8 things a narcissist will do to minimize you and make you feel small

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, often making those around them feel insignificant without being overtly cruel.

Their tactics are subtle, designed to chip away at your confidence slowly.

It can happen so gradually that you don’t even notice the shift in how you view yourself until it’s too late.

Whether through constant criticism or emotional games, these behaviors are intentional ways to control and undermine you.

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at 8 behaviors that narcissists commonly use to make you feel smaller than you are.

1) Subtle belittlement and undermining

There’s a distinct pattern of subtle belittlement and undermining that begins to unfold.

It’s not always in your face, they might not be hurling insults or blatantly disrespecting you.

Instead, they’ll start to subtly chip away at your confidence, perhaps by questioning your decisions, mocking your interests, or making snide remarks about your achievements.

It’s these small, underhanded comments that work overtime to make you feel small and insignificant.

You may not even realize it’s happening until you look back and notice how much your self-esteem has been eroded. This is their game – to minimize you, and sadly, they play it well.

2) Gaslighting to create self-doubt

A narcissist’s primary weapon of choice is often gaslighting.

This is a psychological tactic where they manipulate you into questioning your own sanity, leading you to doubt your perception of reality.

I remember an instance in my own life – I was sure they had promised to help me with a project that was important to me. But when the time came, they denied ever making such a promise.

They even went as far as suggesting that maybe I was “hearing things” or “getting forgetful”. It was such a small thing, but it planted seeds of doubt in my mind.

These tiny instances of gaslighting can pile up over time, and before you know it, you’re constantly second-guessing yourself and feeling smaller as a result.

3) Using your weaknesses against you

When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, they often use what they know about your weaknesses to undermine and belittle you.

A narcissist will remember every detail you’ve ever shared about your insecurities and fears. Not because they care or want to understand you better, but because it provides them with ammunition.

When they want to make a point, or worse, make you feel small, they’ll not hesitate to bring up these insecurities in the most damaging way possible.

It’s a cruel tactic that leaves you feeling exposed and vulnerable, with your self-esteem taking the biggest hit.

It’s in these moments that Nietzsche’s quote takes on a twisted meaning – it doesn’t kill us, but it certainly doesn’t make us stronger either.

4) The silent treatment as a form of punishment

Did you know that the silent treatment isn’t just a sign of immaturity, but it can also be a form of emotional abuse?

Narcissists often employ this tactic when they’re displeased with you – it’s their way of punishing you without even saying a word.

The silent treatment can leave you feeling dismissed and insignificant. It’s a way for a narcissist to assert their control and minimize your importance in their life.

You’re left in this limbo state, unsure of what you did wrong and desperate for communication that just isn’t coming. The power imbalance is palpable, and it only serves to make you feel smaller.

5) Constant criticism to wear you down

The narcissist’s toolkit wouldn’t be complete without constant criticism.

They’ll nitpick at everything you do, from the way you dress to how you speak. Nothing is off-limits when they’re on their mission to make you feel small.

This relentless critique isn’t about helping you grow or improve, it’s about making you feel like you’re never good enough.

Over time, this constant barrage of negativity can wear down even the most resilient among us. It chips away at your self-esteem, and slowly but surely, you start feeling smaller and smaller.

6) Making everything about them

Narcissists have a knack for turning every conversation, every situation, towards themselves.

Whether it’s a discussion about your workday or a shared experience, somehow it always ends up being about them.

This constant shift of focus can make you feel like your thoughts, feelings, and experiences are insignificant.

Your voice gets drowned out in the sea of their self-importance, making you feel small and unimportant.

The sad part is they often don’t even realize they’re doing it. 

7) Lack of empathy to keep you off-balance

One of the most hurtful things a narcissist does to minimize you is their lack of empathy.

They just don’t seem to have the ability to understand and share your feelings. When you’re upset, they don’t comfort you. When you’re excited, they don’t share your joy.

This lack of emotional connection leaves you feeling lonely and small – like your emotions don’t matter to them.

You find yourself constantly off-balance, never quite sure how they’re going to react, or if they’ll react at all.

This emotional disconnect is a powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal, making you feel insignificant and small in their world.

8) Invalidating your feelings to maintain control

Perhaps the most damaging tactic employed by a narcissist is invalidation of your feelings.

They’ll dismiss your emotions as being overly sensitive or irrational, making you feel like your reactions are out of line, even when they’re completely justified.

Over time, this invalidation makes you question your own feelings and experiences. You start believing that maybe you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.

This is a powerful way for a narcissist to maintain control and make you feel small.

Because when your feelings are constantly invalidated, it’s easy to start feeling like you’re less important, less valuable, and ultimately, less than.

Final reflections

Understanding the tactics narcissists use to undermine and belittle others is key to maintaining your self-worth.

Their subtle manipulations can slowly erode your confidence, leaving you feeling insignificant.

However, once you’re aware of these behaviors, you can start setting clear boundaries and protecting yourself from further harm.

By spotting these signs early, you can prevent a narcissist from continuing to diminish your value.

Everyone deserves respect and self-assurance, and identifying these behaviors is a crucial step in ensuring that you don’t allow anyone to make you feel small.

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Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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