8 things fake alpha males get wrong about true manliness, says a psychologist

If you’ve ever encountered someone who exudes an exaggerated sense of masculinity, you’ve probably met what’s known as a “fake alpha male”. These individuals often miss the mark when it comes to understanding what true manliness entails.

A fake alpha male’s behavior can range from overly dominant to borderline arrogant, leaving you feeling bewildered or even irritated. They might display a hefty amount of bravado, only to fall short when it comes to showing empathy or vulnerability.

As a psychologist, I’ve observed countless instances of this and have identified eight common misconceptions that these “alpha males” tend to have about authentic manliness.

Remember, true manliness isn’t about puffing up your chest and drowning others with your ego. It’s much more nuanced and complex. Let’s dive into these misconceptions to help illuminate a healthier perspective on masculinity.

1) Misunderstanding strength

A common misconception that fake alpha males often harbor is the belief that strength is all about physical prowess and domineering behavior. They may equate being loud, aggressive, or unyielding with being a “real man”.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, true strength often resides in emotional intelligence, resilience, and the ability to show empathy and kindness in the face of adversity.

A genuine alpha male knows that being strong doesn’t mean you have to shout to be heard or impose your will on others.

Instead, true strength is about having the courage to be vulnerable, to admit when you’re wrong and to put others before yourself when necessary.

It’s about standing up for what you believe in, even if it’s against the crowd. This nuanced understanding of strength is often lost on fake alpha males who cling to outdated and harmful notions of masculinity.

By buying into these false ideas, they not only perpetuate harmful stereotypes but also hinder their own personal growth. Understanding and embodying true strength is part of what makes a man genuinely masculine, not the superficial bravado often displayed by fake alphas.

2) The fear of showing emotions

One of the most glaring errors fake alpha males commit is dismissing the importance of emotions. They often believe that displaying emotions is a sign of weakness and contrary to the image of a strong, unflappable man. This couldn’t be more incorrect.

In reality, the ability to express and manage emotions effectively is a vital part of being human, and indeed, truly masculine. Real strength lies in acknowledging your feelings, not suppressing them. It takes courage to open up and show vulnerability, to share joy, sadness, fear or love.

By shunning emotions, fake alpha males not only alienate themselves from others but also deny themselves the richness and depth of human experience. Embracing one’s emotional landscape is an integral part of manliness that these individuals often overlook.

3) Overvaluing competition

Another misstep by fake alpha males is an overemphasis on competition. They often see life as a zero-sum game where they must constantly be the winner, believing that this proves their superiority and masculinity.

But human beings are naturally inclined towards cooperation rather than competition. Many of our greatest achievements as a species have come from working together, not trying to outdo each other. This cooperative instinct is rooted in our evolution as social creatures who survived and thrived in groups.

True manliness understands the value of cooperation and community. It’s about uplifting others and recognizing that everyone’s success contributes to the collective good. A man’s worth isn’t determined by how many people he can best, but by how many people he can help and support.

4) Neglecting self-care

In their pursuit of perceived toughness, fake alpha males often overlook the importance of self-care. They may consider activities such as taking time for relaxation, seeking help when needed, or expressing emotions as signs of weakness.

Yet, just like anyone else, men thrive when they take care of their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It’s not just about hitting the gym or putting in the overtime. It’s about allowing yourself the space to breathe, to rest, and to reflect.

Allowing room for self-care is not a detraction from manliness.

On the contrary, it’s a testament to one’s understanding that being truly strong means prioritizing yourself alongside your responsibilities. It means recognizing that it’s okay to need help and seek support when things get tough.

By neglecting self-care, fake alpha males miss out on an essential aspect of life that contributes significantly to a man’s overall health and quality of life.

5) Ignoring the value of communication

Another common mistake that fake alpha males make is downplaying the importance of effective communication. They may believe that being silent or cryptic somehow adds to their mystique or masculinity.

In reality, we all know how frustrating it can be when someone refuses to communicate clearly or openly. Whether it’s in a personal relationship or at work, good communication is key to understanding and being understood.

A truly masculine man understands that expressing his thoughts and feelings clearly is not a sign of weakness but a tool for building stronger connections with others. They know that a well-placed word can be just as powerful as any action.

6) Overlooking the importance of respect

One thing that fake alpha males often get wrong is the concept of respect. They might believe that respect is something to be demanded or enforced, not earned.

I remember once observing an individual who seemed to epitomize the ‘fake alpha male’ stereotype. He was loud, assertive, and always trying to assert his dominance. Yet, despite his efforts, he didn’t command respect. Instead, people often felt intimidated or annoyed by his behavior.

Real respect is earned through actions and character, not demanded through force or intimidation. A truly masculine man understands this. He knows that respect comes from treating others with kindness, fairness, and understanding, regardless of their status or relationship with him.

By failing to understand the true nature of respect, fake alpha males miss out on genuine connection and mutual regard. Recognizing and practicing respect is a fundamental aspect of true manliness.

7) Equating manliness with stoicism

Another major faux pas of fake alpha males is the belief that to be a man, you must be stoic at all times. They see emotions as a sign of weakness and believe that a ‘real man’ never lets his guard down.

This is a damaging and outdated perspective. Life is a rollercoaster ride filled with ups and downs. Pretending to be unaffected by its twists and turns isn’t being strong, it’s being unrealistic.

Life will throw curveballs, and it’s okay to admit when you’re hurt or overwhelmed. True manliness isn’t about hiding your feelings but about acknowledging them and dealing with them in a healthy way.

It’s time to drop the act and understand that feeling emotions doesn’t make you less of a man, it makes you human.

8) Confusing arrogance with confidence

The most critical mistake that fake alpha males make is conflating arrogance with confidence. They often strut around, boasting and belittling others, thinking it’s a sign of their assertiveness and dominance.

However, this couldn’t be more wrong. Confidence is about knowing your worth and abilities without needing to diminish others to feel good about yourself. It’s about being secure in your own skin and having the humility to acknowledge your shortcomings.

Arrogance, on the other hand, often masks deep-seated insecurities and a fragile ego. It’s a facade that pushes people away rather than drawing them in.

A genuinely masculine man exudes confidence, not arrogance. He doesn’t need to put others down to lift himself up. He knows his value and respects the value of others.

If there’s one thing to remember, it’s this: true manliness is about confidence, respect, emotional intelligence, and kindness. It’s not about posturing or proving dominance.

Final thoughts

True manliness is about understanding and embracing a wide range of qualities—it’s about being strong yet gentle, confident but not arrogant, and knowing when to lead and when to follow.

This article has touched on some misconceptions that fake alpha males often hold about what it means to be a real man. But remember, the journey towards true manliness is deeply personal and unique to every individual.

Time spent on self-reflection and personal growth is never wasted. It’s these introspective moments that help shape us into better versions of ourselves.

Being truly masculine means being wise enough not to let societal stereotypes define your sense of self. It’s about defining your own version of manliness.

So here’s to embracing your own path, to understanding what true manliness means to you, and to living a life that feels genuinely fulfilling and authentic.