Women who engage in on-and-off relationships usually have these 8 personality traits

I often wonder why some people seem to get stuck in those never-ending on-again, off-again relationships.

The emotional rollercoaster can be exhausting, but there’s usually more to it than meets the eye. If you’ve ever questioned why this happens, chances are it’s connected to certain personality traits.

These traits don’t paint anyone into a box, but they do offer some insight into why someone might stay in a cycle of romantic highs and lows.

Let’s take a closer look at eight common personality traits that often show up in these relationships. You might find a few answers you’ve been searching for.

1) They crave excitement

Some of us are thrill-seekers, drawn towards the rush that comes with unpredictability and intensity.

This trait is often found in women who find themselves in on-and-off relationships.

Such relationships can be emotionally intense, filled with passionate highs and heartbreaking lows. This rollercoaster of emotions can create a sense of excitement that’s hard to replicate in a more stable relationship.

But, as thrilling as this might seem, this intensity often takes a toll on emotional well-being. 

2) They value independence

In my own personal experience, I’ve found that many women in on-and-off relationships highly value their independence.

I remember a close friend of mine, let’s call her Lisa. Lisa was always in and out of relationships.

One moment she was deeply in love, the next she wanted nothing to do with her partner. At first, it was hard to understand her pattern.

But as I got to know her better, I realized she deeply cherished her personal freedom and space.

She loved being in a relationship, but equally enjoyed her time alone. Her independence was non-negotiable for her.

This isn’t to say that valuing independence is a bad thing, far from it. It’s just that in Lisa’s case, this need for autonomy often led to periods of disconnect in her relationships.

3) They’re often empathetic

While it might seem counterintuitive, women who find themselves in on-and-off relationships can often be deeply empathetic.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. According to psychologists, highly attuned individuals, particularly those who exhibit strong empathy, tend to prioritize the emotions of others over their own.

This pattern can lead to emotional exhaustion and feelings of neglect, which may result in distancing or periods of instability in the relationship​.

This sensitivity often creates a dynamic where emotional burnout leads to temporary withdrawal, contributing to an on-and-off relationship pattern.

4) They tend to be impulsive

One trait that might seem common in women who engage in on-and-off relationships is impulsivity.

Acting on the spur of the moment, making decisions on a whim, and being driven by immediate emotional responses are all signs of this trait.

Impulsivity can make a relationship exciting and spontaneous, but it can also lead to quick and drastic decisions like breakups.

Later, when the rush of emotions subsides, they may regret their decision and seek to rekindle the relationship.

Research has found that impulsivity is negatively associated with relationship satisfaction, especially when there are discrepancies between partners’ impulsivity levels.

This imbalance can lead to misunderstandings and conflict, driving impulsive behavior like breakups.

However, when both partners are similarly impulsive, their shared spontaneity might create a sense of compatibility, keeping the relationship vibrant, though not without challenges.

The study also suggests that impulsivity’s impact is largely driven by how partners perceive each other’s negative behavior and responsiveness.

Impulsivity isn’t inherently bad. It can add spice to life and keep things interesting, but in relationships, it needs to be balanced with thoughtful decision-making to maintain stability.

5) They often have a deep fear of abandonment

It might be hard to see on the surface, but underneath, many women in on-and-off relationships carry a deep-seated fear of abandonment. This fear can sometimes create a push-pull dynamic in their relationships.

When feeling secure, they might push their partners away, driven by a need to protect themselves from potential heartbreak.

But when faced with the reality of losing their partner, the fear of abandonment kicks in and they pull their partner back into the relationship.

6) They struggle with self-esteem

The mirror has always been a tricky thing for me. Some days, I would look at my reflection and feel confident and beautiful. Other days, I’d see nothing but flaws.

Women in on-and-off relationships can often find themselves in a similar struggle, with their self-esteem fluctuating widely.

When they feel good about themselves, they feel deserving of love and are happy in their relationship. But when self-doubt creeps in, they might feel unworthy and push their partner away.

This struggle with self-esteem can create a cycle of breakups and makeups, each one tied to their perception of self-worth.

7) They thrive on drama

Some people have a knack for turning life into a soap opera, and this can be true for women who often find themselves in on-and-off relationships.

They may not consciously seek out drama, but they do tend to thrive on it.

Drama can add an element of excitement and intensity to a relationship. The constant ups and downs can feel like a whirlwind of passion.

Needless to say, this whirlwind can also lead to instability and frequent breakups.

Drama can also serve as a way to test emotional boundaries.

In a sense, creating conflict or tension might be a subconscious attempt to gauge the depth of a partner’s commitment or provoke a strong emotional reaction.

While this behavior can keep things interesting, it often leaves both partners emotionally drained, cycling through the same highs and lows that eventually weaken the relationship’s foundation.

Finding peace in stability, rather than in chaos, can offer a healthier and more sustainable connection.

8) They’re resistant to change

Change can be scary and uncomfortable, and it’s only natural to resist it.

For many women in on-and-off relationships, this resistance can manifest as a reluctance to break away from the familiar pattern of their relationship, even if it’s causing them pain.

They might fear the uncertainty of starting anew more than the certainty of their current situation.

This may be why they get stuck in a cycle of breakups and makeups, making it challenging to move forward to healthier relationship dynamics.

Final thoughts

I’ve come to understand that relationships, especially on-and-off ones, are often a reflection of the deeper parts of ourselves.

The traits we’ve talked about don’t box anyone in—they just help make sense of why things might play out the way they do.

Women who find themselves in these cycles aren’t broken or flawed; they’re just dealing with a lot of emotions and experiences that run deep.

And honestly, aren’t we all? We’re all just figuring it out, and when you start to see things more clearly, you get the power to choose better, healthier relationships—ones that actually feel good.