8 subtle signs you’re in a relationship with an untrustworthy person, according to psychologists

Ever get that gut feeling that something’s just off in your relationship, but you can’t quite put your finger on it?

Like, sure, everything seems fine on the surface—romantic dates, sweet texts—but there’s a nagging little voice in your head whispering, “Can you really trust them?”

Spoiler alert: that little voice might be onto something.

The thing about untrustworthy people is that they’re not going to walk around wearing a flashing neon sign that says “Shady!”

No, they’re way more subtle than that. They slip through the cracks, leaving behind small clues that something’s not quite right. But once you know what to look for, those clues aren’t so hard to spot.

Today we’re diving into the 8 subtle signs you’re dealing with someone who might not be as trustworthy as you’d like to think.

And believe me, once you see these red flags, you won’t be able to unsee them!

1) They’re secretive about small things

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. And it’s not just about the big things; it’s about the small things too.

People who are untrustworthy often start by being secretive about small, seemingly insignificant things.

It could be something as simple as not disclosing what they ate for lunch or who they bumped into at the grocery store. While these may seem inconsequential, they can be indicative of a larger pattern.

This doesn’t mean you should start panicking if your partner forgets to mention a minor detail about their day.

However, if you notice a consistent pattern of secrecy over trivial matters, it might be a subtle sign that they’re not as trustworthy as you’d like them to be.

Transparency fosters trust. A person who is comfortable sharing the small stuff is more likely to be open about the big stuff too. 

2) They break promises often

We all fall short sometimes and break a promise or two. It’s human. But if your partner is consistently breaking promises, it could signal a deeper issue.

Let me share a personal insight with you.

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that trust isn’t about perfection. It’s about consistency.

And if your partner can’t consistently keep their promises, no matter how small, it chips away at your trust in them.

Maintaining promises is critical to nurturing your relationship.

If your partner frequently breaks promises now, it could suggest they may not be reliable in the future, either. It’s a subtle sign but one worth paying attention to. 

3) They have an inconsistent track record

Trust, like a beautiful garden, takes time to grow and flourish. But an inconsistent track record can be like a weed, threatening to choke out the trust you’ve worked so hard to cultivate.

Let’s take my own experience as an example.

Over the years, I’ve seen how inconsistency can erode trust in a relationship.

If your partner’s words don’t match their actions or if they’re constantly changing their stance on important matters, it can make you question their reliability.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive deeper into how inconsistency can lead to codependency and what you can do about it.

It’s also important to remember that trust is not something that can be rushed; it’s a journey that requires patience and understanding.

4) They’re too good to be true

Now, this might sound counterintuitive. After all, aren’t we all looking for that perfect partner who ticks all our boxes? 

Well, let’s talk about it.

You see, untrustworthy people often present an image of themselves that’s flawless and irresistible. They’re:

• Always agreeable
• Never confrontational
• Sem to have an uncanny knack for saying exactly what you want to hear

But no one’s perfect. We all have flaws and make mistakes. A person who never shows these human traits could be hiding their true self.

And if they’re hiding who they truly are, can you really trust them?

So, as surprising as it may sound, a partner who seems too good to be true could potentially be a subtle sign of untrustworthiness.

Genuine trust is built on authenticity, not perfection.

5) They struggle with empathy

One of the key pillars of a strong relationship, in my experience, is empathy.

Being able to understand and share your partner’s feelings is crucial for building trust.

However, if your partner consistently struggles to show empathy towards you or others, it could be a subtle sign they may not be as trustworthy as you’d like them to be.

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed a correlation between empathy and trustworthiness.

Those who can step into another’s shoes and genuinely feel their pain or joy are often more reliable and trustworthy.

On the contrary, a person who struggles with empathy may find it challenging to consider your emotions when making decisions that affect you both.

6) They’re not accountable for their actions

Let’s be raw and honest here, nobody likes to admit when they’re wrong.

It’s uncomfortable and it can be a blow to our ego. But accountability is a huge part of trust.

If your partner consistently fails to take responsibility for their actions, especially when they’ve done something wrong, it’s a subtle sign they may not be trustworthy.

People who are trustworthy understand that everyone makes mistakes – they’re not afraid to own theirs. They :

• Apologize when necessary
• Learn from their blunders
• Strive to do better

However, an untrustworthy partner might consistently blame others for their mistakes or brush them off as if they’re of no consequence.

This lack of accountability can harm trust in a relationship.

7) They’re always playing the victim

In my experience as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that people who are untrustworthy often portray themselves as perpetual victims.

It’s always someone else’s fault, and they’re always on the receiving end of life’s hardships.

True trust is built on mutual responsibility and understanding that we all have a role in our successes and failures.

8) They have a history of dishonesty

This is a raw and honest truth many of us struggle to face.

If your partner has a history of dishonesty, it’s a glaring sign they may not be trustworthy.

It’s painful to admit, but past behavior is often the best predictor of future behavior. If dishonesty has been a consistent pattern in your partner’s past, there’s a chance it could continue in the future.

It doesn’t mean people can’t change. But change requires acknowledgment, effort, and time.

If your partner doesn’t recognize their past dishonesty as a problem or make an effort to change, you may need to be careful.

Conclusion

So, if you’ve noticed even a few of these subtle signs, it might be time to step back and take a good, hard look at your relationship.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy connection, and without it, well, things can get messy fast.

Although we all know theoretically, it’s worth remembering that relationships should bring you peace, not paranoia.

If you’re constantly wondering whether you can trust your partner, it might be time to reevaluate if they’re really worthy of your trust—or your time. 

If you’re looking for more insights on overcoming challenges in your relationship, I invite you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

Stay sharp, trust your instincts, and never settle for anything less than the truth. Life’s too short for second-guessing!