9 warning signs someone you love is emotionally draining you, according to psychology

In our journey as human beings, we strive for relationships that are nurturing, respectful, and filled with love.

However, not all relationships are healthy—some can be emotionally draining, leaving us feeling exhausted, devalued and unhappy.

Emotionally draining relationships often involve one person who consistently takes more than they give—this can be a friend, a family member, or a romantic partner.

According to psychologists, there are subtle warning signs that someone you care about might be emotionally draining you.

Here are nine key indicators to watch out for, and how to protect your emotional well-being while navigating these relationships:

1) They’re always the victim

Playing the victim can be a subtle yet powerful way to emotionally drain another person.

This often involves shifting blame and never taking responsibility for their own actions.

You might find that your loved one always has an excuse for their behavior or a story about how someone else is always at fault.

They never acknowledge their part in any situation and instead play the victim, expecting you to provide endless support and sympathy.

For example, they might blame their boss for not getting a promotion or blame you for their own unhappiness.

They may also use guilt as a tool to manipulate you into feeling sorry for them, thereby gaining your emotional energy and attention.

Over time, this constant victim-playing can take a toll on your emotional wellbeing, leaving you feeling drained and depleted.

2) They demand your constant attention

In a healthy relationship, there’s a balance between giving and receiving attention.

However, if you find yourself in a situation where your loved one always needs your focus, it can be an emotionally draining sign.

This individual might constantly seek reassurance, demand your time, or require you to drop everything for their needs.

It could be as simple as expecting immediate responses to their messages or as complex as needing you to constantly validate their feelings or decisions.

This is tied to the psychological concept of ‘codependency’, where one person relies excessively on another for emotional or psychological support.

Over time, this can become draining as it creates an imbalance in the relationship dynamic, with one person constantly giving and the other always taking.

3) They’re excessively positive

While positivity is generally a good thing, excessive positivity can be emotionally draining.

This might seem counter-intuitive, but it’s true!

Someone who is overly positive might dismiss your feelings if they’re not equally as positive.

If you’re feeling down or upset, they might brush it off with comments like “Just think positive!” or “Don’t let it get you down!”.

While these comments might be well-intentioned, they can invalidate your emotions and make you feel unheard.

Genuine emotions, both positive and negative, are part of being human and it’s important that they are acknowledged and respected.

4) They rarely reciprocate

In any relationship, there’s a certain amount of give and take.

It’s normal for the scales to tip in one direction every now and then, but if you’re constantly giving and they’re constantly taking, it’s not healthy.

Maybe you’re always the one listening to their problems, but when you have something to share, they’re suddenly too busy or not interested–or perhaps you always make sacrifices for their convenience, but they rarely return the favor.

You pour your energy into them, caring for their needs and feelings, only to find that they don’t do the same for you.

This one-sided dynamic can leave you feeling emotionally depleted.

5) They struggle to celebrate your victories

It’s natural to want to share your joys and achievements with those you love.

However, if your loved one struggles to genuinely celebrate your victories, it can be emotionally draining.

They might downplay your achievements or divert the conversation back to themselves.

This lack of enthusiasm can make you feel like your accomplishments don’t matter, which can be incredibly disheartening.

Their inability to rejoice in your success is not a reflection of your worth—everyone deserves recognition and support from their loved ones. It’s important to surround yourself with people who can share in your joy and celebrate your victories wholeheartedly.

6) They monopolize conversations

We all have a friend, family member or partner who loves to talk.

But what happens when that talk turns into a monologue rather than a dialogue?

You might find that every conversation revolves around them—their problems, their day, their feelings, and the like.

And when you try to share something about yourself? They quickly steer the conversation back to them!

Conversations should be exchanges where both parties feel heard and valued.

7) They love drama

Do you know someone who seems to thrive on drama?

Whether it’s their own or someone else’s, they always seem to be in the thick of it.

They might appear excited when sharing the latest gossip or seem energized by conflicts.

But, on the flip side, they might also create unnecessary drama or exaggerate situations to gain attention.

While it might seem entertaining at first, being around someone who loves drama can become exhausting over time.

Life has enough twists and turns without adding extra drama into the mix—it’s much nicer to enjoy the calm and peaceful moments.

8) They’re constantly critical

According to an article from Thriveworks, constructive criticism can be helpful—but there’s a stark difference between someone offering helpful feedback and someone who is constantly critical (which is categorized under ‘deconstructive criticism’).

If your loved one is always finding fault in what you do, how you look, or the choices you make, it can seriously drain your emotional energy.

This constant negativity can affect your self-esteem and make you question your worth.

Nobody has the right to constantly bring you down under the guise of being “honest” or “helpful”.

9) They don’t respect your boundaries

One of the most crucial aspects of any healthy relationship is respect for personal boundaries.

If the person you love consistently crosses or ignores your boundaries, it’s a significant warning sign that they are emotionally draining you.

Maybe they make you feel guilty for needing time alone, constantly push you to share more than you’re comfortable with, or disregard your feelings when you express discomfort.

Always hold on to this: a relationship without respect for boundaries is not one that values your wellbeing. Your boundaries are valid and should be respected—it’s okay to say no, to need space, and to prioritize your own needs.

Wrapping it up

If you’ve noticed these signs in your relationship, it can be emotionally draining, but recognizing them is the first step toward change.

Now, it’s important to have open conversations about how you’re feeling—seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional for guidance.

Reflect on your relationships: Are they nourishing or draining? Do they offer balance, or are you giving more than you’re receiving?

These questions are vital for your emotional well-being; ultimately, prioritize your own needs and emotional health.

You deserve relationships that uplift, reciprocate your energy, and make you happy!