9 subtle things a narcissist will do when they need reassurance and validation

Navigating relationships with narcissists — it’s like walking a tightrope.

You often find yourself wondering what’s going on in their minds, what drives their behavior, and most importantly, how they seek reassurance and validation.

In my personal and professional experiences, I’ve noticed that narcissists have subtle ways of seeking validation, something not readily apparent to the untrained eye.

Understanding these subtle cues can be a game-changer, providing valuable insights into their psyche and behavior.

So, let’s plunge into the depths of this complex personality disorder.

In this article, I will share 9 subtle things a narcissist will do when they need reassurance and validation. This knowledge might just give you the upper hand in handling interactions with such individuals.

1) They frequently seek compliments

Navigating the world of narcissism is like trying to understand a complex puzzle.

One of the first pieces to this puzzle? Their constant need for compliments.

Narcissists have a unique relationship with validation. They don’t just enjoy compliments, they thrive on them. It’s their fuel.

But here’s the thing: they won’t always ask for praises directly. That would be too easy, right?

Instead, they might downplay their achievements or feign insecurity, hoping you’ll jump in to reassure them.

It’s a subtle manipulation tactic, designed to keep them at the center of attention and validation.

Decoding this pattern in a narcissist’s behavior is your first step towards understanding their intricate ways of seeking reassurance and validation. It’s a subtle sign, but once you start noticing it, you’ll see it happen more often than you’d expect.

2) They always turn the conversation back to themselves

Now, here’s an interesting psychology concept for you: conversation hoarding.

Ever noticed how some people have a knack for steering every conversation back to themselves? Well, in the world of psychology, this is known as conversation hoarding.

And guess what? Narcissists are usually masters at it.

It doesn’t matter what you’re talking about; somehow, they’ll find a way to make it about themselves.

Could be a story from your holiday, a problem you’re facing at work, or even just how your day went. They’ll latch onto any topic and turn it into an opportunity to talk about themselves.

Why do they do this?

Well, it’s another subtle method they use to seek reassurance and validation. By steering the conversation back to themselves, they ensure they remain the focus of attention.

And in their minds, attention equals validation. It’s fascinating, isn’t it?

3) They frequently play the victim

While it may seem counter-intuitive, considering their tendency to dominate conversations, narcissists often resort to playing the victim.

In fact, it’s closely linked to their habit of turning every conversation towards themselves. While at times they may boast about their achievements, at other times they might adopt a “woe is me” narrative.

You see, for a narcissist, playing the victim is another way to attract attention and validation. It’s a subtle tactic that often goes unnoticed because it clashes with the popular stereotype of narcissists as braggarts.

By painting themselves as victims, they’re essentially inviting others to sympathize with them, validate their feelings, or even admire their resilience.

4) They overreact to criticism

Ever met someone who blows up at the slightest hint of criticism?

Narcissists, in their quest for constant validation, are often hypersensitive to criticism. It’s as though their self-esteem is built on a house of cards, ready to collapse at the slightest breeze of critique.

In their world, criticism isn’t just a different perspective or a suggestion for improvement. It’s a threat to their self-image, an attack on their grandiose perception of themselves.

So, how do they handle it? Typically, not very well.

They might react defensively, launching into a tirade about their virtues or belittling the person who dared to criticize them.

This overreaction is more than just an inability to handle feedback. It’s a desperate plea for reassurance and validation, a way for them to re-establish their shaken self-esteem.

5) They exhibit grandiose behavior

In their pursuit of reassurance and validation, narcissists often resort to grandiose behavior. This can manifest in various ways:

• Exaggerated stories of their achievements
• Flamboyant displays of wealth or status
• Over-the-top gestures designed to impress

These behaviors all have one common goal: to attract attention and admiration. They’re less about the narcissist’s actual capabilities or achievements, and more about how they want to be perceived.

This grandiosity is another subtle sign of a narcissist’s need for reassurance and validation. It’s their way of saying, “Look at me, admire me, validate me.”

