredibly rewarding.

3) The challenge of over-empathizing

Now, you might think, “Wait, didn’t you just say empathy is crucial? So, the more empathy I have, the better my people skills should be, right?”

Well, not quite.

While empathy is indeed important, there’s such a thing as being overly empathetic. Yes, you heard it right. Too much of anything can be a problem, and empathy is no exception.

Over-empathizing occurs when you become so immersed in the emotions and challenges of others that your own mental and emotional well-being suffers. This excessive involvement can result in feelings of overwhelm and burnout.

For example, when a friend faces difficult times, lending an empathetic ear is essential. However, when their struggles disrupt your sleep or cause significant stress, it signifies a tendency to over-empathize.

Maintaining a balance of empathy is vital for nurturing healthy relationships and enhancing interpersonal skills.

Constantly feeling drained from absorbing the emotions of those around you serves as a clear indicator that a reassessment of boundaries and emotional engagement is necessary. Prioritizing your well-being allows for deeper connections and more fulfilling interactions.

4) Difficulty in maintaining relationships

Ever wonder why some people seem to effortlessly keep a wide circle of friends, while you struggle to maintain even a few close relationships?

This could be a subtle sign that you might need to brush up on your people skills.

Maintaining relationships extends far beyond simply spending time together; it requires mutual respect, understanding, and effective communication. Challenges in preserving these connections arise from a lack of these fundamental skills.

When a disagreement occurs with a friend, choosing to ignore the issue and letting the relationship gradually fade can indicate a need to enhance conflict resolution skills, which are crucial for healthy interactions.

It’s natural for any relationship to experience occasional disagreements or conflicts. The real test lies in how these situations are addressed, as this reveals the strength of one’s people skills.

For those who find maintaining relationships feels like an uphill struggle, reflecting on interpersonal skills can yield valuable insights for improvement.

5) Being often the last to know

Information flows freely in social circles, but if you find yourself often being the last one to know about things, it might be a sign that you need to work on your people skills.

Why does this happen? Here are a few possible reasons:

• You’re not engaging enough in conversations.
• You’re not seen as trustworthy.
• You’re not making a strong connection with others.

Being in the loop is more than just gossip or news. It’s being a part of the social fabric, connecting with others, and building trust.

6) A lack of appreciation for feedback

Let’s be honest: nobody likes hearing negative feedback. It can sting, especially when it touches on our personal behavior or attitudes.

However, “What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do,” as author and business leader Tim Ferriss aptly puts it. Feedback can be an invaluable tool for brushing up on our people skills.

I remember a time when I used to shy away from feedback, seeing it as criticism rather than an opportunity for growth. But as I delved deeper into self-improvement and psychology, I realized that feedback is a gift.

Being receptive to it reveals areas for improvement, uncovering aspects we might not be aware of and facilitating personal growth.

A defensive or dismissive reaction to feedback signals a need for growth in interpersonal skills. Instead of taking every piece of feedback to heart, embracing an open-minded approach allows for a constructive evaluation of potential areas for development.

It’s tough, I know. But embracing feedback is an essential step in improving our people skills.

7) Being often misunderstood

Picture this: you’re in a meeting, presenting your ideas with confidence. But as you look around, you see puzzled faces and raised eyebrows. Despite your best efforts, your message isn’t getting through.

Frustrating, isn’t it?

This is a common scenario for many of us and it might indicate that we need to brush up on our people skills.

Communication is more than just talking. It’s ensuring that your message is understood the way you intended. It’s choosing the right words, and the right tone, and effectively conveying your thoughts.

Do you find yourself in situations where others misinterpret what you’re saying? Or do you frequently have to clarify your statements because they were misunderstood?

These could be subtle signs that there’s room for improvement in your communication skills – a key aspect of people skills.

It’s worth reflecting on how we can improve our clarity in communication to avoid misunderstandings and ensure our message is accurately received.

8) Discomfort with silence

Many people instinctively rush to fill every pause in a conversation, perceiving silence as an awkward, uncomfortable gap that demands immediate attention. But in reality, silence can serve as a powerful tool in effective communication.

It creates space for reflection and allows participants to absorb information fully, leading to more thoughtful and meaningful responses. Embracing silence demonstrates comfort in the conversation, conveying respect for the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

Feeling anxious during those quiet moments in a conversation? This discomfort might signify more than just a fleeting sensation; it could reveal a gap in your interpersonal skills.

Understanding and appreciating the power of silence can transform your conversations, paving the way for deeper connections and richer exchanges.

9) Difficulty with teamwork

Let’s say you’re stuck on a project that requires teamwork. You have the skills and the knowledge, but when it comes to coordinating with others, things just seem to fall apart. You can’t seem to get on the same wavelength, and everything becomes a struggle.

Efficient teamwork reflects strong people skills. It involves understanding different perspectives, communicating ideas clearly, exercising patience, and sometimes compromising for the greater good.

Frequent difficulties in team scenarios may indicate a need for improvement in interpersonal skills.

Basketball coach Phil Jackson once said, “The strength of the team is each individual member. The strength of each member is the team.” This illustrates the importance of every person’s contribution and the necessity of effective collaboration.

Whether it’s at work, in sports, or even planning a family event, teamwork is everywhere. Improving your people skills can not only make these situations less stressful but also more enjoyable and productive.

What’s next?

So, you’ve identified some subtle signs that your people skills need some work. That’s the first step. But what now? How can you start improving those skills? Here are a few quick tips:

• Seek feedback: Actively ask for feedback from people you trust. They can provide insights into how you’re perceived and where you might need improvement.
• Practice active listening: Listen to understand, not just to respond. Show genuine interest in what others are saying.
• Work on empathy: Try to understand and share the feelings of others. Empathy is a key factor in effective people skills.
• Improve your communication: Be clear, concise, and considerate in your communication. Make sure your message is understood the way you intended.

Improving your people skills is a journey, not a destination. It’s about consistent effort, reflection, and willingness to learn and grow.

As you move forward on this journey, keep these signs and tips in mind. They will serve as guideposts, helping you become more effective in your interactions and build stronger relationships.

After all, isn’t that what we all strive for? To connect, to understand, and to be understood. That’s the power of effective people skills. And it’s within your reach.