7 things a narcissist will do when they realize their grip on you is slipping

Ever notice how a narcissist reacts when they feel like they’re losing control over you?

It’s not pretty. In fact, it’s often the moment when their true colors shine the brightest.

Narcissists thrive on control, attention, and a sense of superiority — so when they sense that grip loosening, they’ll do whatever it takes to get it back. And unfortunately, their tactics aren’t always obvious at first.

You might think walking away would be the end of it, but that’s rarely the case. Instead, they’ll switch gears, pulling out a new playbook of behaviors designed to keep you hooked, confused, or second-guessing yourself.

These tactics can leave you feeling like you’re stuck in an emotional tug-of-war.

If you’ve ever felt like a narcissist suddenly became “nicer” or oddly desperate after you started pulling away, it’s not your imagination.

Here are 7 things a narcissist will do when they realize their grip on you is slipping — and why recognizing these moves is the first step to breaking free for good.

1) They ramp up their charm offensive

Ah, the charm offensive, a classic move in the narcissist’s playbook. When they sense their grip on you is slipping, they’ll often resort to this tactic.

This could involve showering you with compliments, gifts, or attention. They might even start behaving like the perfect partner – caring, understanding, and attentive.

But remember, this isn’t about genuine love or affection. This is a calculated move to regain control and keep you hooked.

The charm offensive is a manipulative strategy designed to make you second-guess your judgments and feel guilty for doubting them.

Sadly, this can lead to a confusing emotional turmoil where you feel flattered yet suspicious, loved yet controlled.

Understanding this behavior is crucial to resisting their manipulative tactics and maintaining your sense of self-worth and independence. 

2) They appear to let go

This might seem surprising, but sometimes a narcissist will seemingly back off when they feel their control waning.

They might start giving you more space, stop trying to control your every move or even agree to some of your demands.

But don’t be fooled thinking that they’ve suddenly seen the light and are changing their ways. This is likely another manipulation tactic – a reverse psychology of sorts.

By seemingly letting go, they create a false sense of security and autonomy, making you believe that the relationship dynamics are improving. In reality, they are simply laying low, waiting for you to lower your guard.

So while you enjoy your newfound ‘freedom’, they’re usually plotting their next move. Their apparent indifference can make you want to regain their attention or approval, thereby falling back into their trap.

Navigating such behavior requires vigilance and a deep understanding of their manipulative tactics. It’s important not to let your guard down and get drawn back into their game.

3) They trigger your guilt

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and narcissists know how to use it to their advantage. When they sense they’re losing their hold on you, they might start playing the victim card.

They may: 

• Recount past incidents where you’ve supposedly wronged them
• Magnify their own suffering
• Twist facts to make you feel responsible for their misery

This is all done to make you feel guilty about distancing yourself.

Interestingly, our brains are wired to respond to guilt. It’s an emotion that helps us maintain social harmony by encouraging reparative behavior. But in this context, it’s exploited to manipulate and control.

Resisting this guilt-trap involves recognizing the manipulation at play and standing your ground.

Remember, it’s not your responsibility to cater to their unreasonable demands or fix their emotional state. You have every right to prioritize your own well-being.

4) They show unexpected vulnerability

In a surprising twist, a narcissist might let their guard down and show a side of them that’s vulnerable.

They might share stories from their past, express feelings of inadequacy or confide their deepest fears.

This can be incredibly disarming. After all, it’s human nature to comfort someone when they’re feeling low. You might find yourself wanting to reach out, to help them heal and overcome their struggles.

But it’s essential to remember that this could well be another ploy to regain control. It’s not about dismissing their feelings but rather understanding that these expressions of vulnerability might not be as genuine as they seem.

You can listen, you can empathize, but it’s important not to let this sway your resolve or blur the boundaries you’ve set. Being compassionate doesn’t mean sacrificing your own peace and well-being.

5) They mirror your behavior

Ever noticed how a narcissist suddenly starts taking interest in the things you like, or starts echoing your sentiments? This isn’t a coincidence.

Mirroring is a common tactic used by narcissists when they feel their control slipping away.

They might start using your phrases, adopting your hobbies or even dressing like you. It can be quite baffling and even flattering at times.

This is done to re-establish the connection and make you feel like they’re in sync with you. After all, we naturally gravitate towards people who are similar to us, and they use this to their advantage.

Yes, imitation might be the sincerest form of flattery, but in this case, it’s just a manipulative tactic. It’s crucial to recognize it for what it is and maintain your individuality and independence.

6) They resort to petty revenge

When a narcissist feels their grip slipping, they often shift into “get even” mode.

Suddenly, you might notice small but deliberate actions designed to provoke, frustrate, or hurt you.

It’s not random — it’s strategic. Narcissists view revenge as a way to reassert their control and remind you who’s “in charge.”

This can show up in subtle but spiteful ways. Maybe they start excluding you from important conversations, “forget” to pass along critical information, or undermine your efforts in front of others.

Sometimes, it’s as petty as snide remarks or backhanded compliments meant to chip away at your confidence.

For them, it’s less about the act itself and more about reestablishing the power dynamic.

If you start noticing these petty jabs after setting boundaries or pulling away, it’s a clear sign that the narcissist is feeling threatened — and doing everything they can to regain control.

7) They threaten to leave

The ultimate power play by a narcissist when they feel their control slipping is to threaten to leave. It’s intended to instill fear and uncertainty, making you scramble to do whatever it takes to keep them.

Here’s the hard truth – it’s just another manipulation tactic. They’re banking on the fact that the thought of them leaving will cause panic and you’ll cave into their demands.

Don’t let this scare tactic push you into a corner. If they choose to walk away, let them.

It might be difficult initially, but it’s a step towards breaking free from their manipulative grip.

You deserve respect, love, and a healthy relationship, which are things a narcissist cannot provide. Stand your ground and choose yourself.

Wrapping up

Dealing with a narcissist is no easy feat — especially when they realize they’re losing control over you. That’s when their tactics become more calculated, more manipulative, and, in some cases, more aggressive.

But here’s the thing: recognizing these behaviors is your first line of defense.

Once you understand the playbook, it’s much harder for them to manipulate you. You can spot the love-bombing, the guilt trips, and the petty revenge for what they are — desperate attempts to claw back control.

And the more aware you are, the less power they have over you.

Remember, you don’t owe a narcissist your peace of mind. Their grip only works if you stay in the game.

By stepping back, staying firm in your boundaries, and refusing to engage in their power plays, you’re already winning.

Let them scheme, guilt, or lash out — it’s a reflection of their insecurity, not your worth.

True power comes from knowing you can walk away, and that’s a kind of control they’ll never have over you again.