Understanding this can help you see through their facade and recognize the insecurity that often lies beneath their ostentatious displays.

6) They’re preoccupied with how others see them

Have you ever found yourself worrying about what others think of you? It’s a common human concern, but for narcissists, this preoccupation goes to another level.

I’ve observed that narcissists are often excessively concerned with their image. They spend a great deal of energy crafting and maintaining an idealized version of themselves. And believe me, it’s not an easy task.

They worry about how they’re perceived, what people say about them when they’re not around, whether they’re being admired or criticized. It’s like they’re constantly on stage, performing for an audience.

Let’s be clear, this isn’t just about vanity. It’s a sign of their deep-seated need for validation and reassurance. They crave the reassurance that comes from being admired and respected by others.

We may never fully understand the complexity of their psyche, but recognizing these patterns can offer us a window into their world and their relentless pursuit of validation.

7) They put others down to lift themselves up

Imagine you’re at a social gathering, and someone starts belittling another person’s achievements. How does that make you feel?

Narcissists often resort to putting others down as a way to elevate themselves. They might subtly undermine your accomplishments or point out your flaws, all in an attempt to make themselves look better in comparison.

Why do they do this?

Well, by making others seem lesser, they create an illusion of their own superiority. This gives them a sense of validation and reassures them of their self-perceived grandeur.

But what does it say about their self-esteem?

It’s a clear indicator that despite their outward confidence, narcissists often struggle with deep-seated insecurities. Their need for validation is so strong that they’re willing to bring others down just to elevate themselves.

8) They require constant reassurance

One of the most telling signs of a narcissist’s need for validation is their constant need for reassurance.

I remember an acquaintance who would constantly ask for reassurance about the smallest things. Whether it was about their outfit, their work, or their decisions, they seemed to need constant affirmation.

It was as if they were on a boat in a storm, constantly needing reassurances to keep from capsizing.

This constant need for reassurance isn’t just about seeking validation. It speaks volumes about their fragile self-esteem. Despite their outward confidence, they’re often plagued by self-doubt and insecurities.

Recognizing this behavior can help us empathize with their internal struggles, while also equipping us to handle their validation-seeking tactics more effectively.

9) They often exhibit entitlement

If there’s one thing to remember about narcissists and their need for validation, it’s this: they often exhibit a strong sense of entitlement.

This is the final, and perhaps one of the most important signs. Narcissists tend to believe that they’re inherently superior and thus, deserve special treatment.

Whether it’s demanding excessive admiration, expecting others to cater to their whims, or showing little regard for others’ feelings or needs, their sense of entitlement is hard to miss.

This isn’t just annoying behavior. It’s a reflection of their deep-seated need for validation and reassurance. They feel entitled to constant admiration and attention because, in their minds, they deserve it.

Unraveling this sense of entitlement can be the key to understanding their obsessive quest for validation. It’s a crucial piece of the puzzle, shedding light on the intricate workings of a narcissist’s psyche.

What can we do with this understanding?

Now that we’ve explored the subtle ways in which narcissists seek validation and reassurance, it’s important to reflect on how this understanding can influence our interactions with them. Here are a few things to consider:

• Recognize the signs: Awareness is the first step. Knowing these signs can help you understand a narcissist’s behavior better.
• Set boundaries: It’s crucial to protect your mental health. Narcissists can be emotionally draining, so set boundaries to safeguard your well-being.
• Be empathetic, but firm: Understand that their behavior stems from deep insecurities. However, don’t let empathy make you susceptible to manipulation.

Understanding narcissism is like decoding a complex puzzle, and while we’ve delved deep into their need for validation, remember that this is just one piece of the puzzle.

The journey towards understanding is ongoing, and every new insight brings us one step closer to unraveling the intricacies of the human psyche.

As we continue on this path, let’s remain compassionate, curious, and open to learning. After all, each one of us is battling our own complexities in the vast realm of human emotions and behaviors.