8 things you should say to a loved one who is grieving, according to psychology

When someone you care about is grieving, it can be incredibly hard to find the right words.

You want to offer comfort and support, but the fear of saying something that might hurt or come off as insincere often leaves us at a loss.

It’s a common struggle—knowing how to show empathy and provide solace without making things worse.

Fortunately, psychology offers some guidance on what you can say to genuinely support a loved one through their grief.

Here are eight thoughtful and compassionate things you should say to help them feel understood and supported during this difficult time.

1) “I’m here for you.”

One of the most powerful things you can say to someone who’s grieving is simply, “I’m here for you”.

It may seem simple and straightforward, but this phrase can mean a lot.

It communicates your presence and willingness to support them during this difficult time.

Grief can be an isolating experience.

Your loved one might feel alone in their pain, even when they’re surrounded by people.

Saying “I’m here for you” reassures them that they aren’t alone, that they have someone who’s ready to listen, offer comfort, or just sit with them in silence.

However, it’s important that this isn’t just a hollow statement.

If you say you’re there for them, make sure you really are.

Be ready to listen without judgment, offer help where you can, and just be a comforting presence.

This simple phrase can mean the world to someone who is grieving.

It doesn’t offer solutions or try to minimize their pain—it simply acknowledges it and offers support. 

2) “It’s okay not to be okay.”

In a world that often expects us to be strong and composed, admitting that we’re not okay can seem like a failure.

But it’s crucial to remind your grieving loved one that it’s perfectly okay to not be okay.

Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s normal to feel a range of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, or even numbness.

These feelings don’t make them weak or abnormal, they just make them human.

By telling them “it’s okay not to be okay,” you’re giving them permission to express their feelings openly and honestly, without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.

This can provide a sense of relief and acceptance that might be much needed in the midst of their grief.

Healing is about allowing yourself to feel, understanding those feelings, and gradually finding ways to live with the loss.

Your words can help your loved one navigate this process in their own time and in their own way.

3) “Your feelings are valid.”

When someone is grieving, they may experience a whirlwind of emotions, which can sometimes feel overwhelming or even conflicting.

One moment they might be consumed by sadness, the next they might feel an unexpected surge of anger or guilt.

In these moments, it’s helpful to remind them that whatever they’re feeling is valid.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and no set timeline for the process.

Each person’s experience with grief is unique and deeply personal.

It’s common for those grieving to question their feelings or even feel guilty about them.

They might think they should be coping better or moving on faster.

Reassuring them that their feelings are valid and normal can give them the comfort to express their emotions without self-judgment.

This validation can pave the way for healthier emotional processing and eventual healing.

It can help them understand that it’s okay to grieve in their own individual way, without conforming to societal expectations or comparisons with others.

4) “Take all the time you need.”

In the midst of grief, time can feel like an enemy.

Days might stretch on endlessly, while nights may be filled with restlessness and sorrow.

In these moments, it’s important to remind your loved one to take all the time they need.

Grief doesn’t follow a set schedule.

It ebbs and flows, sometimes unpredictably.

Your loved one may have days where they feel like they’re making progress, and others where the pain feels as fresh as it did in the beginning.

By telling them to “take all the time you need”, you’re acknowledging that grief is a journey, not a race.

There’s no rush to ‘get over it’.

Instead, it’s a process of learning to live with the loss in their own pace.

This statement also communicates your understanding and patience.

It reassures them that there’s no pressure from you for them to heal faster, which can be a great source of comfort in their journey through grief.

5) “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.”

Sometimes, the most relatable thing is admitting that you don’t have all the answers.

Grief can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to feel at a loss for words.

Saying, “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you” can be incredibly comforting.

This statement acknowledges the complexity of their grief while reaffirming your support.

It doesn’t try to offer empty platitudes or solutions.

Instead, it expresses your genuine care and concern in a situation where words often fall short.

Many of us have been in situations where we’ve felt helpless or unsure of what to say.

By admitting this, you’re showing your loved one that their grief is recognized and valid, and that despite not knowing the perfect thing to say, you’re there for them.

6) “Remember when we…?”

Sharing a fond memory can be a beautiful way to connect with a loved one who is grieving.

For instance, you might say something like, “Remember when we went on that road trip to the coast, and we laughed so hard we cried?”

This isn’t about diverting their attention away from their grief, but rather about reminding them of the love and joy that also exist in their life.

It’s a gentle way to bring a smile to their face or simply remind them of happier times.

As shared experiences bring people closer together, this phrase can create a space where they feel comfortable to share their own memories or feelings about the person they have lost.

It can be a moment of connection that helps them feel less alone in their grief.

However, it’s crucial to be sensitive to their emotions and only share such memories when it feels appropriate.

7) “Don’t neglect yourself.”

In the midst of grief, it’s easy to forget about self-care.

You might notice your loved one skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or neglecting their personal hygiene.

While it’s understandable, it’s also important to remind them not to overlook their well-being.

Tell your loved one, “Don’t neglect yourself”.

It’s a gentle reminder that even in the depth of grief, they are still important. Their health, both physical and mental, still matters.

Of course, it’s not about pushing them to ‘snap out of it’ or quickly get back to normal.

Instead, it’s about encouraging them to take small steps towards caring for themselves.

This could be:

• Eating a nutritious meal
• Going for a short walk outside
• Taking a moment to breathe

This might be a tough conversation to have, but it can be crucial in helping them navigate through their grief in a healthier way.

8) “You don’t have to go through this alone”

Lastly, but most importantly, remind your loved one they don’t have to go through their grief alone.

This journey might be theirs to walk, but they don’t have to do it in isolation.

Grief can often feel like a lonely and isolating experience, and it’s easy for your loved one to feel like they’re burdening others by sharing their pain.

However, remind them that it’s okay to lean on others for support.

Whether it’s talking about their feelings, asking for help with daily tasks, or seeking professional support such as a therapist or grief counselor, let them know it’s perfectly okay to reach out.

Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace, but no one should have to do it alone.

This reassurance can be a source of strength for your loved one in their time of grief.

Conclusion

Being there for a loved one in their time of grief can be challenging and sometimes overwhelming

However, by leaning into empathy and choosing your words thoughtfully, you can offer meaningful support and comfort to a loved one in their time of need.

The phrases highlighted here are grounded in psychological insights and are designed to help you connect with them in a genuine and compassionate way.

But remember, your presence and willingness to listen can be just as powerful as the words you choose.

By simply showing up with kindness and understanding, you play a crucial role in their healing journey.