9 traits of men who struggle to open up emotionally (even when they want to)

Opening up emotionally—it’s a phrase you often hear, but it’s difficult for some men, even when they really want to.

Various factors—ranging from societal expectations to past experiences—can make it difficult for them to express their feelings, despite a genuine desire to do so.

If you’ve ever wondered why some men struggle to open up emotionally, understanding these 9 traits can offer insight into the subtle barriers they face.

So, how can we discern if a man struggles with emotional openness?

Well, there are particular traits that hint towards this struggle—in this article, we’re going to delve into 9 such traits.

Let’s explore the behaviors and patterns that often hold them back from expressing their emotions more freely!

1) They often mask their true feelings

In the context of emotional openness, not all is as it seems on the surface.

Let’s be clear, men who struggle to open up emotionally are not void of emotions.

They feel just as deeply, if not more so, than others.

The key difference lies in their expression.

They tend to mask their true feelings behind a facade; this could be a stoic exterior, dismissive comments, or even humor.

While they might feel a surge of emotions within, what gets displayed to the outside world is often a watered-down version.

The issue is not about experiencing emotions but expressing them.

They might feel a whirlwind of emotions inside but struggle to articulate them externally.

2) They have a fear of vulnerability

Vulnerability is about exposing our true selves, complete with all our emotions, fears, and insecurities.

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not quite.

For men who struggle with emotional openness, vulnerability often feels like a threat—it’s as if showing their true emotions might lead to rejection or ridicule.

The fear of vulnerability can stem from a variety of reasons: Childhood experiences, societal expectations, or past emotional traumas can all play a part.

This fear often leads them to build walls around their emotions.

They might seem aloof or distant, but in reality, they’re just trying to protect themselves from potential emotional harm.

3) They overcompensate by being overly rational

Linking with the fear of vulnerability, there’s another trait that you might find counter-intuitive.

These men, in their quest to avoid emotional exposure, often overcompensate by being overly rational.

Emotions can be messy and unpredictable, which can feel overwhelming for someone who struggles with emotional openness.

With this in mind, they resort to logic and reason – something more predictable and seemingly under control.

They might dismiss emotional conversations as ‘illogical’ or ‘unnecessary,’ or they might quickly try to solve problems rather than acknowledge the emotional aspect of the situation.

However, being overly rational is just another way of masking their emotions.

This overly rational demeanor is their defense mechanism against the fear of vulnerability and emotional exposure.

4) They struggle with emotional language

For men who struggle with emotional openness, this is a common hurdle.

Emotional language involves articulating what we feel inside—it’s about expressing our internal emotional states in a way that others can understand.

But for these men, finding the right words to express their emotions can feel like trying to solve a complex puzzle.

They might use vague or general terms to describe their feelings or avoid the conversation altogether.

This struggle often stems from a lack of practice or exposure to emotional language.

They might not have grown up in an environment where emotions were openly discussed, or they may lack role models who demonstrated emotional openness.

5) They display discomfort during emotional conversations

In line with their struggle with emotional language, men who find it hard to open up emotionally also often display discomfort during emotional conversations.

This discomfort can manifest itself in different ways:

• They might change the topic abruptly.
• They may become visibly uneasy or agitated.
• They could use humor to deflect the conversation.
• They may resort to silence or monosyllabic responses.

These signs often indicate their struggle with emotional openness—they’re unequipped to handle the emotional depth!

6) They have a tendency to rationalize their feelings

This is something I’ve personally noticed in men who find it hard to open up emotionally—they have a tendency to rationalize their feelings.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to understand our emotions logically—however, the problem arises when this rationalization is used as a tool to avoid facing the emotion itself.

When a person feels sad, for example, they don’t necessarily need to find a logical reason for it; Sometimes, it’s just about accepting that they’re feeling low and allowing themselves the space to experience that emotion.

But for men struggling with emotional openness, they often feel the need to justify or explain their emotions logically.

If they can’t find a rational reason for what they’re feeling, they might—unfortunately—dismiss the emotion altogether.

7) They struggle with emotional intimacy

Men who struggle with emotional openness often find emotional intimacy challenging.

Emotional intimacy involves being open and vulnerable with one’s partner—sharing fears, hopes, and insecurities.

The thought of opening up to someone else at such a deep level can be daunting for these men.

They might fear that their emotions will be dismissed or ridiculed, or perhaps they worry that their vulnerability will be seen as a sign of weakness.

Hence, they might avoid deep emotional conversations, preferring to keep things light and surface level.

8) They might have a history of emotional invalidation

My friend once shared a story about his childhood with me.

He said that whenever he’d cry or show any sign of distress, his father would dismiss him, saying, “Boys don’t cry.”

This kind of emotional invalidation can have a deep impact.

Men who struggle with emotional openness often have a history of their emotions being invalidated.

This could be in the form of dismissive comments like my friend’s father used, or it could be a lack of acknowledgment of their feelings.

As a result, they learn to suppress their emotions and struggle to express them openly.

It’s as if they’ve internalized the message that their feelings are not important or valid.

This emotional invalidation can leave lasting scars, making it challenging for these men to open up emotionally, even when they want to.

It’s an uphill battle against years of conditioning and invalidation, but recognizing this pattern is the first step towards healing and growth.

9) They genuinely want to open up

Despite all the challenges and struggles they face, these men genuinely want to open up.

They desire to express their emotions, connect on a deeper level, and be understood for who they truly are.

They’re not intentionally withholding their emotions; rather, it’s a struggle against years of conditioning, societal expectations, and personal fears.

Their desire for emotional openness is there—it’s just that the journey towards it is filled with obstacles.

So, what can we do to support them?

Supporting men who struggle with emotional openness requires patience, understanding, and a lot of empathy.

Here are a few things we can do:

• Show empathy: Understand that their struggle with emotional openness is not about you.
• Be patient: Change takes time. Don’t rush them or pressure them into opening up.
• Validate their emotions: Make it clear that it’s okay to have emotions and express them.
• Model emotional openness: Show them what emotional openness looks like by being open and vulnerable yourself.

The journey toward emotional openness is a marathon, not a sprint.

It takes patience, effort, and understanding, but the reward—deeper connections and healthier relationships—is worth it.

To conclude this article, let’s carry compassion and remember that everyone faces their own unseen struggles.

Let’s strive to be supportive allies in each other’s emotional growth!