8 subtle signs you’re dealing with a covert narcissist Christian, according to psychology

Psychology offers subtle signs to help recognize individuals who might be hiding their true selves behind their faith.

In this article, I’ll share eight subtle signs that you might be dealing with a covert narcissist Christian, according to psychology.

This insight could be just what you need to better manage that tricky relationship. Let’s dive in.

1) Lack of empathy

One of the most subtle, yet telling signs that you’re dealing with a covert narcissist, is a lack of empathy.

Narcissists are well-known for their self-centered nature, and this often manifests as a lack of concern for others.

They tend to be more focused on their own needs and desires, often at the expense of those around them.

Interestingly, this trait can be masked in Christian narcissists. They may hide their lack of empathy behind religious rhetoric, making it seem like they’re acting out of love or concern for others.

However, upon closer inspection, you’ll notice their actions are often more about serving their own needs than genuinely caring for others.

So if you notice an individual who seems to be more interested in their own well-being than in truly helping others, you might just be dealing with a covert narcissist Christian.

2) Superiority disguised as humility

This one really hit close to home for me. I remember interacting with a person who always seemed so humble on the surface, always quoting scriptures about humility and service.

But underneath all that, there was a sense of superiority.

They were a Christian, a very active one at that, but they would subtly imply they were more spiritual, more committed, more ‘Christian’ than others.

They would use their good deeds or their knowledge of the Bible to subtly elevate themselves above others.

For example, during group discussions, they’d often say things like, “When I was at the orphanage last weekend…” or “In my daily five chapters of Bible reading…” – always ensuring their ‘higher’ commitment was on display.

It took me a while to realize that this was a form of covert narcissism: using apparent humility and service as a way to place themselves above others.

It’s a subtle sign, but once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

3) Exploiting forgiveness

In the Christian faith, forgiveness is a cornerstone. It’s a beautiful concept that encourages love and understanding. But did you know narcissists can weaponize this very virtue?

Covert narcissist Christians can exploit this principle to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They may act in ways that are harmful or manipulative, but then quickly seek forgiveness when called out.

It’s a cycle: they misbehave, ask for forgiveness, and repeat. This pattern allows them to continue their destructive behaviors without facing any real consequences.

So, if you notice someone consistently misbehaving and then hiding behind the concept of forgiveness, it could be a telltale sign of covert narcissism.

4) Spiritual gaslighting

Psychologists say that gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where an individual makes someone question their own reality or sanity.

When combined with spirituality, this becomes an incredibly potent and dangerous tool in the hands of a covert narcissist.

A covert narcissist Christian might use their knowledge of the faith to question your beliefs, your actions, or even your relationship with God.

They may twist scriptures or religious teachings to make you feel guilty, confused, or inadequate.

This kind of spiritual gaslighting can be incredibly damaging and leave you feeling lost and unsure of your own faith.

5) Selective generosity

Generosity is a beautiful trait. It’s a sign of a big heart, a caring soul. But when dealing with a covert narcissist Christian, generosity can take on a more sinister, selective nature.

They might shower you with gifts, kindness, and attention one day, only to withdraw it all the next. Psychologists call this love bombing.

This intermittent reinforcement can create an emotional rollercoaster, leaving you confused and emotionally fatigued.

More importantly, their generosity is often strategic, aimed at creating a sense of obligation or indebtedness. It’s not about giving for the sake of giving but about gaining control and maintaining power.

So if you find yourself on an emotional seesaw due to someone’s unpredictable bouts of generosity, take heed. You might just be dealing with a covert narcissist.

6) Misuse of scripture

There was a time in my life when I found myself deeply confused and hurt due to the misuse of scripture.

A person close to me, someone who identified as a devout Christian, would often use the Bible to justify their actions, no matter how hurtful or manipulative they were.

They would quote verses out of context or interpret them in ways that suited their narrative. This misuse of scripture was not only manipulative but also emotionally damaging.

It twisted something I held dear and used it as a weapon against me.

If you come across someone who consistently uses religious texts to manipulate, control or belittle you, be careful.

7) Excessive need for admiration

According to psychologists, covert narcissists, like all narcissists, have an excessive need for admiration. However, they often disguise this need under the guise of their faith.

They may frequently share stories of their good deeds, seeking praise and recognition. They might constantly talk about their religious practices, making sure everyone knows how devout they are.

But beneath this religious veneer, there’s usually a constant need for validation and approval.

This excessive need for admiration not only inflates their ego but also provides them with the attention they crave.

8) Emotionally draining relationships

Relationships with covert narcissist Christians can be emotionally draining. They often leave you feeling confused, guilty, and exhausted.

They have a way of making even the most straightforward interactions complex and emotionally charged.

If you find that a relationship consistently leaves you feeling drained and emotionally depleted, it’s worth taking a closer look.

It’s also important to remember that it’s okay to seek help and set boundaries for your emotional well-being.

Final thoughts

Dealing with a covert narcissist Christian can be a challenging, emotionally draining experience.

But it’s essential to remember that their behavior isn’t your responsibility, and it’s not a reflection of you or your worth.

Psychology suggests that narcissism often stems from deep-seated insecurities, with the individual using manipulation and control as a form of self-protection.

This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it does offer some insight into why they act the way they do.

If you recognize these signs in someone you know, consider seeking professional help or advice. You have the right to protect yourself emotionally and psychologically.

And if you’re a person of faith, remember this: your relationship with God is personal. No one else has the right to manipulate or control it.

Reflect on these signs, and remember – always choose kindness, but never at the expense of your own well-being.