8 subtle traits of people who are almost universally disliked

It’s one of those things you can’t quite put your finger on:

You meet someone, and even though they haven’t done anything overtly offensive, something about them just rubs you the wrong way.

You’ve tried to shrug it off, chalk it up to you having a bad day, or maybe they’re just having an off day. But no matter how many times you interact with them, that prickly feeling remains.

It’s not always a big dramatic thing.

Often, it’s just a quiet suspicion that something is off, even if your instincts are screaming otherwise.

Here’s a hint at eight subtle traits that can make someone almost universally disliked, even if you can’t quite figure out why at first glance.

1) Lack of empathy

Being human means having a wide range of emotions, and understanding those emotions in others is a key part of our social fabric.

When you encounter someone who seems to lack this understanding, it can be disconcerting, to say the least.

This isn’t about them not agreeing with you on every point or not sharing your exact feelings.

It’s about them not being able to sense your discomfort when they’re speaking too loudly in a quiet café, or not noticing your embarrassment when they make an inappropriate joke at a dinner party.

It’s almost as if they’re missing that vital connection that makes us human and allows us to interact with others on a meaningful level.

And while it’s not always immediately apparent, once you start noticing this lack of empathy, it’s hard to ignore.

It’s a trait that people tend to pick up on, even if they can’t quite put their finger on what is making them feel uncomfortable.

2) Inability to listen

Listening is more than just hearing the words that are being said.

It’s about understanding, empathizing, and responding in a way that validates the other person’s feelings or concerns.

But then you encounter those individuals who seem to be completely unable to truly listen. They’re the ones who will interrupt you mid-sentence, or have their eyes glued to their phone while you’re talking.

I remember having a conversation with someone like this.

I was sharing a personal story about a difficult time in my life, and instead of listening and showing empathy, they were constantly checking their phone and even started talking about their own issues before I’d finished speaking.

It wasn’t a major incident, but it was enough to leave a bad taste in my mouth.

And I realized that this person’s inability to truly listen was a big reason why they tended to rub people the wrong way. It’s not always immediately obvious, but once you notice it, it’s hard to ignore.

3) Arrogance and superiority

When you come across people who constantly put themselves on a pedestal, who always seem to think they’re better than everyone else, it can be quite off-putting.

Arrogance is not always loud and obnoxious. Sometimes, it’s subtle – a dismissive comment here, a condescending look there.

You might not notice it immediately, but over time, it accumulates and becomes hard to ignore.

Once, I came across a colleague who was always quick to point out how his ideas were superior, how he had more experience than the rest of us.

It was subtle, but over time, it became clear that he saw himself as superior.

And you know what? It didn’t make him popular. In fact, he was disliked by almost everyone.

This is a classic example of why humility is so important in our interactions with others.

People who are arrogant or exhibit a sense of superiority are often not well-liked, even if their arrogance isn’t immediately obvious.

4) Negativity

Did you know that humans are naturally wired to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones?

It’s a phenomenon known as negativity bias, and it’s thought to be an evolutionary trait designed to keep us safe from harm.

Now imagine being around someone who is constantly negative, who always sees the glass as half empty. Over time, their negativity can start to drag you down too.

It’s not always blatant. Sometimes, it’s subtle – a cynical remark here, a pessimistic comment there.

They don’t always mean to be negative, but their consistent negativity can create an uncomfortable atmosphere that makes people want to steer clear.

5) Manipulative behavior

When someone is manipulative, they have a way of twisting situations and conversations to their advantage, often at the expense of others.

They might play the victim, guilt-trip you, or gaslight you by making you question your own perceptions and feelings.

I had a friend who had this trait. Whenever we had disagreements, they would always manage to twist the situation so that it looked like they were the wronged party.

It took me a while to realize what was happening, but when I did, it was a major blow.

Manipulative behavior is often subtle and can be hard to pick up on at first, especially if the manipulator is good at what they do. But once you notice it, it’s hard to ignore.

People who exhibit manipulative behavior are often almost universally disliked because they erode trust and create a toxic environment. 

6) Unreliability

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, be it personal or professional.

When someone consistently shows that they can’t be trusted to follow through on their promises or commitments, it can seriously damage that relationship.

We’ve all met someone like this. They’re often full of promises, but when it comes to delivering, they repeatedly fall short. The excuses are always ready – something came up, they forgot, they’re too busy.

I had a colleague who was known for this. They’d promise to finish a task by a certain date, but when the time came, the task was still incomplete.

They always had an excuse ready, but after a while, the excuses started sounding hollow.

People who are unreliable erode trust and create frustration and disappointment among those around them.

7) Inflexibility

Change is a natural part of life. We all have to adapt to new circumstances, learn from our mistakes, and grow as individuals. But there are some people who seem unable or unwilling to do so.

Inflexibility can manifest in many ways. It could be someone who is stuck in their ways, refusing to listen to new ideas or perspectives.

It could be someone who is unwilling to admit when they’re wrong, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

Inflexibility may not be an immediately obvious trait, but over time, it becomes more apparent.

People who are inflexible can create a stifling environment and hinder progress, which can be highly frustrating for those around them.

8) Lack of respect

At the core of all our interactions is a fundamental need for respect – to feel valued, heard, and appreciated. When someone consistently fails to show respect, it can make them almost universally disliked.

Lack of respect can manifest in a variety of ways. It could be someone who constantly talks over others, dismisses their ideas without consideration, or treats them as lesser in some way.

This is one trait that leaves a lasting impact. It’s not always immediately noticeable, but once you see it, it becomes impossible to ignore.

Lack of respect is perhaps one of the most critical traits that can make someone almost universally disliked.

It erodes the very foundation of healthy interaction and creates an environment where people feel undervalued and insignificant.

Final thoughts

It’s natural to want to be liked and accepted, but it’s equally important not to compromise your values or authenticity for the sake of fitting in.

If you’ve recognized any of these traits in yourself, don’t despair. Change is always possible, and self-awareness is the first step towards improvement.

Start by reflecting on your interactions with others. Do you find yourself exhibiting any of these traits? If so, consider why that might be and think about how you can change your behavior.

Everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. What matters is our willingness to acknowledge these shortcomings and strive to improve.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Being liked by everyone is not the ultimate goal. What’s more important is being true to yourself and treating others with respect and kindness.

So as you go forward from here, strive to be the best version of yourself – not the version that you think others want to see.

In doing so, you’ll not only become someone who is liked but also someone who is respected and admired.