8 things a narcissist does when they realize you see through them, according to psychology

If you’ve ever been involved with a narcissist, you may have experienced the delicate dance of manipulation and control.

When a narcissist realizes you can see through their façade, their behavior can shift in surprising and unnerving ways.

You might witness sudden bouts of rage, attempts at gaslighting, or even silent treatment. One moment they may appear charming, the next they might turn cold and distant.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a real mental health diagnosis, not a character flaw or a choice.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging, but understanding their reaction to your awareness can provide much-needed clarity.

In this article, we’ll explore eight things a narcissist does when they realize you see through them, as backed by psychology. Learning more about these behaviors could help navigate these complex dynamics.

1) They intensify their manipulation tactics

When a narcissist senses that you’re catching on to their game, their reaction is often to double down on their manipulative tactics.

You might find them attempting to gaslight you more frequently, making you question your own perceptions and memories. They may tell you things didn’t happen the way you remember, or that you’re being overly sensitive.

For example, if you confront them about their disrespectful behavior, they might respond with, “Just because I didn’t react the way you wanted me to doesn’t mean I was being disrespectful.” This is a classic example of shifting the blame and making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings.

They do this in hopes of regaining control over your emotions and behavior. If you start to feel crazy or doubt yourself, it’s easier for them to maintain their grip on the relationship.

By understanding this tactic, you can better protect yourself from this form of psychological manipulation. It’s important to trust your own experiences and stand firm in your boundaries.

2) They start playing the victim

Ironically, when a narcissist senses that you’re seeing through their manipulative tactics, they might resort to playing the victim. This might seem unexpected as narcissists often project an image of invincibility and superiority.

Yet, they use this tactic to elicit sympathy and regain control. They might share stories of their difficult past or paint themselves as the misunderstood party, subtly suggesting that your understanding of their actions is what’s truly at fault.

For instance, they may say something like, “You know how tough my life has been. Why can’t you just cut me some slack?” This is designed to make you second-guess your judgment and feel guilty for holding them accountable.

Remember, empathy is a virtue, but it’s also crucial not to let it cloud your judgment or allow it to be used as a weapon against you. It’s entirely possible to empathize with someone’s struggles without justifying their harmful behavior.

3) They increase love bombing

Love bombing refers to the practice of showering someone with excessive affection and attention in order to influence their behavior. Narcissists often use love bombing early in a relationship to win over their target. However, when they realize you’re seeing through them, they might ramp up this strategy again.

Suddenly, they may start showering you with compliments, gifts, and grand gestures of love. This sudden shift can be confusing and disorienting, but it’s actually a common tactic.

According to research, humans are more likely to respond positively to rewards than to punishments. That’s why love bombing can be so effective. It makes you associate the narcissist with positive feelings and experiences, which can make it harder for you to recognize their manipulative behaviors.

But it’s important to remember that real love isn’t about manipulation or control. It’s about respect, understanding, and genuine care for each other’s well-being.

4) They may try to isolate you from others

If a narcissist senses that you’re seeing through their manipulations, they might attempt to isolate you from your support network. They may start planting seeds of doubt about your friends and family, subtly suggesting that those people don’t truly care for you or understand you the way they do.

You might hear things like, “Your friends don’t really get us,” or “Your family is trying to drive us apart.” The goal here is to make you feel alone and dependent on them for emotional support.

It can be heart-wrenching to feel torn between your loved ones and the person you care about. But remember, anyone who truly loves and cares for you would never ask you to choose between them and your other relationships.

You deserve to have a multitude of compassionate connections in your life. It’s crucial to stay connected with your support network and share your experiences with them. They can provide perspective, comfort, and advice during tough times.

5) They accuse you of being the narcissist

In a twist that might feel like a bad plot twist in a movie, when a narcissist realizes you’re seeing through them, they might start accusing you of being the narcissist.

They might say you’re the one manipulating and controlling the situation. You might hear, “You’re always playing the victim,” or “You’re just trying to make me look bad.”

This tactic, known as projection, is where they accuse you of the behaviors that they themselves are guilty of. It can be disorienting and hurtful, especially when you’ve been trying so hard to understand and navigate their behaviors.

But remember, it’s not about you – this is just another tool in their manipulation toolkit. Stand firm in your own truth and don’t let their accusations shake your self-perception.

6) They become overly critical

When a narcissist realizes you’re seeing through their act, they might become excessively critical of you. It’s as if they suddenly find fault in everything you do, from the way you dress to the way you talk.

For instance, a friend of mine was dating someone who, at first, seemed charming and attentive. But when she started recognizing his manipulative behaviors and confronted him, he began nitpicking every little thing about her.

He criticized her cooking, her choice of movies, even the way she laughed. It was his way of trying to make her question her worth and depend on his approval.

Remember, this sudden shift in behavior is not about you or your shortcomings. It’s the narcissist’s attempt to regain control by undermining your confidence. Don’t let their words define your worth or shake your self-esteem. You are much more than their narrow views and hurtful words.

7) They threaten to leave

When a narcissist senses that you’re onto their games, they might resort to the most dramatic tactic of all – threatening to leave.

They might say things like, “Maybe I should just leave if you’re always going to be this suspicious,” or “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.” The idea here is to rattle you, to make you fear losing them and, in turn, back down from your newfound clarity.

But here’s the thing – if someone threatens to leave every time you stand up for yourself or express your feelings, maybe their departure wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It’s harsh, but true. You deserve a partner who respects your feelings and listens to your concerns, not someone who uses threats as a means of control.

Don’t let the fear of being alone keep you in a relationship where you’re constantly manipulated and disrespected. You deserve better – never forget that.

8) They might actually show remorse

In a surprising turn of events, a narcissist may actually show signs of remorse when they realize you’re seeing through them. They may apologize, promise to change, or even acknowledge some of their problematic behavior.

While this may seem like a breakthrough moment, it’s essential to tread cautiously. Narcissists are known for their ability to adapt and manipulate, and this could be another strategy to reel you back in.

The most important thing to remember is that genuine change takes time and consistent effort. An apology without change is just manipulation. If the pattern of narcissistic behavior continues, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being and consider seeking professional help to navigate the situation.

Remember, you deserve a relationship built on respect, honesty, and mutual care – don’t settle for anything less.

Final thoughts

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist is challenging, and it requires a great deal of strength, patience, and self-awareness.

This article aims to help you recognize the tactics a narcissist might employ when they realize you see through them. But remember, the ultimate decision on how to handle such situations rests with you.

Your time and energy are precious. They’re better spent on relationships that bring you joy, respect, and genuine love.

Being truly wise means understanding your worth and not letting anyone manipulate or control your feelings and actions. It’s about prioritizing your mental health and well-being above all else.

Here’s to forging healthier relationships and living a more fulfilling life!