There’s a vast difference between saying you’re sorry and truly seeking forgiveness.
The difference boils down to sincerity. Just saying sorry can often be a quick way to move past an awkward situation, but seeking forgiveness involves taking responsibility for your actions.
Seeking forgiveness from a biblical perspective is about more than just apologizing. It’s about making things right with both God and the person you’ve wronged.
For those who genuinely want to seek forgiveness, there are seven biblical steps that can guide you.
Let’s delve into them.
1) Acknowledge your mistake
There aren’t many things more humbling than admitting you were wrong.
But, if you’re seeking true forgiveness, it’s a crucial first step.
The Bible is quite clear on this. In Proverbs 28:13, it says “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”
This is not about self-flagellation or wallowing in guilt. It’s about honesty – with yourself, with God, and with the person you have wronged.
Recognizing and admitting your mistake is the doorway to repentance. It’s about taking responsibility for your actions and showing a genuine desire to make things right.
But remember, sincerity is key here. Empty words won’t cut it.
So if you’re serious about seeking forgiveness, start by acknowledging your mistake.
2) Seek God’s forgiveness first
This is something I learned the hard way.
A few years ago, I did something that hurt a dear friend. I felt terrible about it and apologized immediately, but they couldn’t move past it. My apology, no matter how heartfelt, wasn’t enough.
That’s when I turned to the Bible for guidance and found Psalm 32:5 “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.”
I realized that seeking human forgiveness without first seeking God’s forgiveness was like trying to clean a wound without first washing your hands.
So, I sought God’s forgiveness first. I prayed earnestly, acknowledging my wrongdoing and asking for His mercy.
The peace that followed was indescribable. Only then did I approach my friend again and this time, they forgave me.
This taught me a valuable lesson: When you seek forgiveness, start by seeking God’s forgiveness first.
3) Make amends where possible
The book of Luke in the Bible tells the story of Zacchaeus, a wealthy tax collector who had cheated many people. After encountering Jesus, he declared, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”
Zacchaeus was ready to make amends, and this wasn’t just about money. It was a tangible way to show repentance and a commitment to right the wrongs he had done.
This principle still applies today. If you’ve wronged someone, it’s not enough just to say you’re sorry. Wherever possible, take concrete steps to make things right.
Whether it’s returning something you took or fixing something you broke, making amends is a powerful act that shows your sincerity in seeking forgiveness. It may not always be easy, but it’s an essential step towards true reconciliation.
4) Practice patience
One of the hardest parts about seeking forgiveness is understanding that it may not be granted immediately.
Just as you needed time to recognize and admit to your mistake, the person you’ve wronged may need time to process your apology and decide whether they can forgive you.
This is where patience comes in. The Bible, in Galatians 6:9, urges us not to become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
In this context, ‘doing good’ means continuing to show remorse for your actions and demonstrating through your behavior that you’ve changed.
Remember, forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. It may take time, but with patience, prayer and persistence, reconciliation can be achieved.
5) Show genuine remorse
Apologies are just words unless they’re backed by genuine remorse.
The Bible makes this point clear in 2 Corinthians 7:10, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”
Godly sorrow, as described here, is a deep remorse for wrongdoing that leads to a change of heart. It’s not about feeling bad because you got caught or because you have to face the consequences. It’s about understanding the depth of your mistake and the hurt it has caused.
Showing genuine remorse doesn’t mean constantly beating yourself up over your mistake. Rather, it’s about demonstrating through your actions and attitude that you understand the gravity of your actions and are committed to making things right.
This sincerity can go a long way in helping others see that your desire for forgiveness is genuine.
6) Forgive yourself
Sometimes, the hardest person to seek forgiveness from is yourself.
You may find that even after you’ve taken all the right steps – acknowledged your mistake, sought God’s forgiveness, made amends, showed patience and demonstrated sincere remorse – you still can’t shake off the guilt.
This is a common struggle. But remember, the Bible tells us in Romans 8:1 that “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
God has forgiven you. And if God, in His infinite wisdom and justice, has chosen to forgive you, then who are you to hold onto that guilt?
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean forgetting what you’ve done or shrugging off your responsibility. It simply means accepting God’s grace and allowing His forgiveness to heal your heart.
It’s not an easy step, but it’s a necessary one. You need to forgive yourself to truly move forward. Trust in God’s mercy and let go of the guilt. You are forgiven.
7) Live out your repentance
I remember a time when I had hurt someone close to me. I had asked for forgiveness, but I found that my words fell on deaf ears. It was during this time that I came across James 2:17 in the Bible which says “In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”
I realized then that seeking forgiveness was not just about saying the right words. It was about living out my repentance.
I started making conscious efforts to change my behavior that had caused the hurt. It wasn’t easy and there were times when I slipped up. But each time, I picked myself up and tried again.
Over time, my actions started speaking louder than my words. The person noticed my genuine efforts. It took time, but eventually they forgave me and we were able to rebuild our relationship.
This taught me a valuable lesson: If you want others to believe in your repentance, you need to live it out. It’s about showing through your actions that you’ve truly changed.
8) Keep praying
Prayer is a powerful tool in the journey towards forgiveness.
In the Bible, Daniel 9:18 says “We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy.”
This verse reminds us that it’s not our righteousness that earns us forgiveness but God’s mercy. And sometimes, the best way to tap into that mercy is through earnest prayer.
Prayer provides a platform for you to express your remorse, ask for God’s guidance, and seek His strength to make amends and change your behavior.
Furthermore, praying for the person you’ve wronged can also be a healing experience. It helps you to focus on their wellbeing and fosters empathy.
So keep praying. Not just for forgiveness, but also for the strength to forgive yourself and for the grace to live out your repentance. Prayer can provide the comfort and guidance you need in this journey towards forgiveness.
9) Remember, forgiveness is a journey
Above all, remember that seeking forgiveness is not a one-time act, but a journey.
You won’t always get it right the first time. There will be setbacks and there may be times when you feel like giving up.
But don’t lose heart. The Bible in Philippians 1:6 reassures us that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
God is with you in this journey. He knows your heart and He is faithful to complete the work He has started in you.
Be patient with yourself and with others. Keep striving to make things right, keep praying, and keep trusting in God’s mercy and grace.
Remember, the journey towards forgiveness is not just about reaching a destination, but about the transformation that happens along the way.
Final thoughts: It’s about grace
The journey of seeking forgiveness is deeply intertwined with the divine concept of grace.
At the center of this journey is God’s grace, a powerful force that not only forgives but also transforms us. As Ephesians 2:8-9 reminds us, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.”
This grace is not just about God forgiving us. It empowers us to forgive ourselves and spurs us to seek forgiveness from others. It’s the driving force behind our repentance and the catalyst for our transformation.
Whether you’re acknowledging your mistake, making amends, showing patience, expressing remorse, forgiving yourself, living out your repentance, or praying earnestly, remember that it’s all underpinned by this grace.
As you reflect on these steps towards seeking forgiveness, remember that each step is an opportunity to experience God’s grace more deeply. This grace doesn’t just absolve us; it reshapes us, making us more compassionate, humble, and understanding.
Experiencing this transformative power of grace is perhaps the most profound aspect of seeking forgiveness. It’s a journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth that brings us closer to God and to our true selves.
