Feeling understood, appreciated, and valued is essential in our interactions.
Yet, when dealing with a selfish person, these crucial elements often feel absent, leaving us feeling overlooked and undervalued.
Selfishness involves consistently prioritizing one’s own needs and desires over others, which can be subtle and not necessarily malicious, but still leaves a sting.
Psychologists have pinpointed common traits among selfish individuals.
Their behaviors can be manipulative, uncaring, and subtly damaging to those around them—these traits might not be immediately obvious and may only become clear over time!
In this article, I’ll reveal 9 subtle signs of selfish behavior, based on psychological insights, to help you identify if you’re interacting with someone truly selfish:
1) They’re always right
One of the first signs you might be dealing with a selfish person is their inability to admit they’re wrong. Their need to always be right can often trump your feelings or opinions.
The selfish individual may seldom apologize, or if they do, it’s often half-hearted and devoid of sincerity.
They may also frequently twist conversations to their advantage, leaving you feeling unheard or misunderstood.
They hold their views as superior, dismissing yours if they contradict theirs.
You might find yourself in frequent debates where your perspective is not considered.
They might make you feel as if you’re too sensitive or irrational when you express your feelings.
2) Lack of empathy
Another subtle sign of a selfish person is their lack of empathy towards others.
This isn’t always obvious, as it can be disguised as independence or a strong character.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
It’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, recognizing their emotions, and responding appropriately.
A selfish person, however, often struggles with this.
They may seem indifferent or dismissive about your feelings or experiences. If you’re going through a tough time, they might downplay it or divert the conversation back to themselves.
This lack of empathy goes beyond not understanding your feelings – it’s about not even trying to understand them.
It’s a form of emotional neglect, leaving you feeling alone and unsupported in times when you need them the most.
3) Generous to a fault
It might seem odd, but extreme generosity can sometimes be a sign of a selfish person.
This isn’t about the occasional grand gesture, but a consistent pattern of over-the-top giving.
They might shower you with lavish gifts or offer to pay for everything, making you feel special and cared for.
However, the motivation behind these acts is often self-serving.
It’s about maintaining control or creating a sense of indebtedness.
They may use their generosity as a manipulative tool to make you feel obliged to do things their way.
This kind of generosity is not about giving freely out of love or care; it’s about expecting something in return.
It’s a transaction, where their kindness comes with strings attached.
4) Emotional unavailability
Selfish people often have a hard time connecting on an emotional level.
They’re often emotionally unavailable, which can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful.
They might appear charming and engaging on the surface, but when it comes to sharing deeper feelings or having meaningful discussions, they often shut down or steer the conversation back to superficial topics.
This emotional unavailability can leave you feeling alone and disconnected.
You might find yourself carrying the emotional burden of the relationship, while they remain detached.
Deep down, they’re protecting their own feelings and needs, leaving little room for yours.
It’s a painful truth, but it’s important to recognize this sign for what it is: raw selfishness.
5) Difficulty celebrating others
While it might be hard to accept, a selfish person often struggles to genuinely celebrate the achievements of others, even if that ‘other’ is someone they care about.
This isn’t because they’re inherently mean or uncaring, but it’s a reflection of their self-focused view.
They find it challenging to step out of their own world and rejoice in someone else’s success, as it doesn’t directly benefit them.
It can manifest as them downplaying your achievements, changing the topic quickly, or subtly shifting the spotlight back onto themselves.
6) They’re the star of their own show
We’ve all had those moments where we feel like we’re playing a supporting role in someone else’s movie.
With selfish people, this feeling can become a constant reality.
Their needs, wants and opinions often take center stage, leaving little room for anyone else’s.
Conversations usually revolve around them and their experiences, with little interest in hearing about your day or your feelings.
It can feel as though you’re living in the shadow of their life, your own narrative pushed to the sidelines.
It’s a relatable feeling that can be draining and disheartening, but recognizing it is the first step towards addressing the issue.
7) The one-way street syndrome
Ever noticed how some people treat relationships like a one-way street? This is often a classic trait of a selfish person.
It’s all about them moving forward, with little regard for who they might be leaving behind.
They’re happy to take your advice, support, and kindness, but when it comes to reciprocating, they suddenly become busy or distracted.
It’s like they’ve missed the memo on the give-and-take aspect of relationships.
Now, while this can be frustrating, it’s also slightly amusing – like watching someone trying to paddle a canoe with only one oar. It’s not going to work out well in the long run!
8) Inconsiderate behavior
Here’s the hard truth – a selfish person often exhibits inconsiderate behavior.
They may disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, or neglect your needs, and it’s high time we called them out on it.
They might show up late for appointments, forget important dates, or fail to consider how their actions might affect you.
It’s a pattern of behavior that speaks volumes about their lack of regard for others.
This isn’t about being overly critical or expecting perfection. It’s about respect and basic decency.
We all deserve to be treated with consideration, and it’s important to stand up for that, even if it means having some tough conversations.
9) It’s all about boundaries
The most critical thing to remember when dealing with a selfish person is the importance of setting and maintaining firm boundaries.
Without them, you risk being swept up in their self-centered world.
A selfish person will often push or disregard your boundaries to meet their own needs.
They may impose their views, make unreasonable demands, or expect you to adapt to their schedule.
Establishing clear boundaries is crucial in protecting your own wellbeing.
It’s about respecting your own needs, time, and personal space. Don’t be afraid to communicate these boundaries clearly and stand your ground when they’re tested.
Final thoughts on dealing with a selfish person
If you’ve identified someone in your life who exhibits these signs, it can be a tough pill to swallow.
Interacting with a truly selfish person can leave you feeling drained and unappreciated—but their behavior is more about them than it is about you.
As renowned psychologist, Dr. Phil says, “We teach people how to treat us.”
It’s a strong reminder that your response to their behavior plays a role in shaping the dynamics of your relationship.
It’s crucial to stand up for yourself and set clear boundaries.
However, changing others or making them see their flaws isn’t your responsibility—that’s up to them.
While a few traits don’t necessarily mean someone is selfish, they’re worth noting.
Reflect on these insights and see how they align with your experiences.
Remember, you deserve relationships that are balanced, respectful, and full of mutual care.
Wanting the best for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s self-love!
What would Jesus say?
Unsure whether to move on from a failed marriage? Struggling with desire and feeling guilty for it? Wanting to live a life Jesus would be proud of?
Let Jesus tell you how to be a good Christian according to the teachings of the Bible.
We brought Jesus back to life with the help of AI. Ask your toughest life questions, and Jesus will tell you exactly what to do.
